Method I don't know what to do and I need help.

[21Neberg]

Hi all, I'll get straight to it:

just failed partial hanging for the third time. Each time I was too much of a pussy to go on, and I'd leave the bathroom with the belt in my hand crying with a headache. I feel like a fucking failure, and though I want nothing but to be dead I somehow don't have the balls to push through with my method.

I need help. Partial clearly isn't the way to go. I don't have money, so unfortunately SN won't work either. Please, help me. I don't know what to do.

 

[Exile]

For what it's worth, I believe emphatically that you're a smart and sensitive man and in no way any of the negative terms you use to describe yourself. What you're trying to do is very difficult and arouses strong emotions. In this, as with all personal challenges, please go easy on yourself. I know that you live with extreme suffering and that a lot of it comes from other people. It's good to resist joining other people in ganging up on you.

 

[Roberto]

I'm sorry for your suffering.
I'ts too hard what you are trying. Don't blame yourself.
What happened that made you hurry up in ctb?

 

[suffering]

From my personal experience, as long as the SI is strong, the method is irrelevant. I know your pain. I feel you. Many of us have been there. Some will succeed maybe in the future, others, like me, have given up. My advice is to give yourself a little time to heal and after that, if you decide to live, keep your chin up. Our purpose is to suffer as little as possible. If suicide is too hard, then living a good life should be plan B. Death will find us, eventually.
You are not a pussy, a true pussy wouldn't even approach the matter of suicide. You just pushed yourself to your biological limits, the most difficult task a human can face.

 

[Jean Améry]

Hi all, I'll get straight to it:

just failed partial hanging for the third time. Each time I was too much of a pussy to go on, and I'd leave the bathroom with the belt in my hand crying with a headache. I feel like a fucking failure, and though I want nothing but to be dead I somehow don't have the balls to push through with my method.

I need help. Partial clearly isn't the way to go. I don't have money, so unfortunately SN won't work either. Please, help me. I don't know what to do.

Don't judge yourself so harshly man: you're not a coward or a failure for not succeeding in something that we all know is incredibly hard.

If partial isn't your cup of tea that's ok, no need to beat yourself up about it. Find another method: if you need money you can make it by finding some type of work or selling something you own. If death is your fondest wish getting the money for a comfortable way out should surely motivate you.

You need to take a deep breath and realize rushing this is not the way to go. You need to be focused, calm and composed if you do decide to die. That comes from being absolutely certain, having thought things through and having confidence in one's method.

This is clearly your ego screaming at you and calling you all sorts of crap. You are none of those things and have nothing to be ashamed about. If you can't believe yourself at least try to believe a stranger who has nothing to gain by convincing you of anything.

I'd suggest to sit on a chair or the floor with your back straight and slowly inhale and exhale. Don't engage with your thoughts and emotions: just let them go. After a while you'll likely find a great emptiness and the joy of non-judgement and non-attachment.

I strongly believe that if you can cultivate this you will be able to CTB with no problem at all. Being desperate and full of emotion will simply not do.

 

[21Neberg]

Don't judge yourself so harshly man: you're not a coward or a failure for not succeeding in something that we all know is incredibly hard.

If partial isn't your cup of tea that's ok, no need to beat yourself up about it. Find another method: if you need money you can make it by finding some type of work or selling something you own. If death is your fondest wish getting the money for a comfortable way out should surely motivate you.

You need to take a deep breath and realize rushing this is not the way to go. You need to be focused, calm and composed if you do decide to die. That comes from being absolutely certain, having thought things through and having confidence in one's method.

This is clearly your ego screaming at you and calling you all sorts of crap. You are none of those things and have nothing to be ashamed about. If you can't believe yourself at least try to believe a stranger who has nothing to gain by convincing you of anything.

I'd suggest to sit on a chair or the floor with your back straight and slowly inhale and exhale. Don't engage with your thoughts and emotions: just let them go. After a while you'll likely find a great emptiness and the joy of non-judgement and non-attachment.

I strongly believe that if you can cultivate this you will be able to CTB with no problem at all. Being desperate and full of emotion will simply not do.

This wasn't my first attempt, I've prepared since last December... I'm a failure, and i don't know where to go now. All this preparation for nothing, just to find out I'm too weak

 

[marcusuk63]

Failure is nothing to be ashamed of especial with CTB , i am sure if we all had a built in kill switch this site would have very few active members , there are numerous times when without planning and thinking it through too much i would just say "fuck it and press the button " in fact about an hour ago i was wishing there was one there in front of me.

 

[Raggas]

This wasn't my first attempt, I've prepared since last December... I'm a failure, and i don't know where to go now. All this preparation for nothing, just to find out I'm too weak

There's no such thing as being too weak. Suicide is the hardest thing to do. Take some time off and treat yourself. Then when you are clear headed you can decide what's next.

 

[SeekingSolace]

Try to offer yourself some of the empathy you give others (easier said than done I know). Like previous users have mentioned, if ending it was easy most of us would already be gone and this site would have little purpose.

I'm sorry you're hurting so badly and that your attempt was unsuccessful. I'm here if you need to chat (I'm also having trouble offing myself, so I feel pretty stuck as well).

 

[Jean Améry]

This wasn't my first attempt, I've prepared since last December... I'm a failure, and i don't know where to go now. All this preparation for nothing, just to find out I'm too weak

I can understand you're dissapointed but objectively speaking you haven't lost anything: you didn't suffer damage, you didn't lose your freedom and you learned partial hanging does not suit you or you weren't ready at that moment. Process that information and move on.

You're going through great emotional turmoil but that's all it is: emotion. Take a walk, sleep, distract yourself, do anyting. Having experienced great panic and despair believe me: this will pass and it does not need to define your life or your self-worth.

There's no reason to assume you won't be able to do it later, certainly not when you invest in a method that should be easier.

People 'fail' all the time in everything: what separates the losers from the winners is giving up on trying to succeed or not. By this I do not mean you absolutely must kill yourself (I would never presume to be able to make that judgement for you) but know that achieving a great feat takes practice and cultivation of the proper mindset.

 

[Roberto]

This wasn't my first attempt, I've prepared since last December... I'm a failure, and i don't know where to go now. All this preparation for nothing, just to find out I'm too weak

You are very kind to others, like me. Give yourself a bit of it also. Look at your inner child and protect him, give him love, understanding, care. Listen to him. Does him say anything to you? He only needs you.

 

[21Neberg]

Try to offer yourself some of the empathy you give others (easier said than done I know). Like previous users have mentioned, if ending it was easy most of us would already be gone and this site would have little purpose.

I'm sorry you're hurting so badly and that your attempt was unsuccessful. I'm here if you need to chat (I'm also having trouble offing myself, so I feel pretty stuck as well).

I just don't know how to do it.

I've got the belt hung around my neck, and I know it can hold my weight. I push down - I can feel the discomfort and the sound in my ears gets quiet. However when the pressure in my head rises I always pussy out. I just want to know how to overcome this.

 

[SardonicSatire]

I was attempting this yesterday (albeit a practise run), you are not a pussy bud. I'm almost resistant to physical pain at this point in my life but partial hurt like a bitch. You're not a failure, if the attempts aren't working you should take that as a sign that it's not your time (I don't mean this in a religious way). Something is pulling you back and maybe it's time to give life a few more chances.

 

[Macc Lad]

Hi all, I'll get straight to it:

just failed partial hanging for the third time. Each time I was too much of a pussy to go on, and I'd leave the bathroom with the belt in my hand crying with a headache. I feel like a fucking failure, and though I want nothing but to be dead I somehow don't have the balls to push through with my method.

I need help. Partial clearly isn't the way to go. I don't have money, so unfortunately SN won't work either. Please, help me. I don't know what to do.

How about taking some time out.......think about things! you're sounding a touch desperate!

 

[Lara Francis]

Hi all, I'll get straight to it:

just failed partial hanging for the third time. Each time I was too much of a pussy to go on, and I'd leave the bathroom with the belt in my hand crying with a headache. I feel like a fucking failure, and though I want nothing but to be dead I somehow don't have the balls to push through with my method.

I need help. Partial clearly isn't the way to go. I don't have money, so unfortunately SN won't work either. Please, help me. I don't know what to do.

I am sorry @21Neberg
I know you are suffering.I hope u find your peace soon xx hugs

 

[Jean Améry]

Failure is nothing to be ashamed of especial with CTB , i am sure if we all had a built in kill switch this site would have very few active members , there are numerous times when without planning and thinking it through too much i would just say "fuck it and press the button " in fact about an hour ago i was wishing there was one there in front of me.

Amen to that

 

[21Neberg]

I am sorry @21Neberg
I know you are suffering.I hope u find your peace soon xx hugs

I'm glad you replied, I remember you. You were always nice. I hope you've been doing well lately.

 

[TiredHorse]

Please, please be kind to yourself. Survival instinct stymied me six times with eb/N2. And I know just what you mean: crying, pounding headache (stress, not method), that horrible, horrible new nadir of self worth. Just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse, I even failed to kill myself. It is genuinely devastating.

Take some time, catch your breath, be gentle with yourself. Whether you try again or find a new way forward, at the moment you need rest and compassion.

 

[JJ-NOHOPE]

You are a sweet guy 21neberg. Please give yourself a shot.

But if you decide to die, find a painless peaceful way.

I wish you weren't so much pain.