So I've been on and off about taking my own life. Like there is a constant wanting to end it. Even when I was a kid I kept saying outload I want to go home, and even accidently said it a time or 2 with my dad in ear shot and he asked me where home was. It took me a while to realize home is whatever happens after death.
Sometimes I would feel the need to end it this second and other times not so much. But now that I'm in my mid 30s, I live with my parents, I am high functioning autistic and run into many problems I think due to this, my life for the most part has been shit, I've seen people around me only get more and more and more angry, my life no matter what path I try to go on seems to end up in pure failure, and so on. I feel as if my days alive is coming to an end. Not that I need to die this second. But realistically, if my parents kick me out then after so much failure and what feels like being kicked and beating up from life. I honestly don't even care to get up and try anymore. If my parents die I have no idea how I can support myself and even if I could the pure lonely and not having other family makes me question why keep going (I'm not going to a group home), when I was a kid all I wanted was a stable family and this is extremely obvious this is never ever ever going to happen at least in this lifetime, and I hate the constant anxiety and worry about things.
I know part of my problem is depression, and I know some might point out talking to someone. But I can directly point out at very very very direct things that is causing it. And until those things which are out of my control are fixed, then I'm fucked.
Anyways, I wanted to die by exit bag for a long time. The problem is getting things together to do it.
I thought about using a gun and maybe. But the problem with that is if you do it wrong then it can be pretty horrible and painful.
IDK, I'm looking at more methods. All I know is it feels like instead of decades my life is within years.
I know the average lifespan of someone that is autistic is 36 years old. I wonder if this is how it felt for most others when it was close to their time
Sometimes I would feel the need to end it this second and other times not so much. But now that I'm in my mid 30s, I live with my parents, I am high functioning autistic and run into many problems I think due to this, my life for the most part has been shit, I've seen people around me only get more and more and more angry, my life no matter what path I try to go on seems to end up in pure failure, and so on. I feel as if my days alive is coming to an end. Not that I need to die this second. But realistically, if my parents kick me out then after so much failure and what feels like being kicked and beating up from life. I honestly don't even care to get up and try anymore. If my parents die I have no idea how I can support myself and even if I could the pure lonely and not having other family makes me question why keep going (I'm not going to a group home), when I was a kid all I wanted was a stable family and this is extremely obvious this is never ever ever going to happen at least in this lifetime, and I hate the constant anxiety and worry about things.
I know part of my problem is depression, and I know some might point out talking to someone. But I can directly point out at very very very direct things that is causing it. And until those things which are out of my control are fixed, then I'm fucked.
Anyways, I wanted to die by exit bag for a long time. The problem is getting things together to do it.
I thought about using a gun and maybe. But the problem with that is if you do it wrong then it can be pretty horrible and painful.
IDK, I'm looking at more methods. All I know is it feels like instead of decades my life is within years.
I know the average lifespan of someone that is autistic is 36 years old. I wonder if this is how it felt for most others when it was close to their time
