Venting I don't think I'll ever handle life.

[stride]

I'm so sick of being alive. I'm autistic and and sensitive to sound. I'm a college student and find campus particularly unbearable. My mental health took a nosedive after going back to school. I feel like dropping out and never setting foot on a school ever again. Even normal noises at home are horrible to me.

I'm so tired of faking being ok when I'm internally losing it. I don't think I can ever handle the social responsibilities of life. This weekend I'm completely falling apart mentally and I can't do anything without panicking and feeling dizzy. I can't remember the last time I slept well.


I have a strong urge to CTB by train but I'm afraid of the unlikely event that I survive.

 

[_Vasa&Me_]

Hey,

While I cannot experience what you are going through, I can clearly tell it is very traumatic and painful for you, all of which are very real and valid emotions. You aren't "crazy" or "wrong" for feeling this way and deserve the right to speak what you yourself experience, unfiltered.

I might just be another person on the internet, away, unreachable, but I do hear you and wish, as a fellow post-secondary student, to genuinely give you a REAL hug, buy you some noise-cancelling headphones and just sit in silence, appreciating the moment we have together.

I hope you find peace and a solution to your struggles, whatever it might be, and whatever path you might take.

 

[Weird username]

Noise cancelling headphones

 

[stride]

I'm grateful that I have noise-cancelling earbuds.

 

[HangMan123]

Sorry for being ignorant, but what does noise sensitivity feel like (if you don't mind explaining).

 

[Slark]

I also have autism and I know the difficulties that come with it. I'm sorry you're having trouble at your university and I hope you can overcome it. I understand your pain.

 

[stride]

Sorry for being ignorant, but what does noise sensitivity feel like (if you don't mind explaining).

For me it feels like several people were shrunk down to the size of ant man and tasked with slamming hammers on my ear canal. Then if it keeps going on, my mind progressively shuts down and it becomes harder to think and do things.

When I was younger, I had meltdowns quickly when I would get overwhelmed but now instead I mask this and it's turned into the progressive shut down leading to burnout.

 

[HangMan123]

For me it feels like several people were shrunk down to the size of ant man and tasked with slamming hammers on my ear canal. Then if it keeps going on, my mind progressively shuts down and it becomes harder to think and do things.

When I was younger, I had meltdowns quickly when I would get overwhelmed but now instead I mask this and it's turned into the progressive shut down leading to burnout.

Oh wow. That sounds awful. I have misophonia and just people chewing makes me angry . I could never do what you're doing—you're super strong.
I hope everything turns out well for you!