I feel good bleeding

[prototypian]

I'm not a cutter. But I do love it when I get hurt and bleed. I fell and scraped up my leg and ankle with some pretty heavy cuts and I like to imagine that if I pick the scab off and let it bleed I will somehow bleed out. I know it's not an artery so there is no chance but somehow it gives me comfort that my life is pouring out of me. I've stopped feeling a sense of fear or self preservation. I think that's a good thing for me. I never wanted to care in the first place.

I didn't ask to care. I never asked to have a body or shape or brain. So many things die everyday that I don't see why I matter at all compared to a squirrel or a bird or a paramecium.

 

[stupidhuman]

I feel you. I also always think that I deserve certain self harm behavior because I am trash because I am incapable of doing what I want or even know what I want. I can feel my potential deep down but it's unreachable because … I don't know

It's not the pain but the behavior of doing that which obviously leads to pain but I primarily think of the act.

I swear I hate this organic piece of meat thing called brain. fucking useless