Rest is best
- Apr 30, 2018
Still havent heard back from a. I am really worrying that something went wrong. He was supposed to contact me yesterday about the mail tracking. I am really debating just driving off into the wilderness like my original plan was and succumbing to either dehydration or hypothermia. Its a shitty way to die but i really have no dignity left in this life. Nothing left to lose. All my friends have abandoned me and my moms the only one that actually gives a shit in my family. My dads gone from mildly depressed last year to totally losing it mentally leaving me and my mom to nurse him even though he doesnt even want our help. I know it sounds shallow but for everything he's put us through in the last couple years I cant be the one to take care of him. Hell i can barely keep it together myself. He basically told me I was a mistake at one point a couple months ago and ive come to realize how hurtfull and non available he was a father in my childhood not to mention the multiple times he cheated on my mom. Everytime he ran off to do whatever the fuck he was doing he had to come running back to my mom after he was out of money and always guilt tripped her into taking him back. On top of all that bullshit my eyes hurt all the time from not being given proper ppe for flying debris at my old work. I'm up all hours of the night because of my kidney problems which also is due to my old work not giving us bathroom breaks which also led to digestive problems. My knee aches all the time from breaking it in 26 places 3 years ago. I'm getting fat because I cant workout anymore and even if i could i wouldnt be able to find motivation. I also cant sleep because my back and shoulders are all fucked up from my stupid ass old work. Im frustrated. I hate this suffering and just want it to end. I know if I leave now theres a chance I'll be found in time to save me but they cant file a missing person report until 48 hours goes by. I wish I never started working at that stupid company. They ruined my life. Before working there atleast I didnt have kidney + digestive problems, back/shoulder issues, eye injuries and hearing loss. Sure I'd still be lonely as fuck because of other reasons but I'd almost be 100% health and in good shape. Getting really desperate. I had to move back into my moms house which is in the ghetto part of town and the bath/shower is falling apart so theres black mold there and you can only take baths in a tiny ass tub that never gets you fully clean unless you're 5 foot or smaller like my mom. So basically I'm living in poverty now too.