i feel like im just being overdramatic and whiny

[rokonie]

When the ctb thoughts are at their worst, i occasionally stop myself and think, "Wait, doesn't everyone do this? What makes you think you're so special and deserving of someone who cares?" And idk i genuinely can't tell if it's abnormal to be considering, fantasizing, and planning methods for a way out. It's something i've been doing since i was like 14-15 so ive accepted it as a normal thought. Perhaps i havent met enough people who are mentally healthy and grew up with a good childhood, so my perception is skewed, but who ISNT mentally ill in this day and age? Nearly every regular person seems to be overworked, depressed, anxious, and wishing for something better than a 9-5 24/7. I figured most people have dreamed of (and liked thinking of) their suicide and/or actually attempted and im being an overdramatic child wishing for special treatment.

 

[derpyderpins]

It's not overdramatic or whiny to evaluate your life and consider ctb. Planning methods, especially from your teenage years like that, is not how things are supposed to be. Whether it's "normal" because the world has gotten so bad doesn't really matter, does it? The question is whether it is typical to the human experience, and it's not. Even if everyone is having those thoughts, they deserve to be heard.

Work sucks, and most of my suicidal thoughts have been related to what you describe, being stuck in a pointless loop for years. It has not been as bad as I expected - it sucks, don't get me wrong - and I've found reasons to stick around even with all the work, but worrying about it and considering ctb is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

No, it isn't normal. While not rare, most people don't report having suicidal thoughts. About 13.6% of adults in the US, ages 18-25, report having suicidal thoughts. Of American high school students, only 10% have attempted it before. In Canada, only around 12% of the population reports having had suicidal thoughts in their lifetime. Only 4.2% of people had made plans and only 3.1% of people had attempted in their lifetime.

Suicidal ideation and suicide attempts, while not rare perse, are not something seen within the majority of the population.

 

[prkset]

I feel the same way. It's a big reason I don't open up to anyone. It's strange, I truly have stopped caring about damn near every single thing in my life at this point, but being a burden for some reason still worries me immensely. If we're on this site, we're not "normal". I'm sorry, it's just true. Sure, a lot of people probably have thoughts of suicide but I guarantee most of them don't know the ingredients, measurements, and steps for a salt water bus ticket. I'm the last person to give any uplifting advice seeing as how I'm not long for this world (maybe I'll post on SS when the plan is in motion) but yeah man it's not good at all to feel the way we do. I don't know how old you are, but I'm 32 and I started feeling this way around 14 as well. I hope you're a lot younger than me, and you have time to maybe not fix it but alleviate it and learn to deal with it productively. If you're like me, and you've sabotaged your life to the point where you literally can't live with the memory of your past, then all I can say is please PLEASE plan carefully. Catching the bus doesn't mean anything if the bus gets a flat tire half way there and you're in a much worse situation than before. All the best.