Venting I don't want to care anymore..

[MindFog]

It just feels so painful. I feel everything around me is rotting, and I had to stop it. I'm so anxious when I see the people I love destroy their bodies from their addiction and means of escape. I 'm so helpless. Why do I have to hide their cigarrette stashes, force them to go to the hospital and always remind them to be good to theirselves. I don't want them to die. I love them, but it hurts that I spent my life worrying and worrying and being so inept.

And now look at me. I'm a fucking mess. I promised I'd be better, that I'll help them when I grow up. I can't even just make them feel proud. I'm bringing everyone pain now. They're getting older now, and I can't even lend a hand. I'm so fucking useless.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry to hear that. You can always talk to us about anything you need.
We'll do our best to help you.

Wish you the best and hope things get better soon.

 

[justsad&done]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Worrying about your family and caring about them is a good thing and shows what a kind person you are. Hugs

 

[RepressedMind]

You can't help others if you can't help yourself first. Take the time and distance yourself from your worries of others and try to get well.

 

[MindFog]

Worrying about your family and caring about them is a good thing and shows what a kind person you are.

I really do hope that's enough, but I'm around people who dont want to help themselves and It's damaging me as well. How can you tell a person that? You're hurting me cause you're hurting yourself? I'm sorry, I just feel bad. Thank you for replying.

 

[justsad&done]

I really do hope that's enough, but I'm around people who dont want to help themselves and It's damaging me as well. How can you tell a person that? You're hurting me cause you're hurting yourself? I'm sorry, I just feel bad. Thank you for replying.

There is definitely a level of frustration when you care about someone and want to help them, but they won't help themselves. It's stressful and causes added worry. I'm sorry you feel so badly about everything. I think you get to a point when you know you've tried and they know you are supportive, but then you have to accept things as they are and try to keep your mind off things or people you can't control - which is easier said than done.

 

[stygal]

I'm so sorry you're put into this position to be the "caretaker" of those in your family who can't help themselves.
Nobody should be have this much of a burden to carry all alone on their shoulders.
Have you got other relatives or friends to help you with certain tasks?
Can you implement more time for yourself where you do activities that bring you joy without those relatives involved to forget about them a bit?

In the end the best thing for your mental stability would be detachment...but I understand that you love them and it might not be possible.

Lots of hugs

 

[MindFog]

Can you implement more time for yourself where you do activities that bring you joy without those relatives involved to forget about them a bit?

The pandemic affected my personal space terribly. I'm closely living with them now, unlike before when they usually go out and I'm left alone here. I could leave but.. With my plans to ctb, it's better to be close. I just didn't expect it to be this hard.