I just need to vent. If anyone read my recovery post, I deleted a lot of photos of my ex and moved some to a playlist to save to a USB and put in a keepsake box.
Anyways, viewing those photos, digging up those memories, it seriously hurts. It reminded me of how lonely I've been ever since then. I want to say it's gotten better, and I think it has, but now it feels like only marginally. I don't really have any friends to talk to, I push them away, it's like I'm thoroughly repellant at times. As a result, I just feel so cripplingly lonely. I sit here, all alone, and I remember how happy I used to be. I remember some of the stupid conversations me and my ex would have, dreams of a future she ruined, and I don't know. I feel like maybe I was a rebound. I thought we were so happy, but she's been with the guy she cheated on me with longer than me, and that stings. They've been together from Dec 2022(same month we broke up, cheating)-present. Maybe I'm better off without her but it's like I can feel myself slipping into a place mentally that I have no desire to be, but it's like it is unstoppable.
I didn't know trying to clear my phone would do this to me, but I know it must be done, I can't leave these images on there. If I ever want to entirely move on, they have to go. I miss the days where I would ignorantly believe she would come back. I remember the posts I made hoping she might return. Some of the members here really helped me through those times, still helping me through current rough times.
I don't know, sometimes I really do just want to end it, but I keep clinging to some stupid hope that MAYBE my life will get better, maybe I can fall in love again. Feels unlikely, but maybe that's just pessimism. I wish I had someone who really could just help me through this. I'm going to log off now, if there's any replies, I'll get to them eventually.
Anyways, viewing those photos, digging up those memories, it seriously hurts. It reminded me of how lonely I've been ever since then. I want to say it's gotten better, and I think it has, but now it feels like only marginally. I don't really have any friends to talk to, I push them away, it's like I'm thoroughly repellant at times. As a result, I just feel so cripplingly lonely. I sit here, all alone, and I remember how happy I used to be. I remember some of the stupid conversations me and my ex would have, dreams of a future she ruined, and I don't know. I feel like maybe I was a rebound. I thought we were so happy, but she's been with the guy she cheated on me with longer than me, and that stings. They've been together from Dec 2022(same month we broke up, cheating)-present. Maybe I'm better off without her but it's like I can feel myself slipping into a place mentally that I have no desire to be, but it's like it is unstoppable.
I didn't know trying to clear my phone would do this to me, but I know it must be done, I can't leave these images on there. If I ever want to entirely move on, they have to go. I miss the days where I would ignorantly believe she would come back. I remember the posts I made hoping she might return. Some of the members here really helped me through those times, still helping me through current rough times.
I don't know, sometimes I really do just want to end it, but I keep clinging to some stupid hope that MAYBE my life will get better, maybe I can fall in love again. Feels unlikely, but maybe that's just pessimism. I wish I had someone who really could just help me through this. I'm going to log off now, if there's any replies, I'll get to them eventually.
