I failed at my jumping height suicide attempt. I was so embarrassed to even say here 
. I was calm but once there, I got scared I would survive. That I would become paralyzed, bump into something along the way or someone would find suspicious that I was in the pool late at night since there are cameras everywhere.
I'm thinking of doing the SN suicide. It seems more peaceful and less risky. Since I don't go out much home I don't have any other option but to buy from online stores and get it delivered to my place. I have no idea where I can buy it here and if it is going to be pure.
I found two options, both from a trusted site and good reputation sellers:
1-Laboratory grade, 500g. It's powder, comes in a bottle. National brand. The attested purity is 97,5%. The seller told me it comes well packaged and in a shipping box. The seller is using a real pic of the product in the ad taken by himself. I included the technical aspects in a pic annexed without showing much to not cause problems. I hope it is ok since I saw other topics doing it. And I couldn't find anything in the rules against it.
2-Food grade, 1 kg. It's powder and comes in a bag. Imported brand, not sure if I'm allowed to say the name here so I'll refrain for now. 99,5% purity. The seller guarantees it is pure and a yellowish colour powder. He added in the selling ad a pic of a Sodium Nitrate package but he keeps saying the pic is wrong and they need to change for everyone who asks. That it is Sodium Nitrite (NaNo2). He has a separate ad for Sodium Nitrate itself with the same pic and different price.
I asked if he would box my package and he just answered that it is sent by the shipping company. I didn't want to push any further to not look suspicious.
The problem with the second one is that I fear my brother will find out if it doesn't come packaged and shipping companies in my country usually don't have a good real-time tracking system, unlike the national shipping service. My brother could be the one who ends up getting it. And he knows I'm suicidal. Especially if it comes loose without a package.
Will the laboratory grade be harder to swallow or more painful? What do you guys think is best to buy? I'm paying on Monday, should reach here the week after the next.
Ingredients I will be using:
Sodium Nitrite: 50mg, 25mg dissolved in two cups of 50ml water each.
Antiemetic: Metoclopramide (Primperan) 30mg
Antacid: Tagamet (Cimetidine) 800mg
Pain killers: Paracetamol 750mg x2
Sedatives: Xanax (Alprazolam). Unsure of how much yet.
Beta-Blockers:
Considering taking one. More information in the process.
Disposable plastic cups, straws, and a warning letter for the safety of my brothers, stating that is poison. A bowl to throw up in case I vomit. A bottle of water if I happen to throw up too much. Also considering something just to take the salty taste from my mouth but not sure what yet.
Plan:
Fasting for at least 3 days ahead. I will start once it is shipped.
I will do everything in one day:
Sodium Nitrite: 25mg in 50ml of plain water. And an extra cup with an additional 25mg for precaution.
Primperan: 30 mg, 45 minutes before taking my sn.
Cimetidine: 800 mg, half an hour before my sn.
Paracetamol: 1500 mg, half an hour before my sn.
Xanax: Not sure how much to take. I take 4 mg daily. I'll take my normal doses and thinking of taking more 3/4 mg one by one, starting 1 hour before taking the sn.
Beta-Blockers: I'm considering taking it to help. It is supposed to be only sold with prescription but is possible to buy in some drug stores. I had seen plenty of people doing it normally. Can someone help me with dosage and time before taking the SN?
Cheap beta blockers I found here:
Propanol
Atenolol (Is it a possible alternative if propanol needs a prescription?)
More options names are appreciated so I can find something that can help and is sold without prescription. Some are too expensive. My brother takes one but his one is pricey. I was thinking of taking one from him but chances are he is going to notice and it might hinder my suicide attempt since he takes it before sleeping. He doesn't use a prescription to buy.
The final act:
I'm thinking of taking the sn at 16:00 AM. No one wakes up until 9:00 AM the next day and it is rare that someone calls me and if they do they tend to ignore me if they think I'm sleeping. I only have a bed in my room but I will be reclining on the wall using pillows. I'll have a bowl ready to throw up. I have a loud fan, it is hard to hear anything and my brother has hearing problems, the other sleeps with music playing.
My biggest fear is that I have a very damaged digestive system. After hearing someone saying her son was found throwing blood it worries me a little. I can't even eat normal food without feeling pain.
Thanks for any help. The attached pic is of the laboratory grade sn, only the technical information.
. I was calm but once there, I got scared I would survive. That I would become paralyzed, bump into something along the way or someone would find suspicious that I was in the pool late at night since there are cameras everywhere.I'm thinking of doing the SN suicide. It seems more peaceful and less risky. Since I don't go out much home I don't have any other option but to buy from online stores and get it delivered to my place. I have no idea where I can buy it here and if it is going to be pure.
I found two options, both from a trusted site and good reputation sellers:
1-Laboratory grade, 500g. It's powder, comes in a bottle. National brand. The attested purity is 97,5%. The seller told me it comes well packaged and in a shipping box. The seller is using a real pic of the product in the ad taken by himself. I included the technical aspects in a pic annexed without showing much to not cause problems. I hope it is ok since I saw other topics doing it. And I couldn't find anything in the rules against it.
2-Food grade, 1 kg. It's powder and comes in a bag. Imported brand, not sure if I'm allowed to say the name here so I'll refrain for now. 99,5% purity. The seller guarantees it is pure and a yellowish colour powder. He added in the selling ad a pic of a Sodium Nitrate package but he keeps saying the pic is wrong and they need to change for everyone who asks. That it is Sodium Nitrite (NaNo2). He has a separate ad for Sodium Nitrate itself with the same pic and different price.
I asked if he would box my package and he just answered that it is sent by the shipping company. I didn't want to push any further to not look suspicious.
The problem with the second one is that I fear my brother will find out if it doesn't come packaged and shipping companies in my country usually don't have a good real-time tracking system, unlike the national shipping service. My brother could be the one who ends up getting it. And he knows I'm suicidal. Especially if it comes loose without a package.
Will the laboratory grade be harder to swallow or more painful? What do you guys think is best to buy? I'm paying on Monday, should reach here the week after the next.
Ingredients I will be using:
Sodium Nitrite: 50mg, 25mg dissolved in two cups of 50ml water each.
Antiemetic: Metoclopramide (Primperan) 30mg
Antacid: Tagamet (Cimetidine) 800mg
Pain killers: Paracetamol 750mg x2
Sedatives: Xanax (Alprazolam). Unsure of how much yet.
Beta-Blockers:
Considering taking one. More information in the process.
Disposable plastic cups, straws, and a warning letter for the safety of my brothers, stating that is poison. A bowl to throw up in case I vomit. A bottle of water if I happen to throw up too much. Also considering something just to take the salty taste from my mouth but not sure what yet.
Plan:
Fasting for at least 3 days ahead. I will start once it is shipped.
I will do everything in one day:
Sodium Nitrite: 25mg in 50ml of plain water. And an extra cup with an additional 25mg for precaution.
Primperan: 30 mg, 45 minutes before taking my sn.
Cimetidine: 800 mg, half an hour before my sn.
Paracetamol: 1500 mg, half an hour before my sn.
Xanax: Not sure how much to take. I take 4 mg daily. I'll take my normal doses and thinking of taking more 3/4 mg one by one, starting 1 hour before taking the sn.
Beta-Blockers: I'm considering taking it to help. It is supposed to be only sold with prescription but is possible to buy in some drug stores. I had seen plenty of people doing it normally. Can someone help me with dosage and time before taking the SN?
Cheap beta blockers I found here:
Propanol
Atenolol (Is it a possible alternative if propanol needs a prescription?)
More options names are appreciated so I can find something that can help and is sold without prescription. Some are too expensive. My brother takes one but his one is pricey. I was thinking of taking one from him but chances are he is going to notice and it might hinder my suicide attempt since he takes it before sleeping. He doesn't use a prescription to buy.
The final act:
I'm thinking of taking the sn at 16:00 AM. No one wakes up until 9:00 AM the next day and it is rare that someone calls me and if they do they tend to ignore me if they think I'm sleeping. I only have a bed in my room but I will be reclining on the wall using pillows. I'll have a bowl ready to throw up. I have a loud fan, it is hard to hear anything and my brother has hearing problems, the other sleeps with music playing.
My biggest fear is that I have a very damaged digestive system. After hearing someone saying her son was found throwing blood it worries me a little. I can't even eat normal food without feeling pain.
Thanks for any help. The attached pic is of the laboratory grade sn, only the technical information.
