I feel like I’m an extrovert but I’m too shy/socially inept to interact with others in any meaningful way

[Black Rose Bunny]

I really like being around other people and I would enjoy having deep conversations with others. And when I can't interact with anyone I get really sad and anxious. And I like to vent about my problems, I feel like it really helps me when someone listens and understands, but I feel like I'm forcing myself on them and draining their energy and making it really uncomfortable for them, I feel like when I vent to others I'm being abusive.

Even though I have such a need to be around other people, I find it so incredibly difficult to start conversations with others, and sometimes even then I have a lot of trouble finding something to say or the courage to say it, even though I really want to. I can Never be the first one to message, and I get incredibly anxious talking to people because I'm scared I'll mess up and they'll hate me. But also I feel like I do mess up a lot and I say stupid things or I'll communicate my thoughts wrong and make no sense or they'll think I meant something else. I think I make people really uncomfortable and that most people prefer it if I'm not around, and no matter how hard I try I can't change this.

Can anyone relate?

 

[Lunaloveflood]

Yes.. I hate venting about my problems to others I also feel like an abuser. But I feel so miserable if I keep it all to myself. I'm not good at communicating and I'm always awkward and saying stupid stuff so I avoid social situations, I feel as it's better for everyone.

 

[mouseteeth]

I can relate. Another similar problem I have is that I feel like most people don't actually want to have any deep, meaningful conversations. I feel like it's seen as off-putting or "weird" or something.
As a result I would just joke around probably too much, which isn't really any better.

 

[Mr2005]

I really like being around other people and I would enjoy having deep conversations with others. And when I can't interact with anyone I get really sad and anxious. And I like to vent about my problems, I feel like it really helps me when someone listens and understands, but I feel like I'm forcing myself on them and draining their energy and making it really uncomfortable for them, I feel like when I vent to others I'm being abusive.

Even though I have such a need to be around other people, I find it so incredibly difficult to start conversations with others, and sometimes even then I have a lot of trouble finding something to say or the courage to say it, even though I really want to. I can Never be the first one to message, and I get incredibly anxious talking to people because I'm scared I'll mess up and they'll hate me. But also I feel like I do mess up a lot and I say stupid things or I'll communicate my thoughts wrong and make no sense or they'll think I meant something else. I think I make people really uncomfortable and that most people prefer it if I'm not around, and no matter how hard I try I can't change this.

Can anyone relate?

Totally. It's not that I don't want to see people it's that I don't want them to see me

 

[Lady Lazarus 2020]

I agree.

 

[Dawgmom]

I don't think you can change who you are. I mean, if you enjoy deep conversations and need to talk about your problems in order to feel better, that's kinda who you are. And, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I'm the exact same way except I feel more like an introvert because I'm not one to often seek out others.

What I've found is most people don't listen to each other these days. Everything is about them and they have no ability to think or problem solve. This goes for the therapists I've encountered, as well. Talk therapy isn't very popular these days, either, it seems.

I've asked people I know to have coffee or go on a walk with me but they never have time or they have too many problems going on. They don't want to talk (or listen). They don't know how and - this goes back to everything being about them - they don't see any value in it. They don't get anything out of it and don't know how to relate.

Someone once told me that bright (smart) people feel and connect with things more deeply than others. They more easily connect to things on an emotional level even though it may be uncomfortable to do so. And, people like this are usually creative and have the ability to problem solve.

What's tough is finding like-minded people to communicate with. I've tried but I've not found anyone, either. Most conversations I have with others are superficial and unfulfilling. So, I have no easy answer, either. What I will tell you is don't try and change who you are. I've learned to have (limited) superficial relationships with people and continually look for others who are able to listen and relate. Sometimes, for only a few minutes, it's my mechanic or insurance agent or some random person. Sometimes it just me talking to myself or my dogs. A lot of times it's just me feeling lonely... and bright.

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

I don't have trouble starting conversations, but when I converse, I am told I am very socially awkward to the point where nobody really likes conversing with me sometimes. So there's my situation

 

[Melkus2020]

Social interactions have always been a chore for me. Now that I'm suicidal it's almost like nails on chalkboard just hearing someone talk.

 

[one.way.out]

I don't know how to help you with this, but I relate to this so, so much

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Life is unbearable without enough social connections to fulfill the lonely void. I relate. The best time to develop long term friends and engage is in your youth as you get older it becomes more difficult unfortunately due to acne (self esteem mood destroyer) I wasn't able to socialize enough and was left with the little connections I had in which I have nothing to offer them as my personality is non existent as I have nothing good to talk about.