Venting I feel awful (failed hanging attempt)

[mapleboy]

The source I had for the SN I was going to buy had sold out, and I immediately spiraled. I took a thin bedsheet, threw it over the doorframe, tied one end to the doorknob, stood on a chair, and tied the other end around my neck. My dog and cat were both watching me, their eyes seems to be full of concerned curiosity. I texted my partner, "I love you, I'm sorry", and stepped off the chair. My head immediately felt fuzzy, I was struggling to breathe. It felt like my head was going to explode, it was awful. I got really scared, and stood on the chair again. I had placed it in a way in which I could sit on top of the back part and still have the bedsheet constrict my arteries in my neck. It really did feel like I was dying, and it scared me. I looked back at my pets, they still had no idea what was happening. Poor things. I stepped off the chair again, this time determined to commit. My head felt fuzzy again, my fingers started to feel tingly and my palms started to sweat. I tried to relax myself despite still not being able to breathe and my head feeling like a balloon getting ready to pop. "This is my way out, I can finally end everything", I thought to myself. Unfortunately I started to panic, and stood on the chair again. I untied the bedsheet from my neck and the doorknob, folded it, and put it away. I sat on the floor and cried.

I'm so pathetic. I feel embarrassed about being so distraught over one little thing and immediately trying to kill myself. I hate myself so much, my panic didn't let me think about how my SN source was most likely going to restock in the future. I'm a horrible person with so many dumb fucking issues. It's not like I even have the money to purchase SN right now, why am I so fucking stupid? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm so sorry for your pain!
You might want to try and find ways to calm yourself down in that sort of situations So you don't end up failing and hurting yourself worse

I get your strong impulses very much, for me cold, ice cube or something, helps get me through it. Or an anxiety video to calm down. Breathing exercises. Things like that.

Not telling you what to do! Just hoping I can give you a way to deal a bit better with the impulsivity.

Don't be sorry! Try to be kind to yourself

 

[mapleboy]

I'm so sorry for your pain!
You might want to try and find ways to calm yourself down in that sort of situations So you don't end up failing and hurting yourself worse

I get your strong impulses very much, for me cold, ice cube or something, helps get me through it. Or an anxiety video to calm down. Breathing exercises. Things like that.

Not telling you what to do! Just hoping I can give you a way to deal a bit better with the impulsivity.

Don't be sorry! Try to be kind to yourself

Yeah, it just all happened like immediately. I'm already an extremely impulsive person, but I didn't realize it was to that extent. Everything went blank and then it just happened.

 

[Evelyn Lane]

As SN becomes more and more regulated in the coming years, I imagine this kind of scenario will become more common.

 

[mapleboy]

As SN becomes more and more regulated in the coming years, I imagine this kind of scenario will become more common.

I hate how much more inaccessible peaceful methods are becoming, it's so disheartening.