Maybe one could say if someone is caged in a car violence is the only way to save the person. But obviously this is not what I mean.
I hate violence. I am a peaceful person I would say. Maybe my suicide will be violent though also here I prefer peaceful methods. As a child and teenager I was exposed to severe domestic abuse by my mom. At school the kids always hit each other. I always hated that. Maybe I did not defend myself enough. I try to avoid that thought because it is victim blaming. I think due to the abuse at home I was in a bad mental state so that defending myself got more difficult. I was highly anxious about being punished I still am to this day. I am frightened about authority figures. I was scared to be punished by the teachers if I hit people back. It was all very cynical. I try to avoid ruminating about it because it makes me sad.
Yesterday I wrote I consider it an accomplishment that noone can force me anymore to physical education. There are other things I like about being an adult. Side-note: I have to say in my childhood and adolescence all the abuse happened. But I think the mental illness which was caused by it was way worse than the abuse. I might do a separate thread about it and elaborate on it more.
There are clear things which are way better now as an adult. The daily severe desperation and anxiety is rather not part of a positive development.
But I am very glad I escaped the violence. I don't like to hurt other people. I don't like to fight. Maybe in video games but not in real life. I just noticed in video games I can enjoy violence. But for me it is only a game and no real people are involved. If people suffered this would change it completely.
In general I don't like arguments. I can enjoy debates a lot when it is a battle of wits. Sadly I am doing that less with my friends. Maybe because we already debated everything a couple of times. Or maybe because I have become a lefty and now our opinions are too similar. I am glad I live in this century and in my country. I am save from physical violence. At least I am feeling secure. I am probably hypervigilant because of the arbitrary punishment as a child. I think my mind often falsely thinks my life was in danger. For example when I face exams.
Sometimes I try to avoid heated debates in this forum. And I am glad I just don't have to interact with provocative statements. I have no problem to ignore them. But I also like that I can solve issues with words and diplomacy. If I lived in Prussia with its military drill my life would be way worse. At school in history lessons I always thought I had a Prussian education because we were exposed to violence on a daily basis. Now I know which major damage that can cause. I am glad that less people become victim of it. Today in a newsmagazine I read 20% of boys are exposed to violence in my country in their childhood. I am not sure whether to trust that number. I don't think 20 % are systematically abused like me because otherwise more people would become nuts. Though I should not underestimate how common abuse and violence are. There is probably a huge dark figure. Also about sexual assaults.
I am glad I don't live in a society where physical strength decides about your destiny (in most cases). Sadly in some countries this becomes the new reality. I am glad I can use my brain to solve arguments. As a kid no matter how hard I tried to please my parents the violence was a daily routine nevertheless.
I prefer diplomacy over violence. However I also prefer to avoid interactions (in some cases) over diplomacy. Lol.
I hate violence. I am a peaceful person I would say. Maybe my suicide will be violent though also here I prefer peaceful methods. As a child and teenager I was exposed to severe domestic abuse by my mom. At school the kids always hit each other. I always hated that. Maybe I did not defend myself enough. I try to avoid that thought because it is victim blaming. I think due to the abuse at home I was in a bad mental state so that defending myself got more difficult. I was highly anxious about being punished I still am to this day. I am frightened about authority figures. I was scared to be punished by the teachers if I hit people back. It was all very cynical. I try to avoid ruminating about it because it makes me sad.
Yesterday I wrote I consider it an accomplishment that noone can force me anymore to physical education. There are other things I like about being an adult. Side-note: I have to say in my childhood and adolescence all the abuse happened. But I think the mental illness which was caused by it was way worse than the abuse. I might do a separate thread about it and elaborate on it more.
There are clear things which are way better now as an adult. The daily severe desperation and anxiety is rather not part of a positive development.
But I am very glad I escaped the violence. I don't like to hurt other people. I don't like to fight. Maybe in video games but not in real life. I just noticed in video games I can enjoy violence. But for me it is only a game and no real people are involved. If people suffered this would change it completely.
In general I don't like arguments. I can enjoy debates a lot when it is a battle of wits. Sadly I am doing that less with my friends. Maybe because we already debated everything a couple of times. Or maybe because I have become a lefty and now our opinions are too similar. I am glad I live in this century and in my country. I am save from physical violence. At least I am feeling secure. I am probably hypervigilant because of the arbitrary punishment as a child. I think my mind often falsely thinks my life was in danger. For example when I face exams.
Sometimes I try to avoid heated debates in this forum. And I am glad I just don't have to interact with provocative statements. I have no problem to ignore them. But I also like that I can solve issues with words and diplomacy. If I lived in Prussia with its military drill my life would be way worse. At school in history lessons I always thought I had a Prussian education because we were exposed to violence on a daily basis. Now I know which major damage that can cause. I am glad that less people become victim of it. Today in a newsmagazine I read 20% of boys are exposed to violence in my country in their childhood. I am not sure whether to trust that number. I don't think 20 % are systematically abused like me because otherwise more people would become nuts. Though I should not underestimate how common abuse and violence are. There is probably a huge dark figure. Also about sexual assaults.
I am glad I don't live in a society where physical strength decides about your destiny (in most cases). Sadly in some countries this becomes the new reality. I am glad I can use my brain to solve arguments. As a kid no matter how hard I tried to please my parents the violence was a daily routine nevertheless.
I prefer diplomacy over violence. However I also prefer to avoid interactions (in some cases) over diplomacy. Lol.
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