Venting I don't like that with SN my last 20-30 minutes on earth will be rather unpleasant

[jodes2]

It sucks. I hope I can get hold of N some time because I really would rather not suffer with SN. The taste, the headache, the difficulty breathing, it's a horrible combination (although I know there are much worse deaths). Why are we forced to put up with this shit? It's not fair. I don't want to keep suffering until I finally die naturally. All the illnesses and struggles I have yet to go through daunts me. How do normies just keep going in the face of decades of suffering to go? Shit, wtf is their secret?! So, it's a shame that right now SN seems like my best option. FFS. Its scary. It's going to be terrifying. At least I don't plan to CTB for a long time, so I still have a chance of getting N. I can't hurt my gf. Not yet. Not for a long while. Fuck! Gotta put up with all the daily shit that life brings.

 

[well2hell]

The September online edition of the PPeH calls for a large dose of a benzodiazepine when taking SN (oxazepam 600 mg or diazepam 500 mg). The American Clinicians' Academy for Medical Aid in Dying calls for 1 gram of diazepam in their 5 drug mixture (DDMAPh) and their data show that the average time to sleep is under 8 minutes (see the graph on page 4).

It may be that combining diazepam with phenobarbital helps bring sleep on faster than with diazepam alone, but I suppose the benzo should kick in quickly enough that you won't suffer.

 

[jodes2]

The September online edition of the PPeH calls for a large dose of a benzodiazepine when taking SN (oxazepam 600 mg or diazepam 500 mg). The American Clinicians' Academy for Medical Aid in Dying calls for 1 gram of diazepam in their 5 drug mixture (DDMAPh) and their data show that the average time to sleep is under 8 minutes (see the graph on page 4).

It may be that combining diazepam with phenobarbital helps bring sleep on faster than with diazepam alone, but I suppose the benzo should kick in quickly enough that you won't suffer.

Wow. That is a crazy large dose. I don't even have a tenth of that, maybe 50mg of diazepam max! I wonder how much that would help. It's such a tiny fraction of what they recommend! I clearly have more squirrelling away to do! Yikes. Thanks for your response!

 

[toasterbath]

same but i'll gladly take 10-20 minutes of discomfort over a lifetime and decades of suffering and discontentment

 

[jodes2]

same but i'll gladly take 10-20 minutes of discomfort over a lifetime and decades of suffering and discontentment

I agree. But there's something about it being my final moments that really irks me. I want to be able to enjoy dying as weird as that sounds. I want to be well in my final moments. If I feel sick, the urge is going to be to want to get better, but being in the moment with SN, knowing the symptoms will just get progressively worse is hard to accept. I know it's small-minded but I can't help it. In the meantime, I'm facing about thirteen thousand days of misery which should be a lot more significant but it weighs about equal in my mind atm

 

[Amccorm2]

From what I've read (there are some amazing SN experience posts on here), I'd happily take SN over most other methods available.

I was literally sat in the garden last week with an instant CTB method in my hands and mouth and all I had to do was to apply some pressure to a specific area but holy shit was it terrifying. The thought of knowing what I'd look like for whoever found me really put me off it (yea I'm a wimp). At least with SN you're intact.

 

[jodes2]

From what I've read (there are some amazing SN experience posts on here), I'd happily take SN over most other methods available.

I was literally sat in the garden last week with an instant CTB method in my hands and mouth and all I had to do was to apply some pressure to a specific area but holy shit was it terrifying. The thought of knowing what I'd look like for whoever found me really put me off it (yea I'm a wimp). At least with SN you're intact.

I guess. There are plenty of bad reports about SN too though. I'm not all that bothered how I'll be found, but I can't have my gf be the one to find me

 

[FuneralCry]

N does sound ideal to me from what I've read and I do envy those who are able to exit peacefully, but it seems as though only those who are very lucky get a peaceful death. SN does sound quite unpleasant but to me still sounds preferable to many of the other methods. Many of the other methods have more risks involved and would likely be more difficult to overcome the SI. But certainly staying alive until very old age sounds like the most horrific thing to me. I believe that it's irrational to want to exist for that long where of course lots of suffering will be guaranteed.

 

[jodes2]

N does sound ideal to me from what I've read and I do envy those who are able to exit peacefully, but it seems as though only those who are very lucky get a peaceful death. SN does sound quite unpleasant but to me still sounds preferable to many of the other methods. Many of the other methods have more risks involved and would likely be more difficult to overcome the SI. But certainly staying alive until very old age sounds like the most horrific thing to me. I believe that it's irrational to want to exist for that long where of course lots of suffering will be guaranteed.

Exactly, old age is going to suck tremendously. Thanks for replying, friend

 

[releasespieces]

It sucks. I hope I can get hold of N some time because I really would rather not suffer with SN. The taste, the headache, the difficulty breathing, it's a horrible combination (although I know there are much worse deaths). Why are we forced to put up with this shit? It's not fair. I don't want to keep suffering until I finally die naturally. All the illnesses and struggles I have yet to go through daunts me. How do normies just keep going in the face of decades of suffering to go? Shit, wtf is their secret?! So, it's a shame that right now SN seems like my best option. FFS. Its scary. It's going to be terrifying. At least I don't plan to CTB for a long time, so I still have a chance of getting N. I can't hurt my gf. Not yet. Not for a long while. Fuck! Gotta put up with all the daily shit that life brings.

I understand where you are coming from. I struggle with using SN too. I had SN and everything else I needed back in 2019, fast forward to now and I got rid of it a few months back. I like the idea of having it on me in case I have to quick exit for some reason, it gives me peace of mind. Im about to hunt some down again, but I'm afraid I will just waste my money again, it's more than doubled in price as well since then… it got really popular.

Just know you aren't alone when it comes to suffering through this life experience. It really is a shit time and suffering is the only real take away… one way or another someone or something suffers. Im sure those last 20-30 minutes will be quite frightening, but I'm fairly certain that at some point there will be a surrender and a blissful release of sorts. Whenever fear dominates my choice to CTB or not I know it probably isn't time yet, it means I'm still attached to something here. A lot of courage is needed to end your life and it isn't something to be taken lightly.

 

[never mind me]

I agree. But there's something about it being my final moments that really irks me. I want to be able to enjoy dying as weird as that sounds. I want to be well in my final moments. If I feel sick, the urge is going to be to want to get better, but being in the moment with SN, knowing the symptoms will just get progressively worse is hard to accept. I know it's small-minded but I can't help it. In the meantime, I'm facing about thirteen thousand days of misery which should be a lot more significant but it weighs about equal in my mind atm

If it is so important for you to enjoy your final moments of life you should maybe consider killing yourself with a benzodiazepine / heroin overdose. Some people in another forum have described being extrremely happy before passing out when they attempted suicide by heroin overdose.
Ideally take a small dose of benzodiazepines first in order to feel less anxious and then inject the heroine. Should be pretty straightforward. You can also do it without benzodiazepines, in this case you simply need more heroin to kill yourself. Just make sure to practice injections beforehand, if possible and don't take too many Benzodiazepines, otherwise you will fall asleep before being able to inject the heroin.

 

[well2hell]

Wow. That is a crazy large dose. I don't even have a tenth of that, maybe 50mg of diazepam max! I wonder how much that would help. It's such a tiny fraction of what they recommend! I clearly have more squirrelling away to do! Yikes. Thanks for your response!

You can acquire so-called designer benzodiazepines (research chemicals) like bromazolam.

 

[jodes2]

I understand where you are coming from. I struggle with using SN too. I had SN and everything else I needed back in 2019, fast forward to now and I got rid of it a few months back. I like the idea of having it on me in case I have to quick exit for some reason, it gives me peace of mind. Im about to hunt some down again, but I'm afraid I will just waste my money again, it's more than doubled in price as well since then… it got really popular.

Just know you aren't alone when it comes to suffering through this life experience. It really is a shit time and suffering is the only real take away… one way or another someone or something suffers. Im sure those last 20-30 minutes will be quite frightening, but I'm fairly certain that at some point there will be a surrender and a blissful release of sorts. Whenever fear dominates my choice to CTB or not I know it probably isn't time yet, it means I'm still attached to something here. A lot of courage is needed to end your life and it isn't something to be taken lightly.

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it

If it is so important for you to enjoy your final moments of life you should maybe consider killing yourself with a benzodiazepine / heroin overdose. Some people in another forum have described being extrremely happy before passing out when they attempted suicide by heroin overdose.
Ideally take a small dose of benzodiazepines first in order to feel less anxious and then inject the heroine. Should be pretty straightforward. You can also do it without benzodiazepines, in this case you simply need more heroin to kill yourself. Just make sure to practice injections beforehand, if possible and don't take too many Benzodiazepines, otherwise you will fall asleep before being able to inject the heroin.

Thank you, I will consider it, I'd just be uncertain about a few things with heroin like how to inject it, where to buy it safely etc, I've been ripped off on the dark net before

You can acquire so-called designer benzodiazepines (research chemicals) like bromazolam.

Thank you! I'll look into that

It's interesting you mention this because I have thought about that. Heroin or fentanyl overdoses seem to get the job done and people like it. I just worry people would think I'm an addict then when they find my body and that sucks… can you believe worrying about what people think of you can follow you into death? Smh
I am sorry you're having a hard time with your method of choice— I use to see your name and see "SN arrived!" And was kinda envious because I don't know where to get SN

However I was under the impression that it's not so bad to take SN.

Now I'm worried— because you're right- I agree— I want to be at peace and happy with the decision I made within the last 30 mins of my life. Like at least that right?

I don't think of N because it seems nearly impossible for me to obtain in US… I guess I have to start my research because it sounds even less painful.

One time I tried to buy a bunch of whippits — but it was not even nearly enough :( but I heard you can die from oxygen deprivation— is N and whippits the same thing? If so— this is clearly the way id want to go— but how do you get enough of it in US?

I can give you my SN source (IC) if you pm me :) thanks for your reply

 

[never mind me]

On wikihow you can look at a step by step guide on how to inject stuff in your veines. For a complete guide how to prepare heroin for injections and inject it I would recommend searching online forums for drug users, there are certainly tutorials for this, although the ones I know are not in English. If you don't have a personal contact for heroin I would recommend going to the next city with a known open drug scene. You can find out where this is by searching the internet, well-known public places where illegal drugs are sold are often even mentioned by mainstream media for example in articles about police hunting down dealers and/or drug addicts. Try to look scruffy when you go there otherwise the folks there might take you for an undercover cop. Dealing with people selling/taking heroine be prepared for some unpleasant caracters, they will probably try to scam you, if you let them. So don't be intimidated and don't ever let go of your money without first having the heroin in your hand.

 

[jodes2]

On wikihow you can look at a step by step guide on how to inject stuff in your veines. For a complete guide how to prepare heroin for injections and inject it I would recommend searching online forums for drug users, there are certainly tutorials for this, although the ones I know are not in English. If you don't have a personal contact for heroin I would recommend going to the next city with a known open drug scene. You can find out where this is by searching the internet, well-known public places where illegal drugs are sold are often even mentioned by mainstream media for example in articles about police hunting down dealers and/or drug addicts. Try to look scruffy when you go there otherwise the folks there might take you for an undercover cop. Dealing with people selling/taking heroine be prepared for some unpleasant caracters, they will probably try to scam you, if you let them. So don't be intimidated and don't ever let go of your money without first having the heroin in your hand.

Good advice, thank you. I don't know if there are any areas of London like that, I'm worried I'd have to risk a costly trip up north. I've tried looking for irl places to buy drugs before and I've struggled to be approached by anyone. I don't know if it's just hard in the UK?

 

[MyLifeisHell]

My life has been very painful. I doubt SN will be worse than the worst pain I've already suffered. The final half-hour is just a continuation of the bullshit. But I understand the concern. It is sad.

All the older relatives I know who have died certainly didn't have pleasant months if not years until their passing: cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's.

Ingesting pentobarbital, even if it doesn't cause the physical side effects, still poses the emotional challenge of waiting to lose consciousness. To me that is the hardest part (of both methods).

 

[jodes2]

My life has been very painful. I doubt SN will be worse than the worst pain I've already suffered. The final half-hour is just a continuation of the bullshit. But I understand the concern. It is sad.

All the older relatives I know who have died certainly didn't have pleasant months if not years until their passing: cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's.

Ingesting pentobarbital, even if it doesn't cause the physical side effects, still poses the emotional challenge of waiting to lose consciousness. To me that is the hardest part (of both methods).

I'm sorry your life has been so painful my grandma suffered a lot before she died, she had breathing difficulty for about 15 years before she passed away. My grandpa went quickly at least.

 

[Dying Failure]

I can relate I don't know who's going to find me or when that's my problem and I made my SN drink a few nights ago but got scared and chickened out my SI kicked in and kicked my butt (literally and physically) I need to overcome and just do it. I hate living in this world. It has become a more tragic place for me to be in along with a lot more than tragic. I'm sorry you are suffering like you are. But I feel your pain. I just wish one person would try and walk a day in my shoes and even the strongest person would end it. Or just end it for me as clearly I am a chicken to end it. I guess it's the not knowing what happens once I do end it for me. My brother was stronger than I am as he committed suicide and here I still am thinking of it everyday yet to scared to actually do it. I wish I was in his shoes and had that strength to overcome SI and just end my life like he did. The hoping for better days is over for me yet for some reason I get scared. I'm going to try again on Sunday in my car in a location where idc who finds me and when but I need the right mentality to overcome my SI. That's what's stopping me the most, and the fact I was selfish and brought children into this horrible world. There's still so many ways to get SN in the US that doesn't cost a lot too. I found a way just recently after doing research thanks to this website. :)

 

[almaranthine]

Now that I have SN in my possession... I've really been thinking about this, how my last moments will be, how scared I will be, how bad my physical symptoms could get. I had a bout of anxiety thinking about it yesterday. The fear of knowing what I will have to go through is intense, and the fact that I am at this point saddens me. I do wish there was an easier way to leave, or perhaps even a series of events that might change life for me and make it worth living. Unfortunately, either of these scenarios are very unlikely to happen, so I will just have to face my death as calmly and rationally as I can.

 

[jodes2]

Stop being a pussy

You don't get it. I'm not a pussy. It's personal preference. You've probably offended a lot of people

Now that I have SN in my possession... I've really been thinking about this, how my last moments will be, how scared I will be, how bad my physical symptoms could get. I had a bout of anxiety thinking about it yesterday. The fear of knowing what I will have to go through is intense, and the fact that I am at this point saddens me. I do wish there was an easier way to leave, or perhaps even a series of events that might change life for me and make it worth living. Unfortunately, either of these scenarios are very unlikely to happen, so I will just have to face my death as calmly and rationally as I can.

I hope you find what you're looking for

 

[Regret]

I guess it's the not knowing what happens once I do end it for me

Yup— same. I hate to be a spirit and get to see how my death made other people sad :(

If it's a guaranteed nothing happens after death just black void— you feel nothing— it's over it would be easier.

But we really don't know what happens after :(

 

[jodes2]

ItsYup— same. I hate to be a spirit and get to see how my death made other people sad :(

If it's a guaranteed nothing happens after death just black void— you feel nothing— it's over it would be easier.

But we really don't know what happens after :(

It's best not to let our imaginations run away with themselves! Fear of possible afterlives can be reduced with a bit of common sense; chances are it'll be the same as before we were born; peaceful, eternal nothingness

 

[Altvtysp]

It sucks. I hope I can get hold of N some time because I really would rather not suffer with SN. The taste, the headache, the difficulty breathing, it's a horrible combination (although I know there are much worse deaths). Why are we forced to put up with this shit? It's not fair. I don't want to keep suffering until I finally die naturally. All the illnesses and struggles I have yet to go through daunts me. How do normies just keep going in the face of decades of suffering to go? Shit, wtf is their secret?! So, it's a shame that right now SN seems like my best option. FFS. Its scary. It's going to be terrifying. At least I don't plan to CTB for a long time, so I still have a chance of getting N. I can't hurt my gf. Not yet. Not for a long while. Fuck! Gotta put up with all the daily shit that life brings.

That's one of the reasons why I decided on an almost full partial hanging that's going to be properly done with thin, strong rope and a well done noose as I should lose consciousness within 12 seconds. Even if I could get SN I think sitting there for 30+ minutes being really uncomfortable waiting for it to do its job would be worse.

 

[makethepainstop]

It sucks. I hope I can get hold of N some time because I really would rather not suffer with SN. The taste, the headache, the difficulty breathing, it's a horrible combination (although I know there are much worse deaths). Why are we forced to put up with this shit? It's not fair. I don't want to keep suffering until I finally die naturally. All the illnesses and struggles I have yet to go through daunts me. How do normies just keep going in the face of decades of suffering to go? Shit, wtf is their secret?! So, it's a shame that right now SN seems like my best option. FFS. Its scary. It's going to be terrifying. At least I don't plan to CTB for a long time, so I still have a chance of getting N. I can't hurt my gf. Not yet. Not for a long while. Fuck! Gotta put up with all the daily shit that life brings.

I'll take a bunch of THC gummies for the discomfort and a mega dose of Seroquel, or I can live another decade in pain? So short-term discomfort, or a decade of pain? I'll take the short term every time.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I know what you mean. I think it's something we all fear and worse- we don't really know what to expect. Some people seem to pass fairly easily from SN while others don't. The overdose of meto kind of frightens me too- especially since mine is out of date now.

Still, I try and reassure myself by saying my 'natural' death probably wouldn't be all that pleasant either. I don't actually know any family member who didn't suffer before they departed. Granted, a lot of them were under the effects of morphine and even heroin in a hospital when they finally passed but their journeys weren't smooth.

Also, I've had chronic pain in the past and waited it out in the hopes I would die. I thought it was a heart attack but it was gallstone related. The symptoms were actually fairly similar to SN though- perhaps worse by the sounds of it. I felt a terrific cramp around my diaphragm area (that was the worst of it and to be honest- SN doesn't sound as bad as that). Also felt a shortness of breath which made me panic. Still, I didn't call for an ambulance- just cursed God that if he was going to kill me to get on with it (if there is one) but sadly, it passed but kept repeating until I couldn't stand it anymore and sorted it out.

I guess, at least with SN, we will be kind of expecting some of these things. Honestly- it was terrifying to be hit with a pain you feel like you can't cope with and have no idea what it is. Again though- it's odd because I have spoken to other people who had gallstones who suffered the same and others who didn't. Maybe it's to do with our pain tolerances or the particulars of what the damn gallstones are doing.

I do feel so resentful though that we all have to go through all this. I do agree that assisted euthanasia sounds so much better for everyone concerned. Still, sadly- this is what we're stuck with. It will probably be a 'nicer' departure (and hopefully more reliable) than some of the methods I have considered over the years (like slashing wrists and OD-ing on paracetamol.)

 

[👁️👃👁️]

You don't get it. I'm not a pussy. It's personal preference. You've probably offended a lot of people

I hope you find what you're looking for

I hope you reported @Orchidia
@Dot
@Dot

 

[jodes2]

I know what you mean. I think it's something we all fear and worse- we don't really know what to expect. Some people seem to pass fairly easily from SN while others don't. The overdose of meto kind of frightens me too- especially since mine is out of date now.

Still, I try and reassure myself by saying my 'natural' death probably wouldn't be all that pleasant either. I don't actually know any family member who didn't suffer before they departed. Granted, a lot of them were under the effects of morphine and even heroin in a hospital when they finally passed but their journeys weren't smooth.

Also, I've had chronic pain in the past and waited it out in the hopes I would die. I thought it was a heart attack but it was gallstone related. The symptoms were actually fairly similar to SN though- perhaps worse by the sounds of it. I felt a terrific cramp around my diaphragm area (that was the worst of it and to be honest- SN doesn't sound as bad as that). Also felt a shortness of breath which made me panic. Still, I didn't call for an ambulance- just cursed God that if he was going to kill me to get on with it (if there is one) but sadly, it passed but kept repeating until I couldn't stand it anymore and sorted it out.

I guess, at least with SN, we will be kind of expecting some of these things. Honestly- it was terrifying to be hit with a pain you feel like you can't cope with and have no idea what it is. Again though- it's odd because I have spoken to other people who had gallstones who suffered the same and others who didn't. Maybe it's to do with our pain tolerances or the particulars of what the damn gallstones are doing.

I do feel so resentful though that we all have to go through all this. I do agree that assisted euthanasia sounds so much better for everyone concerned. Still, sadly- this is what we're stuck with. It will probably be a 'nicer' departure (and hopefully more reliable) than some of the methods I have considered over the years (like slashing wrists and OD-ing on paracetamol.)

Oh man, that gallstone pain must have been agony. I hope I never get stones!! I'm sure SN is nowhere as bad as that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Oh man, that gallstone pain must have been agony. I hope I never get stones!! I'm sure SN is nowhere as bad as that.

Yeah, for me it was but then, I've chatted to people here who didn't find it so bad. Hard to know with pain isn't it? Still- I guess that's my hope with SN- that it won't be as bad and will have a more favourable result! Reckon I'll just keep telling myself- 'no pain, no gain!'

 

[jodes2]

Yeah, for me it was but then, I've chatted to people here who didn't find it so bad. Hard to know with pain isn't it? Still- I guess that's my hope with SN- that it won't be as bad and will have a more favourable result! Reckon I'll just keep telling myself- 'no pain, no gain!'

Ugh I hate that expression lol. Personally I don't believe it, you *can* gain without pain often! But in this case, yeah...

 

[Altvtysp]

Ugh I hate that expression lol. Personally I don't believe it, you *can* gain without pain often! But in this case, yeah...

No pain without gain as they say. I'm gonna find out right now...