Venting I don’t sleep well at all anymore

[melancholymallory03]

I'm beyond fatigued. Not just the kind of fatigue that comes from being sleep deprived, it's more than that. But the lack of sleep is not helping. I can't remember the last time I slept through the night without waking up at least a few times. And the amount of times I wake up, as well as how long I'm up for before I fall back asleep, just continue to increase. I'm so so so tired. But sedatives and sleep aids don't work on me and never have. I don't know what to do. I could take a triple dose of benadryl and still only sleep for a few hours.

What is keeping you awake ?
Or who?

 

[willitpass]

I always thought sleep was a key indicator of neurodiverse brain chemistry. Yours is a very interesting case to hear. Do you have times where the sleep gets disrupted maybe you get less sleep or sometimes more? Do you feel low, drowsy when you are awake during the day with difficulty to focus, lack of interest in things? What are the symptoms you have that makes you think you have depression?

Sleep problems can be caused by practically anything. Stress, mental health, life changes, unfamiliar environment, diet, physical health conditions, etc. Anything can cause sleep disruptions. For it to be related to neurodiversity one would expect that the sleep issues would be very present from early on in life and accompanied by other early life signs of neurodiversity.

What is keeping you awake ?
Or who?

Nothing. That's what's so frustrating.

 

[Endisclose]

For it to be related to neurodiversity one would expect that the sleep issues would be very present from early on in life and accompanied by other early life signs of neurodiversity.

Yes. That's what I meant. I remember feeling drowsy on my first day in school. I thought I hadn't slept well just the previous night, but it kept staying that way for much longer. I had trouble following what the teacher was saying and my mind used to keep wandering. Those fundamental issues were always there.

 

[Mersault]

Do you have times where the sleep gets disrupted maybe you get less sleep or sometimes more?

Not often, but sometimes I sleep too little, or too much, but it's really rare.

lack of interest in things?

Like in what way? You mean like a hobby? Yes, I might be experiencing a lack of interest in my old hobbies, but I'm trying to find my interest in other things, I'm trying my best to keep myself sane in this sick fuck life.

What are the symptoms you have that makes you think you have depression?

Do you think that having suicidal thoughts and actively attempting to do so can be called depression?

I don't know. Basically self-diagnosed, to think it doesn't matter whether I'm depressed or not. The important thing is, here I am now, seeking information about partial hanging with anesthetic to attempt it soon.

 

[Endisclose]

Not often, but sometimes I sleep too little, or too much, but it's really rare.

If it's rare and you get about 6 to 8 hrs pretty regularly, I suspect whatever underlying mental illness may be mild and possibly treatable.. I remember another person having adhd telling me they didn't have any issues with sleep so I suppose it may be possible that not all people who have neurodiverse brains have issues with sleep while the reverse may be true. Also it is my understanding that Adhd is much more easily treatable than an issue like say bipolar which I have.

Like in what way? You mean like a hobby? Yes, I might be experiencing a lack of interest in my old hobbies, but I'm trying to find my interest in other things, I'm trying my best to keep myself sane in this sick fuck life.

Its more like anhedonia, a lack of interest in things one was previously very interested in. Like in my bipolar, the depression phase is the dominant part I'd say about 80% of the time. And it really pulls me down. I feel so fatigued I have to lie down. I can't even open my eyes although I'd want to maybe see a film or read a book. So I just wait till it passes. It may get better in 20 mins or an hour. I might sleep for a couple of hours and then get better.

Sometimes for days on end I can't do anything. I just keep flitting between things. I can't do anything for more than 5 mins. I love art cinema and music, but I can't even contemplate watching or listening for even 5 mins and so I spend my time watching random videos on YouTube to make the time pass.

I think one other indicator is how functional one is - professionally, socially so on.. I am a complete zero on all fronts there. If one has moderate functionality the condition may be treatable. I've heard both good and bad things about SSRIs, but from what I hear they aren't advisable above 6 months.

I think sunlight would be great for unipolar depression. With bipolar, it can send me into mania, which is a sign that it works. So maybe people with depression have a natural option there. Also I've heard good reviews about CBD oil. There are some nootropics like St John's wort, 5htp, Rhodiola rosea that can help elevate mood as well. Maybe you can do some research and look into it. You might find them helpful.

St. John's wort especially can give a high, but is dangerous for people with Bipolar disorder as it can cause mania as is rhodiola rosea so it's better avoided with bipolar. There are some other options with nootropics for people with unipolar depression compared to bipolar folks. Maybe you can look it up..

Do you think that having suicidal thoughts and actively attempting to do so can be called depression?

I am sorry that life has put you in this situation. I suppose that alone isn't necessarily an indicator of being in depression as people having financial problems commit suicide as well. But I gather this may be because your life was going nowhere for quite sometime.

With depression or any other mental illness there is a change in brain neuro chemistry that brings certain cognitive deficits with it in parameters like attention, short term memory, processing speed, emotional dysregulation etc.. This makes learning a challenging task and makes it difficult for people to acquire skills and work with others, work under deadlines, deal with stress etc.. Mental illness affects one's capacity to deal with stress. The greater the stress the worse off the symptoms.

The psychiatric medicines, nootropics above can only address mood while there is nothing much to address the deficits as far as I know. The only hope is with making lifestyle modifications to cut out stress, take nootropics that might help with mood elevation that have a less damaging effect on the body, take Cognitive behaviour therapy which helps regulate emotions through mediation by the brain and by increasing awareness through mindfulness meditation. This could possibly work and if it doesn't, the alternatives are not much worth considering imo.