Venting I don't think it'll "get better"

[assortedfruits1242]

I was diagnosed with depression 10 years ago when I told my mom I wanted to die. 10 years later, I still want to die. So many people preach "it'll get better!" but maybe that's only for some people. I briefly felt okay with maybe the slight glimmer of a future with my fiance but things have gone south and I just don't see anything left. If this is going to be the cycle of my life for the next 50 years why bother yk? I'm organizing for someone to take care of my birds, but once I'm done that there's not much more left to do. I have no assets. I promised I'd watch my siblings tomorrow for my mother, but I think after that I'll pop by the tracks by their house and hop on the next train if you know what I mean. I've already typed and scheduled my letters to the people I love. It's the first sense of peace I've felt in a long time yk? Even if I don't go through with it, having some plan and intent just makes me feel okay, and in some weird way as if I got the final kick to my mental illnesses

 

[heyitstaylorig]

I get what you mean darling. Sometimes things don't get better. And sometimes they do. I hope you find peace some way or another. You deserve more than then life has given you. I wish i could help you but I can't. Do whatever feels right for you okay? Reach out if you feel the need, or don't. Do what makes you feel most comfy. Lots of love, darling. <3