I don't want to get better

[calvocalvin]

Idk if ppl say this a lot but yeah for years it's just been a downward spiral, stuck in a hole I don't want to leave. I am planning to ctb before the end of the year.

 

[istherehope]

I understand. It is hard to consciously want to get better when the things you want seem out of reach anyway.

 

[unluckysadness]

same for me. stuck in a hole too. and isolated since years because disability. if i get better, it will be more cruel because i know i'll get worse then. always been like this. only a miracle could save me, but more chance to win at the lottery... even if i win, i'll give all the money for the poor people and animals. have you chosen a method ? i'm hesitating between SN and jumping but i have huge fear of altitude so SN will be my choice i think. before end of the year too. maybe september

 

[TAW122]

Most of the time I feel this way and very few things in sentience keep me going, even then it's only for a while because ultimately I still want to CTB on my own terms. I'm just biding my time until the circumstances and what not are right then once that happens, I will go.

 

[calvocalvin]

same for me. stuck in a hole too. and isolated since years because disability. if i get better, it will be more cruel because i know i'll get worse then. always been like this. only a miracle could save me, but more chance to win at the lottery... even if i win, i'll give all the money for the poor people and animals. have you chosen a method ? i'm hesitating between SN and jumping but i have huge fear of altitude so SN will be my choice i think. before end of the year too. maybe september

I really empathise with you, I was considering sn but after seeing some vids of ppl doing it, it seemed too much for me, I'm prob gonna get my granddad's shotgun. Would be hard tho bc Australias strict gun laws

I understand. It is hard to consciously want to get better when the things you want seem out of reach anyway.

It's also like why would I want to get better if there's nothing to strive for. You know, no motivation, no future, nothing. If I get better, the punches will only hurt more when they come so why not just make yourself worse. It's easier.