HappySisyphus
One must imagine Sisyphus happy
- Aug 3, 2023
- 32
It's been a while since I last wrote on my suicide note, at first I started it because I thought I owed people some kind of explanation but lately I just don't seem to care about it, the people close to me have always been my main reason to not kill myself but I don't think that still applies now, I always thought of my little cousin and I refused to let her grow up without one of her cousins and that would always used to force me to keep living but it doesn't work anymore, I feel extremely sad about it of course, but it doesn't make me want to stay alive, if anything it makes me want to kill myself, she is only 8, if I do it now she will probably feel less bad than if I do it when she grows up.
I know I deserve most of the stuff that happens to me, that is one of the things that keeps me somewhat sane, I already talked about this in a previous post but I'd like to make a correction, on previous post I said I lacked any morals, that is not true, I have very set morals, it's just that I don't care to follow them, not anymore at least, I started ignoring them around the time I think I first got depressed, I could use that as an excuse, but the truth is that I'm still the only person responsible for my actions and I have to deal with that.
As I said the people close to me were the main reason I wanted to keep living, but since I don't feel like that anymore I don't really know what to do, the only thing I can honestly say I care about right now is that the football team I am a fan of beat our biggest rivals this sunday, if we lose maybe I could just kill myself to not let my friends that support the other team celebrate to much, I don't think they'll care that much but it should be a bit awkard at least
I know I deserve most of the stuff that happens to me, that is one of the things that keeps me somewhat sane, I already talked about this in a previous post but I'd like to make a correction, on previous post I said I lacked any morals, that is not true, I have very set morals, it's just that I don't care to follow them, not anymore at least, I started ignoring them around the time I think I first got depressed, I could use that as an excuse, but the truth is that I'm still the only person responsible for my actions and I have to deal with that.
As I said the people close to me were the main reason I wanted to keep living, but since I don't feel like that anymore I don't really know what to do, the only thing I can honestly say I care about right now is that the football team I am a fan of beat our biggest rivals this sunday, if we lose maybe I could just kill myself to not let my friends that support the other team celebrate to much, I don't think they'll care that much but it should be a bit awkard at least
