Venting I don’t relate to other people

[FuneralCry]

I don't as I'd never wish to exist under any circumstances, instead I just wish for nothingness. Some ignorant people say things like suicidal people don't really want to die but that's just insulting, I'd always prefer non-existence, only the peace of an dreamless, eternal sleep is desirable to me. I want nothing to do with existing, having the ability to exist is an abomination, it's a terrible tragedy how life even exists at all, I don't relate to anyone who believes otherwise about existence.

Many humans just seem to lack any awareness to me as they have life valuing, anti-suicide beliefs and the fact that so many think in such a way make me want to not exist even more, I don't belong here, rather I only belong in death, I'm not meant for something as hellish and futile as existing.

For me wanting suicide is all that makes sense it's not something to "recover" from, I just want to be unaware for all eternity, I hope I sleep, I don't understand why anyone would want to exist, existing is just meaningless suffering with no limit as to how much one can suffer all while one is destined for nothing but to decay and die anyway.

 

[DoubleUp8]

I think way more consider suicide than will admit to it. Partly due to stigma and fear of psych ward commitment and so on. Some because their religion tells them it's a sin. I identify as Catholic and this has been an issue for me as I got a lot of ingrained religion growing up. Between that and SI it's a large obstacle to hurdle. I sometimes think I should just impulsively do it without thinking about it at all. Because I stop to think about it and invariably don't go through with it. Not because of fear but some maybe misplaced guilt and I think about my sister having talk with me about what happens to your soul in the afterlife should you commit suicide. And I think: what if that's right or was my dad ( the atheist but don't tell nobody) right and there is no afterlife whatsoever. I honestly believe that dying by hunger strike is the best option. Supposed to have absolute right to, but not everyone understands that. But if the cause you die for is moral and just it should be like getting your boarding pass to heaven. More honorable than suicide and some may even say heroic. I have begun many a hunger strike but have obviously yet to take one the distance. Now I try once again. I hope I can get to the end with this one. I don't want to be Sharmila. Woman in India with the all time record for longest hunger strike. 14-16 years. Something like that. I don't remember exactly how long. She ended her hunger strike a few years ago and she is alive today.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

I don't relate to anyone either. I have little common ground with anyone. I have been through too many rare and unusual things and not experienced too many normative and conventional things in a horribly unbalanced ratio for me to feel like anyone but my own species.

Feeling constantly and intractably suicidal for endless years certainly does not help matters especially if you don't have a convincing enough facade to present.