I feel guilty for coming on here or even just for feeling this way.

[somerandomguy123]

I just feel so wrong for feeling this way. I have many friends and people I know who have had far far harder lives than me and yet I'm here wondering if there is a way to end it all. I shouldn't feel this way, there is more reason for me to be happy right now than there is to be this way. I'm currently travelling the world especially asia and my friends constantly message me talking about how jealous they are of me and wishing they could be in my place and I always think to myself that actually I would do anything to be in their position and feel normal. I have nobody to talk to at all. I've been feeling so obscenely down and suicidal for the last 8 months maybe, with ups and downs throughout. There isn't any real reason but certain things just trigger it to go bad and spiral back into the most horrible hopeless feelings I've ever experienced. My best friend, who I've never told about how I feel just recently replaced me at university, although this really isn't that bad and I knew that would happen it sent me back into a dark spiral where I've been considering CTB more than I ever have before. I have many friends yet feel so alone and distancing from the person who I considered closest made that feeling of loneliness many times worse. I wish I could tell someone, but I'm terrible at talking to people about things like these and also hate the feeling of panicking or burdening the people I love. I feel wrong coming on here to complain as there are so many people here who I know are far more likely to have the courage to CTB and have real issues where any rational person will hear there situation and understand why they might CTB. I'm sorry to anyone who has real problems, but I just needed somewhere to explain how I have been feeling. The way I have been over the last 8 months have made things like distancing with my closest friend feel like the most painful thing and I just can barely handle it anymore, I feel so hopeless, like a feeling that I know there is no way to make this stop. This whole time I have been thinking to myself that eventually I will get used to the pain or that I would become immune to it, but I never have.

 

[Amyend88]

Please don't be. It's society that's to blame, not you. If they cared, they'd help people better, and at least give us a peaceful way out of this place if needed.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

Your problems seem pretty real to me, man. This thing you're currently experiencing is very distressing and harmful to you and it's your reality. And you can't exactly control when you have such feelings even if your life is seemingly perfect. Loneliness especially can be pretty dreadful and I perfectly understand what it's like to have friends but to still feel so utterly alone, like you aren't yourself around them, like you're wearing a mask and there's a wall between you or that you can't be fully honest with them and even when you try to be it just doesn't feel right because you're on different wavelengths.

Please don't feel guilty or like you're a burden for feeling this way, going through this and telling us about it. This website is accepting towards people with any kinds of issues no matter how seemingly big or small, no reason is any less valid than another when it comes to wishing to CTB. And everyone's allowed to vent in whatever way they see fit, there will always be people to acknowledge your experience and listen to you even if we can't offer solutions. There's nothing to be ashamed of

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that people should be allowed to vent about wanting to die no matter what, one doesn't need to meet a certain suffering criteria to be valid in their feelings.

 

[exiled]

Hey, you really have nothing to be guilty for. I know that doesn't magically take away what you're feeling, but I can tell you have a really big heart. You are absolutely allowed to come onto a forum that you consider to be a safe space and express emotions you wouldn't otherwise openly share. I think it's brave to come on here and really be raw with people, even behind a screen and anonymous username. Also, saying that you should be happier because people have it worse is like saying you shouldn't be happy, because people have it better. Doesn't quite make sense.

All you have experience of is the world through your own lens and this is how you're feeling. It's commendable to talk about it; most of the world is terrified to even SAY the "s" word, let alone acknowledge it within themselves. Long story short, it's okay if this place is bringing you some comfort and peace. And it's also okay to want to use this place as a space to vent but also to want to heal on the side. I am here if you ever need to just talk about what's been going on in your mind. I think above all else around here, that's the best thing you can do.