Venting I don't know what to do

[MaggotBrain]

My life is better than most, now that I think about it I don't have much to complain about: I am comfortable, I have a job, I am not disabled or anything and I have some friends here and there.

My life for the most part has been rather okay. Sure I am poor — sure I was raised in a single-parent household — sure I have experienced some traumas' but compared to how most people are living, I live the good life.

Yet I am unhappy, I feel so fucking shit constantly; the reason for this I do not know myself. I have tried getting help for it but the help I received was medication and the usual therapy script.

I am not good at expressing myself perhaps that's the reason for this anguish, even writing this is such a pain. Why can't I just be happy with my life and try to continue? Why am I constantly thinking about ending it?

I truly feel guilt for wanting to end it, I want to end it, but part of me wants to go on and live.

I don't know what to do.

 

[again_noidea]

There are many reasons. Maybe some unresolved emotions from your early childhood that are deeply buried? Maybe your body feels like shit because you don't eat the right things or you do not move your body, like doing some "sport" (running, dancing, yoga whatever) maybe there is a hormonal imbalance. Maybe you are not fulfilled with your work, maybe it is useless or not meaningful to you. Maybe you feel spiritually empty. What do you think?

 

[MaggotBrain]

There are many reasons. Maybe some unresolved emotions from your early childhood that are deeply buried? Maybe your body feels like shit because you don't eat the right things or you do not move your body, like doing some "sport" (running, dancing, yoga whatever) maybe there is a hormonal imbalance. Maybe you are not fulfilled with your work, maybe it is useless or not meaningful to you. Maybe you feel spiritually empty. What do you think?

The useless or not meaningful spoke to me. It's alright though, there isn't much I can do about that. I am a mediocre human being.

 

[again_noidea]

The useless or not meaningful spoke to me. It's alright though, there isn't much I can do about that. I am a mediocre human being.

most of us are mediocre, but it is our social organization that makes us feel meaningless. i think there was never a historical period where humans had it so hard to find meaning in their life.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I understand it can be like being trapped. I can relate, as when my life used to be okay, I still felt really unhappy and there was not an specific reason why I was feeling like that. It is the way I am. I get that it can be tiring as there is no escape from our thoughts. I wish you well.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I am not good at expressing myself perhaps that's the reason for this anguish, even writing this is such a pain.

Sometimes I think that too. Too many blockades. I either don't know how, or I can't out of some stupid fear. My soul is holding this fart for far too long.

 

[Lmd]

Don't compare yourself with others, each one has their stuff and even the dumbest ones are valid. What do you think when serotonin hits you and you want to live? Maybe looking for what you want helps you understand what you are.

 

[MaggotBrain]

most of us are mediocre, but it is our social organization that makes us feel meaningless. i think there was never a historical period where humans had it so hard to find meaning in their life.

There is too many of us and because of that people expect high standards in every faculty of your being. It's pathetic.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I understand it can be like being trapped. I can relate, as when my life used to be okay, I still felt really unhappy and there was not an specific reason why I was feeling like that. It is the way I am. I get that it can be tiring as there is no escape from our thoughts. I wish you well.

Thank you for your kind post. I wish you well as well.

Don't compare yourself with others, each one has their stuff and even the dumbest ones are valid. What do you think when serotonin hits you and you want to live? Maybe looking for what you want helps you understand what you are.

I do that too much indeed, comparing myself to others. Some people are blessed and other's are cursed, thank you for reopening my eyes.

 

[again_noidea]

There is too many of us and because of that people expect high standards in every faculty of your being. It's pathetic.

The numbers of human is one factor, but we could have meaning, if we would work on one goal together. Imagine all humanity would decide that they want to work towards a utopian society, a post scarcity society, where nobody has to work more than 10 hours per week without being poor of course. Instead, we spend our money on bullshit jobs and useless wars. No, we feel meaningless because we trapped by the powerful, of course we can step out of "the system" but not everyone can do this and besides that, it is very hard to stand on your own. Humans are naturally group animals. We love to unite, and we love the feeling of belonging to a bigger group. When we know that our actions have no positive effect on our society and no positive effect on ourselves (besides a little money in our pocket), we feel miserable, it is against our nature. That is my humble opinion.

 

[seeking2learn]

You expressed yourself very well.
I understand the demons you face everyday. Just keep posting and reading and maybe a path will be found one way or the other.