Discussion I don’t see myself in suicide discussions

[gameovr]

Mid 40s here. I really became suicidal earlier this year after an event that left me with discomfort in several parts of my body. Although I can manage, it's there and I have yet to go back to normal. Not one doctor can figure it out.

In general, I've been successful. Never married. No kids and no family. While I'm alive, I will continue to do my best to live a healthy lifestyle. I don't believe in taking medication, recreational drugs or alcohol. I get good sleep and exercise daily.

However, I'm miserable and if things don't improve in the future then I'll have to decide what's next. I'm not happy. Regardless, as an aside, my personal belief is that we should be able to choose the date of our death instead of waiting until we get sick and suffer like so many do.

I will not discuss specifics for reasons of privacy but I applied for euthanasia and have been given the green light and so I have that as an option. Once you are told "ok" it's still a very, very difficult decision. I will continue to try and get better for now but I'm not sure what the future will hold.

I talk openly to a therapist about my plans of suicide (assisted). I'm also discussing it in a rational manner in terms like: "if I don't eventually get better even after having given it my best efforts, my quality of life would not be the same so these are my options and one of them includes leaving the party early." My therapist even told me that I'm not suffering from any psych disorder and that I'm just simply trying to weigh my best future options.

 

[Doombox]

At the moment, I'm resigned to living, albeit miserably. I get some satisfaction out of work, which is why I tell my wife I have no intention of ever retiring. As for therapy, ironically, although my health coverage is generally good, it's mental health coverage isn't great. So what little money we have in the plan we're using for therapy for our daughter. I could get a referral to a psychiatrist, which would be covered by the government (Canada), but this would involve going to my GP, who is pretty worthless. And I certainly couldn't tell him I was suicidal. Probably not even depressed. So I'm stuck at the moment.

It is heartening to see so many responses from across the age range, although that there are this many people who can identify and sympathize is terrifying. Thank you for your well wishes. It's a relief to actually have a place to say this. Other than crying aloud at night, I've never said any of this out loud, to anyone.

You've found your tribe. You can pretty much say anything here and get support for it. Notice also there are other sections of the board where people might be discussing things that help them get through the day.

 

[absurd_to_the_end]

Another older person here. I understand what you're saying about the site skewing young, and it's part of the reason why I tend to come and go here. But I do always come back, because there are threads that I can identify with, and there are people that are like me whether its age or circumstance. It's just hard to find sometimes.

I'm similar in some ways - not ready to go quite yet, holding down a job, not talking to anyone about what I'm feeling. I feel like I'm just muddling through until I make a decision or something changes. I realize for something to change I need to actively do something, but that's not so easy.

Good luck, and I hope to see you around the forums.