Story I feel a bit selfish

[TheQ22]

Found out last week that a cousin of mine died of cancer, she was only about 6 years older than me. Found out today another guy I know is in hospital, they thought he might have covid, turns out it's lung and liver cancer.

Rather than feeling sad I'm feeling jealous that they have a way out without even trying.

That's messed up thinking.

 

[rt1989526]

I know what you mean. I wish I could trade places with these people. I don't want to be here and they do, yet we're on opposite ends. That's life in a nutshell, it's complete garbage.

Sorry to hear about your family though, that sucks, assuming they wanted to be alive.

 

[XYZ]

Found out last week that a cousin of mine died of cancer, she was only about 6 years older than me. Found out today another guy I know is in hospital, they thought he might have covid, turns out it's lung and liver cancer.

Rather than feeling sad I'm feeling jealous that they have a way out without even trying.

That's messed up thinking.

Not sure this will make you feel any better, but my knee-jerk reaction to hearing news about someone passing is always "Should've been me instead".

 

[TheQ22]

Yeah she went through loads of chemo and etc to no avail, and he is bolloxed basically.

He's about 70, has sleep apnea (caused by being obese - not super huge but he does himself no favours because he shovels food in like a pig - buys a pack of 4 pork steaks and has them all in one sitting with a big pile of mashed potatoes and veg and gravy and sauce), he has T2 diabetes, and heart problems, is on more pills than you'd find in a chemist, and his knees are goosed too from the weight.

So his chances are, I would say, very slim (no pun intended). I think if you have the big C in your lungs and your liver it means it's spread and it's basically game over.

I can't see how they could operate because of his apnea and heart issues.

 

[dysfunctional]

Oh yeah, I wish I had terminal cancer and every time I see someone in the news that died, I'm jealous

 

[BPD Barbie]

Last year I was investigated for a brain tumour, I was actually gutted when they told me I didn't have cancer. Iv'e lost people to cancer and know it's a horrible disease but still, I wanted it so badly, had a plan to refuse all treatment, just take pain relief and stuff to make me more comfortable etc and just let myself slip away. Feels like I'm sick in my mind, well I am but lol, to wish I had cancer but I can't help it.

 

[TheQ22]

This is a bit mad, but I'm starting to wonder if I might have cancer. I've had a niggly pain in my left chect/lung for a while but very intermittent, over last few days been feeling it more and more and today when I woke up it was really painful.

When you combine it to I've lost about 1 1/2 stone in last 3 months (about 5 or 6 pounds in last 2 weeks) without really trying (I've never been able to lose weight before) - and this during giving up smoking, I have no appetite, am getting pins and needles / loss of feeling in left little finger and one next to it, and feeling a bit confused and on edge / anxious.

They are all symptoms of it. What are the chances? Or is it wishful thinking??

My sisters had cancer before but had surgeries etc and is clear of it now.

 

[tidalwxves]

Found out last week that a cousin of mine died of cancer, she was only about 6 years older than me. Found out today another guy I know is in hospital, they thought he might have covid, turns out it's lung and liver cancer.

Rather than feeling sad I'm feeling jealous that they have a way out without even trying.

That's messed up thinking.

I'm glad you have a place to be honest about your feelings, do you have anyone in real life you can share these thoughts with?

 

[nitroautnz]

It's not selfish, because you would take their disease if you can, maybe we can be judge for beeing insensitive or horrible for wanting a disease that nobody want. But I wish sometime too, to have cancer, i would die without beeing judge and can help the people I love to grief before I died the pain and suffer dont scare me because it wouldn't be self inflicted.