I don't want to suffer

[reaching_zer0]

I'm planning to ctb soon, but i'm so afraid of suffering.
My two first choices are SN and jumping, but i am not sure that i will be able to force myself to jump. When i look into the void it feels like my entire body is so heavy that i'm barely breathing and i can't even move.
About SN, i'm just not sure, i thought it would be a peaceful way to end it all, but the more i read about it, the more it scares me. Maybe i didn't understand well, aren't you supposed to be unconscious if you take some sleeping pill before u drink the stuff? You shouldn't feel the lack of oxygen if you're in a deep sleep right?
Before all of this, i always thought that i'll die with painkillers, so i tried tramadol with a bunch of others stuff, and every time i tried it just didn't work, even when i didn't vomit, i just woke up and everything was worse. So i thought about stronger painkillers, but they are way harder to found or maybe i'm just bad finding them, it's a shame because when i went unconscious with tramadol etc it was so peaceful and without pain, even without remorse, just a happy ending. I think this is probably the perfect death , i don't know.
I'm sorry if this post is a mess, i'm very tired and wanted to share the most i can, i'll probably go to sleep right after.
Anyway, if you have an idea about a peaceful death, without pain, don't hesitate to answer or pm me.
In any case, thank you if you read this.
Good night to all of you, i wish you the best.

 

[fedupwithlife]

Good night

 

[esthe]

I wish I could give you some useful advice, but I'm not that well-informed so I can just say that I understand how you feel, and it's hard. Suffering scares me too, and is one of the reasons why I failed my first attempt to ctb. If it can comfort you though, and I hope it does, you're not alone in this: in here, even though the distance, we all share our more or less painful journey through it all, so feel free to ask for help, vent, tell whatever's on your mind. It won't solve everything but hopefully help even just a little. I hope you'll find peace soon.

 

[thebookofdisquiet]

Anyway, if you have an idea about a peaceful death, without pain, don't hesitate to answer or pm me.

Inert gas. You need to learn and plan + money and solitude, but I can't think of anything more peaceful, you'll be unconscious after a few breaths, no pain or choking.

Exit bag and inert gas megathread

Exit Bag and Inert Gas Basics —A very, very long post, I know, but I feel like I've fielded a lot of questions about this, so I figured I'd spell out everything I know. Others on the forum should please add to this thread whatever reliable technical information they feel is appropriate for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of everything, none of us should have to suffer in the process of dying in the first place, it's so cruel how we cannot just easily leave in peace. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[reaching_zer0]

Inert gas. You need to learn and plan + money and solitude, but I can't think of anything more peaceful, you'll be unconscious after a few breaths, no pain or choking.

Exit bag and inert gas megathread

Exit Bag and Inert Gas Basics —A very, very long post, I know, but I feel like I've fielded a lot of questions about this, so I figured I'd spell out everything I know. Others on the forum should please add to this thread whatever reliable technical information they feel is appropriate for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thanks! I'll definitely check this.

I wish I could give you some useful advice, but I'm not that well-informed so I can just say that I understand how you feel, and it's hard. Suffering scares me too, and is one of the reasons why I failed my first attempt to ctb. If it can comfort you though, and I hope it does, you're not alone in this: in here, even though the distance, we all share our more or less painful journey through it all, so feel free to ask for help, vent, tell whatever's on your mind. It won't solve everything but hopefully help even just a little. I hope you'll find peace soon.

Yes, sharing/reading with all of you helps me a lot tbh. Thank you for your message, made me feel a bit better.
I hope you will too.

I understand feeling so tired of everything, none of us should have to suffer in the process of dying in the first place, it's so cruel how we cannot just easily leave in peace. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

Yep, this really sucks and i hope someday things will be easier for people like us.
I wish you the best too!