Venting I don't wanna do anything in this life, all I want to do is die.

[ConfusedHurting2632]

I'm 20 years old, turning 21 on the 20th of this month, living with my parents, with a high school diploma but no driver's license or job, and I have no plans of going to college either. I graduated high school at age 18 the year 2020, and have basically done nothing since because all I want to do is die. I don't want a driver's license, I don't want a job, I don't wanna go to college or trade school, I just wanna die.

Most days I just lay in bed all day staring at the walls because that's all I know how to do. No TV shows or movies or songs or video games even bring me pleasure anymore, so I don't bother because it's the equivalent of just staring at the walls for me anyway.

The reason I wanna die is I just simply don't see this as a world worth living in. I've also tried therapy and medication before, but unfortunately neither really helped, and the medication only introduced new issues and side effects while not getting rid of depression.

 

[keitaro]

this is so relatable. everything feels pointless, and existence can be cruel.

 

[eternalflame]

How is your family reacting?

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

this is so relatable. everything feels pointless, and existence can be cruel.

I'm glad someone can relate to my post. Everything DOES feel pointless, and existence IS cruel. Basically how it is, unfortunately.

 

[Againstthewind]

I've felt the same, I think you can relate that no one cares even if you tell them? or that they claim you are being silly? Sometimes living day to day can be cruel. Wishing you peace.

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

How is your family reacting?

My parents seem relatively nonchalant about the whole thing. Like they care about me, but if I'm going to be unmotivated in bed all day there's not much they can do about it. They have helped with getting me therapy and medication before, but unfortunately it didn't really work.

I've felt the same, I think you can relate that no one cares even if you tell them? or that they claim you are being silly? Sometimes living day to day can be cruel. Wishing you peace.

Honestly I don't really have anyone to tell in the first place, since I basically have no friends these days. But yeah, I definitely get the feeling that no one cares anyway. As for my parents, they are simply nonchalant about it...they at least helped getting me therapy and medication before, but it didn't help much. Thanks for wishing me peace. I wish you peace too.

 

[lessonlearned]

i can relate to this. i havent done anything since graduating i feel no pleasure from anything

 

[Againstthewind]

Thank you, if you ever feel sometimes that you cant tell anyone what's going on or they don't understand, don't feel like you're trapped, just know there are others out there that are experiencing the same thing you are and having the same battles too. You're just finding yourself and strength at the moment.

 

[Harasaki]

I'm 23, in the same situation, a total neet, but in my case I really wish I could be a productive member of society but I'm too dumb and lazy to achieve anything. So the shame is so big that I think dying is my only option

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

i can relate to this. i havent done anything since graduating i feel no pleasure from anything

I'm glad another person can relate to my post. It really sucks doesn't it? To feel no pleasure from anything. Depression is a bitch. I've tried therapy and medication, but unfortunately it's a not so simple solution, and the medications specifically had terrible side effects.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand. I also want nothing to do with living at all. To me non existence will always be preferable to any kind of life. Life is just endless struggle and misery all for the sake of it and I see no point to suffering when I could be peacefully not existing instead. Best wishes.

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

Thank you, if you ever feel sometimes that you cant tell anyone what's going on or they don't understand, don't feel like you're trapped, just know there are others out there that are experiencing the same thing you are and having the same battles too. You're just finding yourself and strength at the moment.

No problem! And alright, I won't feel like I'm trapped, and will keep in mind that there are many others out there experiencing the same thing I am and having the same battles...which definitely makes it feel less lonely, heh. So thank you for that. And yes, it's hard to find myself and strength at the same time.

 

[Againstthewind]

What is it you wanna do? Occupation wise?

 

[ConfusedHurting2632]

I'm 23, in the same situation, a total neet, but in my case I really wish I could be a productive member of society but I'm too dumb and lazy to achieve anything. So the shame is so big that I think dying is my only option

At 23, if I make it that far, I could easily see myself being the same person I am today, since I basically make no effort for change. I'm sorry to hear that you actually do want to be a productive member of society, but just feel too dumb and too lazy to achieve anything. That sounds like a horrible situation to deal with. Not to mention the enormous shame you feel. I wish I could say something more, but I just hope your situation improves so you don't have to suffer anymore.

I'm also dumb and lazy, and don't know what advice to give, since I also struggle with that.

I understand. I also want nothing to do with living at all. To me non existence will always be preferable to any kind of life. Life is just endless struggle and misery all for the sake of it and I see no point to suffering when I could be peacefully not existing instead. Best wishes.

Wow, this has to be one of the most relatable comments I've ever read in general. Yes, just non-existence seems so much more preferable than any kind of life. Endless struggle and misery seems about right. To peacefully not exist would be much better. Thanks for the best wishes. Best wishes to you too!

What is it you wanna do? Occupation wise?

Honestly I don't want ANY occupation since all I want to die is die anyway. If I absolutely HAD to pick one though...I guess I'd choose something in the area of therapy or psychology, since I deal with depression and working in such a field could help me understand my own self better.

 

[Againstthewind]

I can tell you from experience I did the same thing, have problems, studied being on the other side of that Psychology, Counselling etc, and I can tell you a few things. It does help you to understand yourself a bit better but only a little bit, in terms of why our brains do the things that they do. However I still think Mental Health services, Psychologists etc, are still fucked.
They have this idea on how Psychology should be conducted based upon what practitioners said 100 years ago which is still horseshit because it doesn't fit to todays standard, but just like anything, when it is risen up as the holy grail of all to save people, no one will question it, right?

However, I think from watching it, MH services use a little bit of a scare technique to try and make you afraid of seeking there help in hope your thoughts are plain and it will scare you off from feeling suicidal because you are 'seeking attention' etc. But what do you expect from people who dont know how to FEEL and study something for a few years, they try to make things make sense, BUT WE DONT MAKE SENSE. THATS THE POINT. So nothing should make sense because we think and behave in weird ways, that's why they medicate us up and why so much of the population are on medication because they dont know what to do. (Sound like a conspiracy nut)

For those that say 'oh well they know better then you do, you are the crazy one, they spend yeaaaaaars perfecting there craft', y'know ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) still goes on today? For those who don't know, they wire you up and shock your brain when you have these negative thoughts in hopes it will go away. HELLO!? Psychologist to Psycho.

 

[london3]

At 23, if I make it that far, I could easily see myself being the same person I am today, since I basically make no effort for change. I'm sorry to hear that you actually do want to be a productive member of society, but just feel too dumb and too lazy to achieve anything. That sounds like a horrible situation to deal with. Not to mention the enormous shame you feel. I wish I could say something more, but I just hope your situation improves so you don't have to suffer anymore.

I'm also dumb and lazy, and don't know what advice to give, since I also struggle with that.

Wow, this has to be one of the most relatable comments I've ever read in general. Yes, just non-existence seems so much more preferable than any kind of life. Endless struggle and misery seems about right. To peacefully not exist would be much better. Thanks for the best wishes. Best wishes to you too!

Honestly I don't want ANY occupation since all I want to die is die anyway. If I absolutely HAD to pick one though...I guess I'd choose something in the area of therapy or psychology, since I deal with depression and working in such a field could help me understand my own self better.

You are still young at 20 so still have time to make a change in your life. Maybe you can move out to another city etc? Or change jobs or do voluntary work? Find a new circle of people to hang out with, or even live abroad and do a new course? Find a girlfriend etc?

I would urge you to try and do something different to see if it shock your system and your whole outlook on life.

If you are still depressed and wanting to kill yourself i would say please think about this deeply, spend time talking with others on this forum to explore your true feelings and how serious you are.

Whatever you decide i hope you find peace on your journey.