Im desperate for stability but my life gets upended every time I'm just about getting used to it. I want to be given a role that I can live comfortably in and know it's never going to change (like a medieval monk)
Stability is absolutely necessary to both survive and somewhat enjoy this human life. My husband and I started dating at age 19, married at 21. We became adults together. We both worked at the same school as teachers for 10 years, until he was murdered in 2022.
Life was really good for me because of the stability, the fact that I knew my place as a wife, a soon-to-be-mother, and a teacher who had a lifetime contract as long as we never violated any personal conduct policies. All I had to do is love him, which was so very easy and fun to do because he was wonderful; and everything else would work itself out. Then all that came to an end. So I have to CTB. There's no possible way for me to build that life with someone else.
You should be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I'm ready to leave this world. I do not want to be here and cannot be here anymore." If you cannot confidently do that, then you are not ready. It just sounds like you're in that fast-paced confused state of late teens/early 20s, and doing it alone.
