I don't like labels

[Water-Lily]

I don't know if this is meant for recovery or is even recovery worthy, but just something I am thinking about

Back when I was trying to figure out the shit that was going on in my home, I turned to the Internet to save me. With no in person support and being domineered by my mom, I tried to find help elsewhere. I found some good people, people I am still friends with today. But I also had some negative and traumatic experiences. Part of that is tied into my experience with Reddit and other online support groups

This is nothing against these places mer say, its mainly my individual experience with where I was in my life at the time. I turned to many abuse support groups and opened up about my traumas. Maybe its because of my denial and anxiety over facing the truth of my reality, but I got easily panicked and shut down a lot. This didn't help with all the daily and constant abuse leading up to my eventual hospitalization, and then trying to navigate college

Nowadays, I shut down and panic when I try to force my abuse into a certain label as in "I was blank abused" or "I suffered blank abuse" or "my mom blanked me". I'm not sure how to explain it, but whenever I try to put my traumas, abuses, and stories into categories I don't feel good. And I feel bad for not doing so because I have been told from so many people what my trauma is. My therapist advised I focus less on labels and will deal with things as they come. But at the same time, I also don't want to

Maybe not so much recovery but just realizing things about myself so far

 

[timf]

Labels and categories are useful for professionals and academics because it imparts to them a feeling of understanding. if you have been abused, sometimes the memory of being hated so much transcends the confines of a particular label or the specifics of a particular type of abuse.

It can be helpful to see the expression of hatred as not so much about you but an expression of the deficiencies of the abuser. For example, finding out the person who abused you had a brain tumor that was driving them nuts might allow one to , if not forgive, then to allow the pain to fade into the past as if one had been in a car incident. Considering that someone had come to a point in life where they had no control might be similar to a sort of emotional "tumor".

 

[Water-Lily]

Labels and categories are useful for professionals and academics because it imparts to them a feeling of understanding. if you have been abused, sometimes the memory of being hated so much transcends the confines of a particular label or the specifics of a particular type of abuse.

It can be helpful to see the expression of hatred as not so much about you but an expression of the deficiencies of the abuser. For example, finding out the person who abused you had a brain tumor that was driving them nuts might allow one to , if not forgive, then to allow the pain to fade into the past as if one had been in a car incident. Considering that someone had come to a point in life where they had no control might be similar to a sort of emotional "tumor".

Labels in this context i agree with. Like, with my mom for instance, she was horribly abused in her own childhood. She was molested by an uncle (sexual incest) along with physical abuse, verbal, physical, and so forth. She basically got the full package of abuse in one childhood/teenage hood and never received treatment or admitted she needed help. With her now being dead, it causes me mixed feelings. She tried sometimes, but she was mostly incapable and thrived on power and abuse to get what she wanted. Very scary and many things are traumatic/still very hard to talk about

When I would talk about the things she did, her behavior was put into categories and, made it difficult for me to grieve her. My therapist approaches things differently, but I find it hard to think outside the confines of what I found online on my own

 

[noaccount]

You're definitely on to something very important here. There is a writeup about why abuse should not be "blamed on mental illness" or pigeonholed as a "symptom or syndrome" here:

Abuse Cannot Be Blamed on Mental Illness

Research shows abusers are no more likely to be mentally ill than others By DomesticShelters.org Abusers love excuses. They only yelled at you because they were drunk. They only hit you because they were hit as children. They’re only abusive because they’re depressed. It’s not their fault. Survivors

hydecounty-hotline.org

The book "Why Does He Do That" (gendered title, but can be used to understand and unpack damaging relationships with abusers of any gender", also talks a lot about this. Someone posted a particularly relevant excerpt at:


It's also worth looking at how mainstream ways of treating children, that are considered "healthly/normal," are still intensely dehumanizing. You may find understanding and camaraderie among the National Youth Rights Association.

Who Decides What a Mental Disorder Is? - NYRA

The definition of a mental disorder is a “dysfunction in the psychological, biological, or developmental processes underlying mental functioning.” Unfortunately, this definition is vague and leaves much room for debate and criticism. Since it is not entirely clear what “dysfunction” means, the...

www.youthrights.org