My sister also had psychosis in the past. She always had more cognitive problems and I had more mood problems. I still have. I think my sister has changed. I think her thought process is pretty slow. I have the feeling she is not much self-aware about everything. She cannot really think straight. This is at least my impression. That is super scary for me.
I am prett scared this could happen to me. When I took no medication I was on the edge of going fully insane. My ex-therapist helped me to improve my social skills again. I think it stems from her illness not the medication. I think I am pretty different to her my thoughts are often racing which can be pretty torturous. And I have the feeling I am quite self-aware. She kind of resembles our dad. He never had a psychosis but sometimes I have the feeling his untreated depression caused a similar state to dementia in him. He forgets most of the things I tell him after 30 seconds. He is very stupid and ignorant. I mean it is not a trait one can choose (his or her IQ) but due to his foolishness the two lives of his children are forever ruined. I envy he can work a normal job despite his brain issues.
I see it coming what will happen in the future. This family will get into extreme financial problems. I cannot work and my sister probably also can't work. But I think either my relatives are too stupid or too ignorant to face the ugly truth. I already plan my suicide when the nightmare will happen. But them they truely believe everything will be fine. When we look at the facts in our family it is pretty obvious we are fucking fucked. I think it will become extremely dramatic. The conflicts gonna be insane. Playing the blame game etc. I think noone in my family can really cope with poverty. My parents are so fucking naive.
My sister probably has to go now to a school for disabled people. my dad wanted me to pressure to go to such a school. Thank God I resisted his pressure. This would have made me insanely depressive. A former therapist urged me to go to college again instead. I was very hesitate and anxious due to the fact the last times mania was triggered. But at least for the moment I have to be very thankful for his advice. Honestly I think I cannot work anyway but I am chasing a tiny hope. It is a fight against the odds. However I think college will backfire in the end. Currently it rather improves my mood but I think in the end the result will be a new manic episode and then I have to kill myself. I am playing this postponing or escape game. I try to play the cards which I have been dealt with the best way possible. But all my options suck ass.
My parents are so ignorant people. Two very bad things have happened to my sister recently. I could see it today when I looked at my mom. She felt really guilty. Though only 4 days ago she gossiped disgustingly about the alleged laziness of my sister behind her back. Yeah my parents have a great gift. They are so ingorant they can fade out the horrible guilt they should feel (child abuse) I can remember my mom went to a doctor because she had anxiety I gonna kill myself due to poverty. I repeated that all the time in this time period. I still think that but I feel okay enough not having to reiterate it all the time. After my mom went to him I met her doctor. He was pretty arrogant toward myself. I could really feel it. It sounded like yeah you express suicidality but stop to scar your mom in that way. Many people have suicidal thoughts and most of them would not do it. To be honest this logic is very flawed and there is scientific evidence that talking about suicidal thoughts is often associated with really going through with it.
I can remember it. It was kind of funny. I realized he did not take me serious which I perceived as very disrespectful. I ignored him and thought go fuck yourself bastard. Some weeks after that meeting I called his practice. I wanted to have some official papers and more knowledge about creating a patient's degree. This shall determine your fate (death) when you are unconscious for example in a coma. I did not do it to show him I was serious I was genuinely interested in making preparations for my death. I can remember his stupid face when I asked about the patients's degree. But he did not brought the topic up.
I am prett scared this could happen to me. When I took no medication I was on the edge of going fully insane. My ex-therapist helped me to improve my social skills again. I think it stems from her illness not the medication. I think I am pretty different to her my thoughts are often racing which can be pretty torturous. And I have the feeling I am quite self-aware. She kind of resembles our dad. He never had a psychosis but sometimes I have the feeling his untreated depression caused a similar state to dementia in him. He forgets most of the things I tell him after 30 seconds. He is very stupid and ignorant. I mean it is not a trait one can choose (his or her IQ) but due to his foolishness the two lives of his children are forever ruined. I envy he can work a normal job despite his brain issues.
I see it coming what will happen in the future. This family will get into extreme financial problems. I cannot work and my sister probably also can't work. But I think either my relatives are too stupid or too ignorant to face the ugly truth. I already plan my suicide when the nightmare will happen. But them they truely believe everything will be fine. When we look at the facts in our family it is pretty obvious we are fucking fucked. I think it will become extremely dramatic. The conflicts gonna be insane. Playing the blame game etc. I think noone in my family can really cope with poverty. My parents are so fucking naive.
My sister probably has to go now to a school for disabled people. my dad wanted me to pressure to go to such a school. Thank God I resisted his pressure. This would have made me insanely depressive. A former therapist urged me to go to college again instead. I was very hesitate and anxious due to the fact the last times mania was triggered. But at least for the moment I have to be very thankful for his advice. Honestly I think I cannot work anyway but I am chasing a tiny hope. It is a fight against the odds. However I think college will backfire in the end. Currently it rather improves my mood but I think in the end the result will be a new manic episode and then I have to kill myself. I am playing this postponing or escape game. I try to play the cards which I have been dealt with the best way possible. But all my options suck ass.
My parents are so ignorant people. Two very bad things have happened to my sister recently. I could see it today when I looked at my mom. She felt really guilty. Though only 4 days ago she gossiped disgustingly about the alleged laziness of my sister behind her back. Yeah my parents have a great gift. They are so ingorant they can fade out the horrible guilt they should feel (child abuse) I can remember my mom went to a doctor because she had anxiety I gonna kill myself due to poverty. I repeated that all the time in this time period. I still think that but I feel okay enough not having to reiterate it all the time. After my mom went to him I met her doctor. He was pretty arrogant toward myself. I could really feel it. It sounded like yeah you express suicidality but stop to scar your mom in that way. Many people have suicidal thoughts and most of them would not do it. To be honest this logic is very flawed and there is scientific evidence that talking about suicidal thoughts is often associated with really going through with it.
I can remember it. It was kind of funny. I realized he did not take me serious which I perceived as very disrespectful. I ignored him and thought go fuck yourself bastard. Some weeks after that meeting I called his practice. I wanted to have some official papers and more knowledge about creating a patient's degree. This shall determine your fate (death) when you are unconscious for example in a coma. I did not do it to show him I was serious I was genuinely interested in making preparations for my death. I can remember his stupid face when I asked about the patients's degree. But he did not brought the topic up.
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