Venting I feel like i'm wasting my youth.

[Steapa Snotor]

Really, I don't know what to do.
I haven't left my house for more or less 3 months. I lurked this place a lot, but my anxiety was too big to post anything.

I don't know what should I do to find a job and I can't get into college. I just feel I'm wasting my golden years locked at my room.

Soon I'll be old and things will not be the same (they'll be worse). I just want to die before realizing the I've wasted my life, I'm thinking about partial suspension.

Well sorry, I just wanted to vent a bit.
This is my first post and I'm a little nervous.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Really, I don't know what to do.
I haven't left my house for more or less 3 months. I lurked this place a lot, but my anxiety was too big to post anything.

I don't know what should I do to find a job and I can't get into college. I just feel I'm wasting my golden years locked at my room.

Soon I'll be old and things will not be the same (they'll be worse). I just want to die before realizing the I've wasted my life, I'm thinking about partial suspension.

Well sorry, I just wanted to vent a bit.
This is my first post and I'm a little nervous.

You don't have to apologise for being honest.

 

[TheNorthernSilence]

It's a very good post for a first one. I myself have kind of lost the ability to post or communicate properly here. I just can't form sentences and anything I write looks stupid to me. I can relate to the anxiety and isolation, it really crushes your soul.

I lost my youth by studying for the wrong profession and I have had no work history for many years now. I have also had these mental and physical health issues for a long time. It just seems there is no hope.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you will find what you're looking for.

 

[Steapa Snotor]

thank you both of you.

I hope you find peace too.

 

[Crest33]

thank you both of you.

I hope you find peace too.

I also feel like I'm wasting my youth. But for me i hoop it Wil be over soon. Om not planning anything anymore in the future. I've given up on trying to be successful in life.

And we're happy to welcome you. Nobody will judge you. That's what beautiful about this place.

 

[Empty Smile]

I feel like I've wasted my youth and it continued all the way into my 40s. My life has been a disaster and shows no signs of letting up. I hope my bus is on time at the end if the month....

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

I guess you could say anything you need to know you learn in kindergarten, reading writing arithmatic it's all there, or at least by first grade, any thing else I could have learnt on my own. I just think time would have better spent concentrating on socialization, but instead they produced a widget that listens to buzzers and bells.

 

[Crest33]

I feel like I've wasted my youth and it continued all the way into my 40s. My life has been a disaster and shows no signs of letting up. I hope my bus is on time at the end if the month....

That's one of my reasons of ctb. I don't want to waste and miss opportunities all the time in my life. I know I won't change socially. So I woud struggle all my life.

 

[Morbid Cam]

I

I also feel like I'm wasting my youth. But for me i hoop it Wil be over soon. Om not planning anything anymore in the future. I've given up on trying to be successful in life.

And we're happy to welcome you. Nobody will judge you. That's what beautiful about this place.

I'm getting to this point in life now, I had dreams and stuff but absolutely nothing is working out for me so I'm getting to the point where I'm about to give up trying to be successful, I've gotten so tired of the endless failures and disappointments. Not like it will have mattered once I'm gone anyways.

 

[Empty Smile]

That's one of my reasons of ctb. I don't want to waste and miss opportunities all the time in my life. I know I won't change socially. So I woud struggle all my life.

My worst thing is I feel like my teenage years were my best years. But damn, that was 30+ years ago.

 

[Crest33]

I

I'm getting to this point in life now, I had dreams and stuff but absolutely nothing is working out for me so I'm getting to the point where I'm about to give up trying to be successful, I've gotten so tired of the endless failures and disappointments. Not like it will have mattered once I'm gone anyways.

I keep telling me, Crest33(read as my name) it's going to be better in the future, you'll make some friends.

But it never happens. I'm doomed.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I feel you there. I too have been trapped, clawing towards freedom. "Clawing" is a bit dramatic, admittedly. Submit form -> wait for two weeks to two months -> hop into a magnet -> wait two months for results, rinse and repeat.
But yeah, as I said, I feel you. I've lost my twenties to sitting and shaking in fear. Judging by how it goes, might lose my thirties to it too. I'm 29 so far and the end doesn't seem to be near.

 

[ron_g]

Is there a peer support group in your area? Of course, it doesn't compensate for the loss completely, but might be of some help.

 

[TAW122]

I've pretty much wasted my youth and adulthood life as well (excluding earning a college degree), according to society's standards. I did not have a successful social life, was isolated the majority of the time, no one really invited me out or hung out with me, never dated, and of course, struggling to find employment to make a living. If I survive in 2019 and still alive late into that year, I'll probably be trying my luck at menial jobs, scraping by, and what not. I do want to die before I get really old and waste away in an assisted living facility or become crippled and slowly die.

 

[Sinbad]

You wasted yesterday.. But you can improve your tomorrow.. Start with a tiny step... Try
Later you can still CTB if things do not improve.

 

[Steapa Snotor]

Is there a peer support group in your area? Of course, it doesn't compensate for the loss completely, but might be of some help.

I don't know. I live in a third world country and these things are hard to find here.

 

[Severen]

I

I'm getting to this point in life now, I had dreams and stuff but absolutely nothing is working out for me so I'm getting to the point where I'm about to give up trying to be successful, I've gotten so tired of the endless failures and disappointments. Not like it will have mattered once I'm gone anyways.

Every single dream I had was ripped into shreds, burnt, then dipped in acid.

 

[exhausted]

I don't think it is necessarily wasted if you weren't out there getting hurt more than you were in the house. I am not leaving the house much lately but...it's cold and rainy out there and I like the sounds of rainfall from inside my depression cavern. So many people achieve things later in life, I know this woman who was 40 and getting into med school. Never too late. We put so much pressure on ourselves. Maybe these are your bronze years, not your golden. I think I could get some silver years going if I try.

Thanks for your first post, I identified with it just from the title.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Really, I don't know what to do.
I haven't left my house for more or less 3 months. I lurked this place a lot, but my anxiety was too big to post anything.

I don't know what should I do to find a job and I can't get into college. I just feel I'm wasting my golden years locked at my room.

Soon I'll be old and things will not be the same (they'll be worse). I just want to die before realizing the I've wasted my life, I'm thinking about partial suspension.

Well sorry, I just wanted to vent a bit.
This is my first post and I'm a little nervous.

How old are you? I'm sorry you're in pain. I say do something you've always wanted to do. If you have the money, go somewhere. I wish I could do that before I go. I've been in the house for 14 years. I'm physically sick. I got sick at 20 so Al my years were wasted. I feel like my life was just one big waste. I was able to do nothing with it. And the screwed up thing that it took me to get sick to realize all I wanted to do with my life. So I hope you're able to do something you enjoy and that brings you some happiness before you leave. Lots of luck.