I feel like I wasted a life and can't ever get it back

[Tintypographer]

I look around and realize how completely unfulfilling who I am, what I do, and why I exist has wound up. I wake every day to unfulfilling joy. I dislike who I am, I hate what I do, I can't change the past and I'm stuck simply living out middle age and old age regretting everything I chose. If I could go back in time I wouldn't tell myself to buy Microsoft or apple. I would simply say "die now" to my teenage self and spare the future the lame life that will exist.

I read a book this week called "the velvet rope economy" which explained how the gulf between wealthy and poor has grown so great that even our time and attention are something that can be sold to us. If you were fortunate enough to choose to make no mistakes and take huge chances early in life and have big breaks along the way you could be successful. Otherwise you are stuck in a life without joy or fulfillment.

Cognitive therapy offers a pair of rose colored glasses to dope you into feeling good about everyday things like clawing your way up to middle management or walking outside. What you want is a way to feel fulfilled and if a wrong choice is made that fulfillment is over.
Posted before I could finish.

I'm tired of the medications, I'm tired of reframing to be more positive. I don't want to live anymore and I want to end this wasted life soon.

 

[itsamadworld]

I'm sorry that you are experiencing unfulfillment. I am also middle aged myself, and you are correct. How the game is started out early in life is very important and the breaks given, and it seems to determine where the individual will land. I also find it's more difficult to learn new skills as i age, and i fear downward momentum sometimes too...... I really like how you explained, "the velvet road economy." It sounds like an interesting read!

I tried the CBT therapy, and it was a waste of my time basically. The modern world doesn't have a clue how to deal with the emotional problems that it has created. I also feel like science has kept too many people alive, and we were all fed a bunch of lies to pacify us. The modern world needs a lot of slaves to peddle it's materials, i guess......whereas in the past, societies would not have been able to sustain such an unhappy population....Yeah, the system is done.....Well, it will crash, i think. But it will then be hard on everyone,......except maybe the real rich. I hope to gone by the time the 'apocalypse' hits. Whatever that will be...but SI is a beast.

 

[IrRegularjoe]

I can relate to alot of what you said.

 

[I screwed up]

Same here ... Wasted opportunities and potential

 

[Bct]

Sorry for what you've experienced. I agree if someone is able not to get mistakes or afford to absorb the consequences from the early age, one more likely to be successful.

Unfortunately the medications and therapies are also didn't work for you. It must be really exhausting. Wish you a good luck in whatever you choose.

 

[ugly_loser2008]

when i look at my life i see many opportunites for success but bein a born loser I wasted all of them. Every opportunity i fucked up. i've given myself time to improve and still im shit. my entire life was a waste of time and regret not killing myself earlier.

 

[jussrav]

I look around and realize how completely unfulfilling who I am, what I do, and why I exist has wound up. I wake every day to unfulfilling joy. I dislike who I am, I hate what I do, I can't change the past and I'm stuck simply living out middle age and old age regretting everything I chose. If I could go back in time I wouldn't tell myself to buy Microsoft or apple. I would simply say "die now" to my teenage self and spare the future the lame life that will exist.

I read a book this week called "the velvet rope economy" which explained how the gulf between wealthy and poor has grown so great that even our time and attention are something that can be sold to us. If you were fortunate enough to choose to make no mistakes and take huge chances early in life and have big breaks along the way you could be successful. Otherwise you are stuck in a life without joy or fulfillment.

Cognitive therapy offers a pair of rose colored glasses to dope you into feeling good about everyday things like clawing your way up to middle management or walking outside. What you want is a way to feel fulfilled and if a wrong choice is made that fulfillment is over.
Posted before I could finish.

I'm tired of the medications, I'm tired of reframing to be more positive. I don't want to live anymore and I want to end this wasted life soon.

I feel the same way no joy in anything bad mental health. If it was easy to die I'd do it. I am just wasted here.