Venting I feel guilty for feeling suicidal

[sad_rain]

Hi, this is my first post on here, I am not sure if I need to use the right terminology.
I feel guilty for feeling suicidal. I feel guilty because peoples lives are harder than mine and they are going through such horrible things but they aren't feeling the same way. I hate that life keeps getting better and then 10x worst. The happiness never lasts. Every time I get happy, I get sad again. I tried therapy, that doesn't work. What is the point. I start thinking am I pathetic? All these people are suffering. Am I selfish? These thoughts have been going through my mind but it's not fair, life is not fair and I don't want to keep living in it.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

AT first I did, but it can only get so bad before you stop feeling guilty. I no longer for guilty at all for wanting to CTB.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty for being suicidal in any case. It's your life, your personal decision and you are the one who is suffering. It's your choice and not someone else business when you can't endure the pain anymore. Yes indeed life is so curel and unfair most of the time making existing sometimes so horrible in this world.

I also know from own experience how it feels when things seemingly are getting better but then suddenly everything turns around and there's nothing left of it again. It's a terrible feeling.

Whatever you decide is your own decision, you don't have to feel guilty! I hope you can find peace!

 

[Lulzacruel]

if you arent hurting anyone else then why do you feel guilty? im curious because i find that suicidal people tend to feel guilty over something that is THEIR emotions that NOBODY else can control or suffer from.

we are all human, its unwise to feel guilty for your human feelings. vent if you need, cry if you need to if you want to keep on living, everyone has their own struggles and we shouldnt humiliate them for it

 

[not a person]

Apart from the fact that I've never done therapy, I often feel like this too, as if my problems wouldn't be enough to justify CTB

 

[Namensjemand]

if you arent hurting anyone else then why do you feel guilty? im curious because i find that suicidal people tend to feel guilty over something that is THEIR emotions that NOBODY else can control or suffer from.

we are all human, its unwise to feel guilty for your human feelings. vent if you need, cry if you need to if you want to keep on living, everyone has their own struggles and we shouldnt humiliate them for it

I whole heartedly agree that one should foremost meet ones emotions non-judgemental. What matters his how one interacts with them. You can't control what they are, in the moment they come.

That said, guilt is also an emotion. I think it is okay to feel guilty. Maybe one knows, deep down, one can do better? Maybe it is the stigma and social disdain. Maybe related to a general complex of guilt related to the cause of the situation. Only sad rain can answer that or figure it out.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that wishing for suicide is a perfectly valid way to feel, we all have our right to cease existing and it isn't like we are obligated to continue existing here anyway, there is nothing selfish about wanting permanent relief from suffering. Deciding when to take control over our inevitable fate will always be a personal decision that nobody else should have any right to interfere in.

 

[Baron]

I feel the same way sometimes. Even though nothing too bad ever happened to me and I enjoyed a fulfilling childhood I still want to take my life. Even though I have a caring mother, I despise her. I have so much, still I reject everything at the same time. All those feelings I have are making me go crazy and all I want now is death. I don't care if it's guilt or sadness, when I am dead, I won't feel anything and that is something that is so beautiful.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Everyone has their limits. Some people can take whatever life throws at them and smile, but others become overwhelmed by this. Basically we all have our own cup size and some fill faster than others.

 

[BloomingStrella]

I can relate. On the days I feel despaired, I am ashamed of myself, because there is so much human suffering tenfold worse than mine, and here I am, pathetically wishing I was dead. It's like I don't even deserve to be sad. I wish I was dead because of the way my body looks, depression, among many other things, while there are people who are suicidal because their living situation isn't the greatest, or they've been sexually assaulted, family or otherwise. It feels like I'm selfishly wasting my tears over trivial things, while they could be of use in another's eyes.

 

[todiefor]

I can relate, i don't have a history of mental or physical illness like many here, I've had a comfortable life until a year ago, I have loved life, I've never been suicidal or knew what it was like until experiencing a year of abuse and betrayal from the person I trusted the most, and it completely destroyed any trust or faith I had in the world or other people or myself. I don't think anyone believes or thinks I should be suicidal because of this, everyone just wants me to suck it up and move on, don't waste time you are already too old to have children they say. You need to be stronger than this they say, and I do agree with them.

My abuser is gone now abd I do feel better, but nothing that he has fundamentally destroyed for me will ever change. I've lost myself. I barely sleep or eat, My abuser still haunts me in my dreams, ridiculing me as I begged him to be more kind, mocking and laughing as I had panic attacks, telling me I should go kill my self as it would make everything so much better for him, telling me how much he has always hated me and everything I had or experienced in the last 10 years was an utter lie, these are things that actually all happened and they just get played over and over, I wake up with my heart palpitating like it's gone insane.

I don't know whether I deserve to ctb. 6 months ago I started planning my ctb because it was the only coping mechanism that helped me withstand the abuse I was going through, it helped me to continue to care for my abuser, shut up about my own feelings, give him the best care and best of everything while he abused me and I was totally breaking inside. I've gone way past my breaking point for months, everyday I desperately want to die so the pain can stop.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

I can relate, I'm sorry for what you're going through.

 

[wren-briar]

I would argue that:
a) It is selfish to CTB
AND
b) it is selfish to ask someone else not to CTB

Why are we supposed to feel guilty for one but not the other?

Not a single human being asked to be born.

Not a single human being asked to be born into the situation that we were born.

So why should any of us feel guilty for not wanting to exist?

Every single human who has been born is going to die, why should we feel guilty for wanting to choose the when, where, and how we die, which -by extension- includes why we choose to die?

Not to mention -on the chance that you simply have ideations, without any actual intent- why should you feel guilty for the mere thought?