Venting I failed miserably in life and I'm such a big failure

[Praestat_Mori]

This year comes to an end soon and for me this year had nothing but decline and failures. Like the past years ended at a lower stage so does this year end much lower than the last one. It's so agonizing when all attempts to rescue this shit failed in all the recent years. Life is fucked up and I'm a mess with no motivation and depressive episodes bc nothing's gonna change anyway and I don't have the energy and will to try sth again bc when it fails again I will not be able to bear another failure.

Failed in life in "mid age" = death sentence. I know already that, just in case, I still survive next year that it will end lower than this one if there's no miracle happening. I'd not want to die if things turned around positive in an acceptable way for me. Why is dying so difficult? It'd save me from so much more suffering, unsolvable problems and the pain of having to live a life that I don't want to live given the current circumstances and I don't have the power to get out of this downward spiral.

Thanks for reading.

 

[f1lth]

im sorry life can be so cruel, its unfair. You deserved a better life, i truly hope it does get better for you, but i know that doesnt always happen. Either way i hope youre able to find peace.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Same.
I've Tried multiple times to crawl out of a pit , yet found myself sinking deeper into despair.
It's utterly exhausting and soul-destroying when you can't move forward and the game of life seems to be rigged against you, even though you've given it your best efforts.
Yet I truly hope that some miracle comes your way and you can get back on your feet somehow.

 

[k1w1]

This year comes to an end soon and for me this year had nothing but decline and failures. Like the past years ended at a lower stage so does this year end much lower than the last one. It's so agonizing when all attempts to rescue this shit failed in all the recent years. Life is fucked up and I'm a mess with no motivation and depressive episodes bc nothing's gonna change anyway and I don't have the energy and will to try sth again bc when it fails again I will not be able to bear another failure.

Failed in life in "mid age" = death sentence. I know already that, just in case, I still survive next year that it will end lower than this one if there's no miracle happening. I'd not want to die if things turned around positive in an acceptable way for me. Why is dying so difficult? It'd save me from so much more suffering, unsolvable problems and the pain of having to live a life that I don't want to live given the current circumstances and I don't have the power to get out of this downward spiral.

Thanks for reading.

My man.....I read a few of your posts, I think your online name is an indicator of the ability to go the extra steps in thinking out something beyond the usual banality, or misery. I actually relate to your position. It does honestly get worse as middle age passes and the next big birthday begins with a 7.
Since you have a genuine wish that things could be improved you are streets ahead of me. When lets say things started going bad 2 years ago, it has really spiralled. I took my last Asia trip, made my gas machine....and spent a lot of time laying on my bed too pissed off to take care of myself properly. I swore Id go out after a long motorcycle ride and other things I enjoy but for me....I have lost my fear, of going. just the will to sort this week then any old night will do. Best wishes....you have a strong will

 

[Manfrotto99]

I feel exactly the same way to you. Ive had 15 years of knowing nothing but decline, loss and failure. I must be very stubbon as I've struggled on hoping something might change and sometimes I might get a glimpse of it, but then things beyond my control happen to take me down again, time and time again. I'm completely worn out. I too wouldn't want to die if something positive happened in my life, despite depression and lack of motivation I still love animals and appreciate nature. But I never seem to get a positive break. I know there are others like me but I've never really met anyone so unlucky.

 

[roguetrader]

Growing old sucks as does going broke.
Put those 2 together and its a death sentence!

 

[gbi2]

Very sorry that you are in your situation. From your posts I think whatever situations we have been in our current one is the same. It's not that we can't or haven't thought of things to do, to get out of it or to improve our lives, it's that something always goes wrong, but we have sure as hell given it everything just like we were advised to do.

I feel insulted when people talk to me like I haven't tried. It's like when you give up through even nearly killing yourself trying to not give up, they assume you gave up without trying.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I relate to u very much. I'm 46 and my life really has been a waste. I do understand that in part it is the system that we live under. It is designed to steal your time, your wealth, your energy, your health. The way it's set up is to keep part of the population barely surviving or never being able to gain any significant financial security. Then another portion of the population lives off the energy of the people actually doing all the work. In a honest system the money would retain its value, no inflation, no taxation, and the bulk of the wealth would go to people actually doing the difficult, dangerous, unpleasant, jobs that nobody else wants to do or can't do. I feel like the initial disadvantages I came into this world with only compounded because we live in a society where they decieve and exploit the young people especially if u are from the working class. We assume we come into a system that is reasonably honest or working for our best interest but that's not true at all. This system is designed to promote the interests of those with the wealth and power at our expense.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really dreadful feeling so trapped in that situation, existence is just too cruel. But anyway best wishes.