I don't understand relationships and why people would ctb over them

[banger12]

How long ago did the internet relationship happen? Was this when the internet was still fairly new?

This was like late-2019 to like early 2020. Not at all new. Just embarrassing. Why do you ask?

 

[Valhala]

It would be heaven on earth if a reunion could happen. Every single moment to be treasured, and never ever letting go again. It would be like two souls being meshed together again, but different this time. Without letting any possibility of any kind of misunderstanding ever happen again. Only acting and responding in love, nothing else, no explanations needed, simple understanding and nothing but continuous precious moments. A simple life of being together in peace for the rest of days. Not looking back ever again, just living in the gift of the present.

Do you feel guilty in considering to ctb, leaving her behind in this world? Knowing that if you ctb it would break her heart? I would only do that when I know for sure there is no option left for me, in that I see no way forward whatsoever. I know it would break him to pieces, but if I simply cannot continue with the reality of life, I will have to. The only hope left then, that we may meet again somehow in a life after this one.

I'm truly sorry that it has come to this for you.

It's such an ambivalent question. On the one hand, I would like her to know that I'm doing this because my life without her is absolutely meaningless, and to finally understand that I really and immensely love her (which she doesn't believe). On the other hand, if I CTB her could also interpret it as my "surrender" and my final escape from her, as I still did not love her enough to fight for her. For this reason, I am still not sure how to act, that is, until all the options for our eventual reconciliation and reunion. I might even do it somewhere far away, on the other side of the world, having previously destroyed my personal documents and thus simply "disappeared". It's been a year since I've been with her and the desire for her and the pain without her is all larger and does not decrease over time.

 

[Kibby]

its simple, your hormones are insane when u like someone so when its over it feels like ur life is over + think of a close friend leaving u with extra insane schizo drama + web of friends drama spreading hate etc. its much more common with relationships than friendships cos thats the nature of it its more toxic and volatile. well I cant rly comment cos i dont have experience but its just what ive seen heard and read.

 

[conflagration]

I was the one who tried to CTB twice when my first relationship ended.
When you have not been loved as a child you will do EVERYTHING to experience this love as an adult. When a loving relationship ends it feels like half of you has died so you might be dead as well.

 

[Miss_Anthropy]

You aren't lonely enough.

 

[Kyotospade]

The simple answer is the emotions , the feelings you get with someone .

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

It's such an ambivalent question. On the one hand, I would like her to know that I'm doing this because my life without her is absolutely meaningless, and to finally understand that I really and immensely love her (which she doesn't believe). On the other hand, if I CTB her could also interpret it as my "surrender" and my final escape from her, as I still did not love her enough to fight for her. For this reason, I am still not sure how to act, that is, until all the options for our eventual reconciliation and reunion. I might even do it somewhere far away, on the other side of the world, having previously destroyed my personal documents and thus simply "disappeared". It's been a year since I've been with her and the desire for her and the pain without her is all larger and does not decrease over time.

It is a difficult one, yes. If I go it would be because I can't support myself financially due to our stupidity in leaving in the first place. I do still believe in us, but his situation will take time for us to be together. Such madness when people simply want to be together but can't. All the best to you. I'm here if you want to chat

 

[Valhala]

It is a difficult one, yes. If I go it would be because I can't support myself financially due to our stupidity in leaving in the first place. I do still believe in us, but his situation will take time for us to be together. Such madness when people simply want to be together but can't. All the best to you. I'm here if you want to chat

I understand you completely. Sometimes I feel like I should pay for my mistakes, like my CTB should be my punishment. I am aware of the intensity of attraction and chemistry that existed and still exists between us, I am aware that between us it's not over no matter how much she blocks all possible contact now. She prevents all contact for this very reason because she herself is aware that contact between us would result in our togetherness again because the attraction and compatibility is too great. And she doesn't trust me that I really love her and she assumes that after some time I would leave her again. Distrust in me and disappointment generate anger that gives her the strength to persist in blocking our contact and communication. There is no way for me to approach her and talk to her, even if I try explain some things, honestly. That's actually what hurts me the most, but I understand her, I guess that's some proof that I really love her. This is a terrible agony, a stalemate from which I can't see a way out. Without her, there's nothing in my life anymore sense, to forget it and stop I can't love her, and all access to her is impossible. Sometimes I think that any contact between us would be enough even if we weren't together, I miss our, so special conversations and the exchange of energy between us. I miss her voice, her words and her thoughts, I even miss her anger and her reproaches, the way she gets angry and the way she laughs, everything related to her, both the good and the bad, everything...

 

[divinemistress36]

its simple, your hormones are insane when u like someone so when its over it feels like ur life is over + think of a close friend leaving u with extra insane schizo drama + web of friends drama spreading hate etc. its much more common with relationships than friendships cos thats the nature of it its more toxic and volatile. well I cant rly comment cos i dont have experience but its just what ive seen heard and read.

Oxytocin

 

[Valhala]

Oxytocin

And phenylethylamine

 

[Kibby]

Yes. Crazy how some hormones can cause so much grief

Oxytocin

 

[Reflection]

I'll be honest I also find it a bit weird that some people will want to ctb JUST because of a romantic relationship and nothing else

I never understood it until it was my turn, in fact I found it ludicrous to want to end your life because if that reason, but now the joke's on me lol.

Seriously though, for me it has been 1 year and four months since she left, I can cope with her absence to an extent even though it's hard, I also can still enjoy other aspects of life. But what happens once she finds someone to live her life with? For me that's the real torture, and it hasn't even begun yet. It also hits harder because we were each other's firsts, it's like you have this beautiful thing in your heart that's being mercilessly defiled and all you can do is sit down and watch.