I feel like I am the victim of a real-time snuff film.

[Chronicillness]

I've hit a catastrophic nadir with my mental state.

My body is a real life fleshy and soulless marionette that is held upright artificially and kept alive by sadistic operators who are chronicling my extreme torture so that they can craft a record-breaking gory and hellish grand finale for them to please themselves to. It reads like hyperbole, I know, but I can't even take a shit, or piss into a toilet bowl without FEELING that there's someone watching me. I can FEEL the CONTOURS of entities that aren't visible. This feels REAL to me.

I practically fall asleep with my eyes open, constantly surveilling the darkness of my room for aliens and evil. Then I pass out from extreme exhaustion only to wake up gasping for air an hour later because my brain stem is being compressed by my unstable and compromised cranio-cervical junction.

I start my day, each day, with newly acquired brain damage, because of the fact that I am drowning in my sleep and my lagging brain jolts itself back into conscious reality only when it's near-death. I've woken up WITHOUT VISION multiple times before. I probably look like a fish that's been ripped from the ocean, using all of its explosive power to launch itself back into a breathable medium when I catapult out of my bed with the worst apneic shock imaginable; my face full of primal fear trying to catch a fucking breath.

The physical symptoms I have make me feel completely unsafe and the psychological torture is tantamount to having someone follow me around with a gun's cold metallic barrel kissing the back of my head, and their finger massaging the trigger, all the while they're constantly sliding the rack back 100s of times a day and then saying to me over and over "I'M GONNA FUCKING SHOOT!" while pushing me in the direction they want me to go with the barrel of their gun, leading me around my small condo in circles all day long while in a panicked frenzy.

I can't even get in the shower without worrying that hot lava might start spitting out of the shower head. Every benign and soothing ritual has now become bewitched with the intent to kill/harm by my mind's complete inability to process "safe" things as "safe."

PHYSICAL symptoms warped my psyche to this degree and I have no idea how my mind & body haven't already been completely forfeited to the inescapable chambers of psychosis. My body is constantly sending alarms of impending doom and I brace onto something and cower in response to these alarms all day long. Literally. Fight or flight 24/7. It's embarrassing to admit that I feel this infantilized and helpless.

I feel the terror so intensely and I would DO ANYTHING to make this stop.

 

[Chronicillness]

Terminally ill/chronically sick friends: What symptoms terrorize you the most?

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you have to go through. No one should have to suffer like that. I hope you find freedom from your suffering. This is such a cruel world.

 

[TooConscious]

I suffered undiagnosed illness my whole life
Autoimmune disease has ruined me and I have osteoporosis break bones have no hormones and it took till this year age 29 to get addressed.
My immune system destroying my thyroid I think is the worst as I'm constantly in a state of agitation with temperature fluctuation.

Due to horrible weak parents I never got treatment and was led to believe I stood the same chance as everyone else and it was all my fault if I suffered.
Never once got an apology or hint of regret at their mistake and instead they continue to try to destroy me both of them discussed my personal business with scumbags and I'm filled with the poison of resentment and do in fact now hate them which asyou may know is taxing on your body whe you're already fucking so Ill.
Humans are sick and evil.
If these are your own words they are really hard hitting and heartfelt.
I understand exactly how you feel, in my case I've felt for a long time there are cowardly petty forces wreaking havoc in my existence leeching off my suffering.
The more you go down the many rabbit holes that are around you realize you cannot prove anything and everything is belief and we can choose what to believe or not and it makes no difference what's currently happening to us, but we can believe it can, and manifest it? We have to take what's in front of us and what's not with a pinch of salt.
I feel welland truly cursed but am trying to develop the thinking patterns that it's my chocie how my emotional response is, thus I'm subconsciously deadening my emotions completely. It's so hard to put into words the entities and other realms feelings.
I hope you get better the thought of anyone else suffering near me is horrible, it makes me so sad thinking how may truly mentally ill people with 'hallucinotary disorders' are actually being followed by cowardly evil forces through no fault of their own other than the evil saw them vulnerable weakened and suffering and thought 'easy meal'
This existence is sick I wish God was a man and I fantazize about pushing my thumbs into his eyes watching the gunk seep put as he squeels in the pain he created and we throw him into an eternal simulated reality as a man and become corporate advertisers just like him and flog it like the truman show calling it *Will God CTBTV* and laugh at his pain.
But then that makes us just like him.

 

[Chronicillness]

I suffered undiagnosed illness my whole life
Autoimmune disease has ruined me and I have osteoporosis break bones have no hormones and it took till this year age 29 to get addressed.
My immune system destroying my thyroid I think is the worst as I'm constantly in a state of agitation with temperature fluctuation.

Due to horrible weak parents I never got treatment and was led to believe I stood the same chance as everyone else and it was all my fault if I suffered.
Never once got an apology or hint of regret at their mistake and instead they continue to try to destroy me both of them discussed my personal business with scumbags and I'm filled with the poison of resentment and do in fact now hate them which asyou may know is taxing on your body whe you're already fucking so Ill.
Humans are sick and evil.
If these are your own words they are really hard hitting and heartfelt.
I understand exactly how you feel, in my case I've felt for a long time there are cowardly petty forces wreaking havoc in my existence leeching off my suffering.
The more you go down the many rabbit holes that are around you realize you cannot prove anything and everything is belief and we can choose what to believe or not and it makes no difference what's currently happening to us, but we can believe it can, and manifest it? We have to take what's in front of us and what's not with a pinch of salt.
I feel welland truly cursed but am trying to develop the thinking patterns that it's my chocie how my emotional response is, thus I'm subconsciously deadening my emotions completely. It's so hard to put into words the entities and other realms feelings.
I hope you get better the thought of anyone else suffering near me is horrible, it makes me so sad thinking how may truly mentally ill people with 'hallucinotary disorders' are actually being followed by cowardly evil forces through no fault of their own other than the evil saw them vulnerable weakened and suffering and thought 'easy meal'
This existence is sick I wish God was a man and I fantazize about pushing my thumbs into his eyes watching the gunk seep put as he squeels in the pain he created and we throw him into an eternal simulated reality as a man and become corporate advertisers just like him and flog it like the truman show calling it *Will God CTBTV* and laugh at his pain.
But then that makes us just like him.

You've got autoimmune anti-bodies attacking your thyroid? Me too bro, me too. I've got Hashimoto's. Do you have Grave's Disease or Hashi's?

 

[TooConscious]

You've got autoimmune anti-bodies attacking your thyroid? Me too bro, me too. I've got Hashimoto's. Do you have Grave's Disease or Hashi's?

Hashimoto's
My levels are now always very low, so I'm assuming the thyroid is deadened but the way my body gets so fucked I think it may try to turn back on. Only this year I'm on 150 thyroxine

II hate the medical establishment for neglecting me for so long.

What happened was I paid private got the proof, still didn't get help off NHS, back well before covid so they can't use that as an excuse, then self medicated and ran out of money your talking over 3000gbp down the drain as people are snidy and sell medication they don't need for ALOT £40 FOR 28 100MG TABS As healthy people also use it as far burner.
So yes this nice doctor ay the addiction clinic finally sorted it for me but they didn't do the tests she wants for everything either.
Do you know if you can have 'both' if say there was antibodies attacking the entire body.? As I'm sure she said they only tested the antibodies for Hashimoto's and was surprised they didn't do both but NHS love fucking everything up because it's a suffering farmer for the elite and its poor overstretched staff.
I hope you get medicated properly.

 

[rationalis]

I am so sorry to hear about these things. Healthy people don't appreciate how good we have it.

 

[lost_ally]

I've hit a catastrophic nadir with my mental state.

My body is a real life fleshy and soulless marionette that is held upright artificially and kept alive by sadistic operators who are chronicling my extreme torture so that they can craft a record-breaking gory and hellish grand finale for them to please themselves to. It reads like hyperbole, I know, but I can't even take a shit, or piss into a toilet bowl without FEELING that there's someone watching me. I can FEEL the CONTOURS of entities that aren't visible. This feels REAL to me.

I practically fall asleep with my eyes open, constantly surveilling the darkness of my room for aliens and evil. Then I pass out from extreme exhaustion only to wake up gasping for air an hour later because my brain stem is being compressed by my unstable and compromised cranio-cervical junction.

I start my day, each day, with newly acquired brain damage, because of the fact that I am drowning in my sleep and my lagging brain jolts itself back into conscious reality only when it's near-death. I've woken up WITHOUT VISION multiple times before. I probably look like a fish that's been ripped from the ocean, using all of its explosive power to launch itself back into a breathable medium when I catapult out of my bed with the worst apneic shock imaginable; my face full of primal fear trying to catch a fucking breath.

The physical symptoms I have make me feel completely unsafe and the psychological torture is tantamount to having someone follow me around with a gun's cold metallic barrel kissing the back of my head, and their finger massaging the trigger, all the while they're constantly sliding the rack back 100s of times a day and then saying to me over and over "I'M GONNA FUCKING SHOOT!" while pushing me in the direction they want me to go with the barrel of their gun, leading me around my small condo in circles all day long while in a panicked frenzy.

I can't even get in the shower without worrying that hot lava might start spitting out of the shower head. Every benign and soothing ritual has now become bewitched with the intent to kill/harm by my mind's complete inability to process "safe" things as "safe."

PHYSICAL symptoms warped my psyche to this degree and I have no idea how my mind & body haven't already been completely forfeited to the inescapable chambers of psychosis. My body is constantly sending alarms of impending doom and I brace onto something and cower in response to these alarms all day long. Literally. Fight or flight 24/7. It's embarrassing to admit that I feel this infantilized and helpless.

I feel the terror so intensely and I would DO ANYTHING to make this stop.

Oh man, I am going through something similar. I can't help but feel all this is due to being gang stalked.
They use weapons to confuse and influence emotions. There's a lot of info on it these days as many are subjected to this cruel crime and sadly, the people who we would think would help are part of the agenda too.
Their main aim is to drive their victim to suicide. That way they get away with murder.

 

[TooConscious]

Op I think we may be connected on a spiritual plane.
Warning 'crude' talk ahead.
Do you have chronic constipation, I have suffered meckels diverticulum in the past had chronic bleeding and just put up with it never sought help until I collapsed and y organs were shutting down due to blood loss and are permanently damaged.
Each time I have a hard stool which is anytime I don't take 3+ laxative drinks a day I tear open 5 haemorrhoids I have sitting inside my bowels and bleed everyday and am very sore which I'm sure is leaving me constantly infected.

I've not read anyone believe they are a circus animal like me before.