I feel like a loser being here

[FriesLovee]

I feel like im a loser checking here every 20 minutes . I cant find any way of ctb because i feel like its way too risky with the unavailibility of equipments or being scared to fail it and get brain dammage and live with that . Im in canada and since that one guy got arrested for selling kits it's really hard to find anything anymore. I dont wanna force myself to ctb by a gruesome way .

 

[fvckfamily]

Hey how can try sn or other methods

 

[aipuweth]

I feel the same way, but the difference is I'm already a loser lol.

 

[FriesLovee]

Hey how can try sn or other methods

What ? It's so hard to get SN and im not a chemist I don't even understand how people make these chemicals it's so confusing

 

[Grumble]

A loser?

People who struggle with suicidality are some of strongest people I've ever known. The strength it takes to carry this burden.

It's the stigma that makes you believe you're a failure. But the stigma is bred out of a lack of understanding and people's inability to face this level of darkness. It's a lot easier for people to dismiss the suicidal as "losers" than to engage with them, face the darkness, and try to understand what it's like to be one of us.

DON'T BUY INTO THE STIGMA!

 

[AmIForReal]

I feel like im a loser checking here every 20 minutes . I cant find any way of ctb because i feel like its way too risky with the unavailibility of equipments or being scared to fail it and get brain dammage and live with that . Im in canada and since that one guy got arrested for selling kits it's really hard to find anything anymore. I dont wanna force myself to ctb by a gruesome way .

I can relate. It is overwhelming and scary. It should be easy but it isn't. I am taking it step by step.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

A loser?

People who struggle with suicidality are some of strongest people I've ever known. The strength it takes to carry this burden.

It's the stigma that makes you believe you're a failure. But the stigma is bred out of a lack of understanding and people's inability to face this level of darkness. It's a lot easier for people to dismiss the suicidal as "losers" than to engage with them, face the darkness, and try to understand what it's like to be one of us.

DON'T BUY INTO THE STIGMA!

Echoing this, you are not a loser. You're a strong fuckin person. The more you read and browse about methods you might be interested in, the less complicated it will hopefully become. It's understandably overwhelming at first, that's why it's best to slow down and just research when you first get here.<3 Feel free to convo me if you want to chat, wishing you the best.

 

[razorblade]

Honestly same, I've been on here for I think a year yet my only serious attempt was last november which I pussied out of and forced myself to vomit up the medication everyone else here always seems to have a endless amount of CTB possibility's everything from the 'classics' to more 'underground' methods it makes me feel like am doing something wrong or that am not trying enough

 

[Adûnâi]

People who struggle with suicidality are some of strongest people I've ever known. The strength it takes to carry this burden.

Just t play devil's advocate, suicidality is clearly not an issue normies have to deal with. My mom has to cook for me and also go to Italy to earn money, and I'd long kill myself before bothering to do any of that. Normies work as intended. It's we who are broken. Faulty. Defective.

 

[Grumble]

Just t play devil's advocate, suicidality is clearly not an issue normies have to deal with. My mom has to cook for me and also go to Italy to earn money, and I'd long kill myself before bothering to do any of that. Normies work as intended. It's we who are broken. Faulty. Defective.

I believed for the longest time that we were broken.

But then I read something random one day. Just a random stranger's thoughts somewhere online -- I don't remember where. I wish I could articulate it in a way that I originally read it, but there's no way I'm going to be able to do it justice. The point made, though, was this: We might feel like failures in this world, but is that really the case? Are we really being fair to ourselves in saying that? Or is it more fair to say that the world is failing us?

I wish I could remember what exactly they said and how they said it. But whatever it was, it immediately changed my way of thinking on this subject, and that definitely would not have been an easy thing to do.

It's such a complicated subject, looking at the ways of our society and the impacts it has on people of different personalities, different vulnerabilities, different environments, different genetics, different backgrounds, different cultures, etc.

Look at how insanely active this forum is. What does it say about the world and our way of life that this would be such a popular place to come to? People are so hung up on how "wrong" it is for a suicide forum to exist at all that they don't stop and question WHY it's here and WHY it's so popular.

They're so quick to dismiss us as broken losers. It's the easy, convenient (non)solution. It would be so much harder for society to actually stare the darkness in the face, confront it, and actually do something about it to better everyone's lives and give people better opportunities to recover and improve our general way of life and make it less likely for people to fall down the cracks in the first place.

Technically, the world doesn't owe us anything, and it's up to us to adapt to it. But make no mistake: This is a choice that "the world" has made. Society has the ability to do better; it just chooses not to.

 

[sadcausebad]

I live in Canada too and haven't found a SN source in forever. I keep thinking about applying for MAID but it makes me sick thinking I qualify simply for being autistic, I want to die but with what dignity I have left.

 

[CandyCane]

Which drugs do they use in MAID?

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

It's not your fault that the society thinks suicide is bad and therefore does everything it can to prevent people from doing it. The society is the loser, not you.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't think you're a loser. I don't think any of us are. Honestly, just finding the strength to even still moderately function makes you anything other than a loser. And even if you do ctb one day, it still doesn't make you a loser. It just means you've reached your breaking point. Everyone has one. Also, remember there are plenty of outside factors not in our control that push many of us to the point of ctb. We can only do the best we can with what we've been given, and it doesn't help when forces and events not in our control keep piling on top of us more and more.

 

[wandafurudayz]

I feel like im a loser checking here every 20 minutes . I cant find any way of ctb because i feel like its way too risky with the unavailibility of equipments or being scared to fail it and get brain dammage and live with that . Im in canada and since that one guy got arrested for selling kits it's really hard to find anything anymore. I dont wanna force myself to ctb by a gruesome way .

I feel the exact same way! like ive hit the bottom of the barrel...

 

[fvckfamily]

Moro no Brasil e, felizmente, poderei obter o SN, então entendo a dor que você sofre. Perdi tudo que amava e tudo que queria antes mesmo de completar 18 anos, em parte por causa da minha família. Se posso dizer algo, direi para você não desistir de poder ter uma morte digna, sejam quais forem os motivos que levaram a essa decisão.

 

[trs]

I believed for the longest time that we were broken.

But then I read something random one day. Just a random stranger's thoughts somewhere online -- I don't remember where. I wish I could articulate it in a way that I originally read it, but there's no way I'm going to be able to do it justice. The point made, though, was this: We might feel like failures in this world, but is that really the case? Are we really being fair to ourselves in saying that? Or is it more fair to say that the world is failing us?

I wish I could remember what exactly they said and how they said it. But whatever it was, it immediately changed my way of thinking on this subject, and that definitely would not have been an easy thing to do.

It's such a complicated subject, looking at the ways of our society and the impacts it has on people of different personalities, different vulnerabilities, different environments, different genetics, different backgrounds, different cultures, etc.

Look at how insanely active this forum is. What does it say about the world and our way of life that this would be such a popular place to come to? People are so hung up on how "wrong" it is for a suicide forum to exist at all that they don't stop and question WHY it's here and WHY it's so popular.

They're so quick to dismiss us as broken losers. It's the easy, convenient (non)solution. It would be so much harder for society to actually stare the darkness in the face, confront it, and actually do something about it to better everyone's lives and give people better opportunities to recover and improve our general way of life and make it less likely for people to fall down the cracks in the first place.

Technically, the world doesn't owe us anything, and it's up to us to adapt to it. But make no mistake: This is a choice that "the world" has made. Society has the ability to do better; it just chooses not to.

@Grumble you articulate some very good things.
Society, most people, families etc. don't like to have difficult, complicated conversations and truly "see" and look around them, they are hung up on themselves and if they are getting by then that's about all they are currently wired in their consciousness to do or pay attention to. It takes a very special person and someone whose already had very difficult experiences, to step outside of themselves and everyday reality to truly "see" what is going on around them and within themselves and try to make sense of why things are they way they are and what it means, such as why these issues and this forum exist. Most people are just not there. You sound like someone who thinks more deeply than the average person, and I'd be happy to further discuss with you.

 

[Grumble]

@Grumble you articulate some very good things.
Society, most people, families etc. don't like to have difficult, complicated conversations and truly "see" and look around them, they are hung up on themselves and if they are getting by then that's about all they are currently wired in their consciousness to do or pay attention to. It takes a very special person and someone whose already had very difficult experiences, to step outside of themselves and everyday reality to truly "see" what is going on around them and within themselves and try to make sense of why things are they way they are and what it means, such as why these issues and this forum exist. Most people are just not there. You sound like someone who thinks more deeply than the average person, and I'd be happy to further discuss with you.

The types of changes that need to be made are generational. This society doesn't have the patience for it. We are addicted to quick fixes and fast results and wanting to see headlines tomorrow, not 25 years from now. Even if it comes at the expense of creating future problems that further inhibit progress in the bigger picture.

The problem lies with the collective.

I don't blame the individual. Most neurotypicals are also suffering or struggling in their own ways, and a lot of that is a byproduct of our short-sighted way of life (ironically many of the same root problems as the suicidally-inclined).

Yes, they (we) are all responsible for their (our) own actions. But I guess what I mean is that I wouldn't look at the problems of the "bigger picture" and attribute those problems to any individual person.

@trs -- how relieving it was to see your response here! Thank you for chiming in.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You're not a loser for checking in here every day and spending most of your time here. I'm sorry you're struggling so much. I hope you find peace.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

You're not a loser for checking this site at all. Pretty much everyone here lives in very tough adverse mental conditions. While I can't do much I wish for you to find whatever you're looking for

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I believed for the longest time that we were broken.

But then I read something random one day. Just a random stranger's thoughts somewhere online -- I don't remember where. I wish I could articulate it in a way that I originally read it, but there's no way I'm going to be able to do it justice. The point made, though, was this: We might feel like failures in this world, but is that really the case? Are we really being fair to ourselves in saying that? Or is it more fair to say that the world is failing us?

I wish I could remember what exactly they said and how they said it. But whatever it was, it immediately changed my way of thinking on this subject, and that definitely would not have been an easy thing to do.

It's such a complicated subject, looking at the ways of our society and the impacts it has on people of different personalities, different vulnerabilities, different environments, different genetics, different backgrounds, different cultures, etc.

Look at how insanely active this forum is. What does it say about the world and our way of life that this would be such a popular place to come to? People are so hung up on how "wrong" it is for a suicide forum to exist at all that they don't stop and question WHY it's here and WHY it's so popular.

They're so quick to dismiss us as broken losers. It's the easy, convenient (non)solution. It would be so much harder for society to actually stare the darkness in the face, confront it, and actually do something about it to better everyone's lives and give people better opportunities to recover and improve our general way of life and make it less likely for people to fall down the cracks in the first place.

Technically, the world doesn't owe us anything, and it's up to us to adapt to it. But make no mistake: This is a choice that "the world" has made. Society has the ability to do better; it just chooses not to.

Love this so much. OP, you're not a loser<3