Venting i feel like my boyfriend doesnt even love me anymore

[sillyprincessmeow]

ive been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now, close to 11 and it feels like the spark is gone. he's constantly rude and he doesnt act like he cares about me. he knows im suicidal and stuff but he just doesn't seem to care. he always turns the bad stuff on to me, hes never given a good apology unless ive begged him, he doesnt even wanna read to me at night like ive asked him to. i dont wanna leave because im so in love with him, but im just so confused. am i unlovable? am i the problem? hes cheated on me and hes let his friends talk bad about me .. he says he didnt cheat because to him cheating is "fucking someone else", but ive told him my boundaries and he always breaks them. hes really hurtful to me and i know i should've left him months ago. i dont want to. i know i wont. he never posts about me, he never comforts me, hell he's even told me how and where to slit my wrists!! hes even SA'd me!!! yet he gets mad when i tell him to kill himself after he makes me split and laughs at me for being upset?? hes almost broken up with me tonight and its just so hurtful. he used to be so in love and now it just feels like he doesnt love me. its honestly making me suicidal. hes the only person ive ever loved or been attracted to. ive given him everything, every piece of me. why do i get treated like this? ive told him what to do to be better, ive told him how his words ane actions make me feel, ive done everything to fix this yet its the same thing everyday. i feel like im just an unlovable piece of trash. im so tired of everything. he makes me feel good sometimes, like when we're good it's really really good… but other times its like im just a side piece. i know he isnt talking to other girls, but i just feel like hes losing feelings for me. honestly thats just another reason for me to kill myself. i plan someday to get a gun a blow my brains out. maybe even get cyanide if i have the chance. i dont wanna live. i dont wanna get help. im unfixable and probably unlovable. the only thing i want is for my boyfriend to love me. if i cant have that the next thing i want is for my body to be six feet underground. theres probably a lot about our relationship ive left out, but i feel as if this is just the main gist of it. i dont know. im just tired of life at this point lol.

 

[Zegers]

when you can get new people and experiences in a swipe, people get bored easily and they want more i guess.

 

[sillyprincessmeow]

when you can get new people and experiences in a swipe, people get bored easily and they want more i guess.

i guess. its just not fair to me though. ive supported him through so much. maybe im just not enough. you know?

 

[CassieHoward]

how one treats you is not an indictment of your character, but their own

 

[Spyro24]

I feel you. I've had similar experiences with friends and it's horrible... all I can tell you is to try and move on because you deserve so much better. I know it's hard to follow this advice and I don't even follow it myself. I'm so lonely and vulnerable that I would stick to abusive people just to have something and when they eventually throw me in the trash, I am heartbroken. I recently lost a close friend and it wasn't my fault but I still try to apologize daily for something I didn't do. I'd do anything to get them back, even if they made my life hell. Stay strong!

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Yeah you need to leave. He's doing this because he knows you won't leave. He is free to act like this as long as you let him, talking won't change him. Also unless you have full unsupervised access to his phone and social media you won't know forsure if he's talking to somebody else. That or in my experience it's a porn addiction and it's so bad that he's paying for it on onlyfans which does constitute as cheating(asking girls to do sexual acts for him is cheating). It's going to suck at first but the best way to deal with somebody like that is to just leave without talking to them. You already tried that and he obviously doesn't care so why should you? What genuinely makes him so special? The ignoring? The lying? The manipulating? You can find that in most men you aren't missing much. When the bad outweighs the good, just leave. I know it's easier said than done but you have to think about it how I'm writing it. "He constantly ignores my boundries, cheats and SAs me, he's not going to change and those traits are pretty much present in every man so why am I with him? Does the good really outweigh the bad? What am I? a animal?" Like stop telling him and start telling yourself. You're telling everyone but yourself. You owe yourself some honesty if you're not going to get it from him.
Edit: I don't really like men right now. They all seem the same to me. They are the product of bad mothers who never told them no or held them accountable for their actions because they still think it's the 1800s. Men who know this isn't true won't get mad at me saying this. This thinking helped me realize I was in an abusive relationship and you can beg all you want but until you give them a taste of their own medicine they will not care. Block them and private social media, this will drive them crazy. It's the only way to move foreword. Download tinder if you need that attention, you don't have to respond, they'll tell you anything you want if they think they have a chance. "Why have 1 man, when you can have 5, why have 5 men when you can have 9". I personally don't even want to talk to men so I'm not doing that but still, you can always find what you're looking for in somebody else and from what I read, he's not giving a lot.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people really are so cruel and to me it's terrible the way that many people treat others. I'm sorry that you are stuck in this situation. People should not have to suffer like that. I hope that you find relief.

 

[Worndown]

People fall in love and fall out. It happens and is unpleasant for the one that did not fall.

 

[27clubBRIAN]

Skeeter Davis type situation , im sorry for you that sucks

 

[hamvil]

Do not get stuck in this situation. I do not think you are unlovable, from what you write he is the problem. I wasted years of my life with a woman precisely like that and even after she left me I kept begging for a little friendship that could allow me to chat with her from time to time. These people are abusive by nature and will only hurt you.