Venting I feel like a coward for not having done CTB despite the misfortunes I have had to endure.

[Versailles]

My survival instinct has only grown absurdly stronger despite the things I've had to endure
Things like: my partner's suicide, facing infidelity, having to escape Venezuela, not finding work, being marginalized due to my mental illness and disability, having to depend on others to pay rent and sell coffee or pick up food from the trash because no one will hire me for any job because I have a fairly noticeable physical disability and am constantly in danger of becoming homeless

And yet I still don't know how the hell I'm still here, I feel like a coward

 

[Shadows From Hell]

You aren't a coward. You aren't the first, and you won't be the last person to back out of an attempt. That doesn't make you a coward, it's just suicide is a harder thing to do than people realize. It's takes a lot of bravery to try and do this.

 

[donttalktome]

I understand you. I didn't CTB despite being broke for a year, a hardcore benzo addict that shakes if he doesnt take his dose every few hours, being in chronic pain from endless sickness, debt, feeling like i'm dying every day, people telling me i'm going to die soon, not being able to enjoy anything, the list is endless. There is nothing and no point for this. I suffered a few years just to experience unbearable pain and die in the end because there was never any hope. I was born an extreme coward that keeps deluding himself no matter how bad things get probably as a self-defense mechanism to not lose my mind.

 

[CTB Dream]

Vsry lif crul this undrstd no cwrd this lif crul no eas ctb, vsry hpn all rly awfl wrld no blm slf