I don't know what I'm still doing here

[motel rooms]

I really feel like forcing myself to disable my account by announcing I'm leaving SS. I don't know what I'm still doing here. I'm tired & scared of getting attached to people I can't help & losing them, that shit really hurts; I never want to be PM'd by anyone else again. I'm also tired of repeating myself. There are only so many things you can say to other members to try to comfort & support them before you start sounding like a fucking broken record. I get nothing out of venting; it just makes me feel worse. Why the hell is it so hard for me to leave? Why do I feel like I'd be betraying something? Wtf is this, am I experiencing some sort of survivor's guilt because I have a partner now & I'm not going to ctb in the foreseeable future? I'm just so disgusted with myself.

 

[Snake of Eden]

We love having you here. It will never be the same without you. You are one of us in every sense of the word

 

[ExitiumVitae]

Your posts are my favorite on SS and I loved your humor on this hopeless and dreary place. Maybe there is a hesitation because you feel attached to the community that understood you and the fact that the loss of the people you loved hurt you a lot is a sign of how positive their impact was on you while they were here. Whether you leave or stay, the decision that leads you to a better life is the decision I will fully support, but don't think that you don't ''deserve'' to be here because that's far from the truth regardless of if you'll ctb or not.

 

[bluedream]

Your words have value here, i appreciate you. but leaving and moving on with your life wouldn't be betrayal at all, if you feel it would be beneficial for you to do that.

 

[Life sucks]

I'm sorry you feel like this. Losing people always hurt. And the inability to help each other is really hurts even more.

This life is cruel that each way hurts in unimaginable ways. Lose-lose situations are filling the life, we always lose something and sometimes it's hard to choose what to do and it's possible to be indecisive.

Although it's sad to see you leave but members here will understand if leaving is going to make you feel better, also on the other hand, you can stay as always if you feel it'd better for you. You can also take a break to decide what you really want to do.

I really understand this feeling when constantly losing and being unable to do anything. I don't know what to say or express with words, this life is really atrocious. I wish you take the best decision for yourself. I wish you peace in whatever way you choose. Don't be hard on yourself.

It's hard to feel like what you're saying is a broken record. I also feel like I repeat the same things. Unfortunately this life restricted us that even if we want to help, there are many barriers and difficulties and we only have text and words for each other.

Sorry for the long reply, I wish you peace, and whatever your choice is, this place will always welcome you whenever you want to return or stay.

I wish you all the best

 

[whywere]

You are such a vibrant, loving soul here on SS that I would truly miss your humor and take on different aspects.

Please did not leave, as I consider you a very good friend who gives me a hearty laugh and makes my days so much better.

Need you and your humor my friend, you are part of the fabric here on SS, please stay!

Walter

 

[avoid_slow_death]

You do you bro. It's understandable why you feel the need to leave, but don't do so out of a sense of guilt or feeling of betrayal. That will only compound negative feelings later on.

That said, foe sure this forum would feel very much different. Your deep wit and sarcasm made this place a lot more relaxed. And the fact that you speak your mind very bluntly whether it be to criticize or support are greatly appreciated by myself and many other members I am sure. If ever this forum had a "celebrity superstar" this would likely be you.

I completely understand you befriending certain individuals only to lose them a short while later here. Has happened to me on a few occasions and yeah, it does hurt like hell, but such is the nature of the beast in an environment such as this.

All that said, like I said initially, you do you bro. You ultimately know what is best for yourself, your relationship and your mental well being. But whatever you decide, know that you are very much loved and well respected here. A bright beacon of light, love and dark humor that gas definitely touched many a soul here. May your future choices guide you to the future you desire and may you find inner peace in whatever form that might take.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I really feel like forcing myself to disable my account by announcing I'm leaving SS. I don't know what I'm still doing here. I'm tired & scared of getting attached to people I can't help & losing them, that shit really hurts; I never want to be PM'd by anyone else again. I'm also tired of repeating myself. There are only so many things you can say to other members to try to comfort & support them before you start sounding like a fucking broken record. I get nothing out of venting; it just makes me feel worse. Why the hell is it so hard for me to leave? Why do I feel like I'd be betraying something? Wtf is this, am I experiencing some sort of survivor's guilt because I have a partner now & I'm not going to ctb in the foreseeable future? I'm just so disgusted with myself.

I wish I could follow your wisdom.

 

[whatevs]

Yeah, I appreciate your posts as well, but let's be honest, if you aren't suicidal or quasi-suicidal then in my opinion the healthiest thing to do is not subject yourself to the funereal ambiance often found in the biggest subforum of the site. If you wish to keep in contact then I would just limit my access to say half of what it was.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. it is hard to see people go when there's an attachment there, I can understand why that would weigh on you. This is a community and leaving any community you're a part of is going to be difficult. But there's no need to feel guilty. It's great that you no longer want to ctb! You deserve that! And if you think this forum is doing you more harm than good at this point, I don't think anyone could blame you for at least taking a break, even though you'd definitely be missed. You're smart and self-aware, I think you probably know what's best for yourself in this situation, and we want the best for you because you deserve that.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

What a coincidence, I was thinking about the pros and cons of leaving for a long time just now. Mostly, I feel like I've posted so much stuff that just isn't how I'd like to portray myself. I'm very unstable, so I've posted both edgy/dark-hearted/rule-breaking and pathetic/whiny stuff, all of it feels completely out of character. And of course all of the embarrassing/cringey stuff. I can remember most of the worst stuff, so leaving would bring me closure with all of that. No risk of anyone quoting me being a complete narc/whiny child/unfunny comedian anymore.

I have enjoyed finding people similar to me, but I've come to realize that talking to these people just isn't doing anything. Just another distraction, and distractions will come naturally anyway (no need to hold on to any one thing, imo).

The real benefit of the site is the methods, and I'm done with that now. But, in case I survive for too long then I might want to be on here for the methods once again. But hopefully under a fresh username that's not attached to the worst parts of my shitty personality. Maybe that won't be possible then, idk.

 

[Istanbulite]

Stay, chap

 

[9BBN]

You're a nice person, HBG. That's why you're feeling so guilty. Don't be afraid to do something for yourself if that's what you need. Also remember leaving SS doesn't have to be permanent, and we'll always welcome you back. If you think you won the lottery, go ahead and take the money, it's yours. You've helped a lot of people here already, and that's honestly good enough.

 

[Silenos]

As much as I'd love for you to at least stick around in Offtopic, the only thing that truly matters here is making yourself top priority. If you feel hanging out here is bringing you down and distracting too much from your life, then you know what to do. I will miss you though.

Of course you could also limit your own access to the site without completely leaving, just to see what feels better. In any case I hope you manage to figure out what's best for you.

 

[JinZhin]

I'm relatively new to this site, so I can't say much, but your posts have definitely made me crack up so many times, they're genuinely witty. You do whatever you feel is the best for you. If that means leaving this site, then, by all means, you should do it. I wish you all the best whatever you decide!

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

You gotta do what you gotta do, just know that I (and evidently a lot of people) appreciate your presence. I don't think anyone here would fault you or begrudge you for successfully living life. Good luck, whatever you decide friendo.

 

[Julgran]

You are always welcome to keep posting in the Offtopic section for fun - if nothing else

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I'm no therapist, but I feel like the healthiest thing would be to disregard your personal feelings and stick around for the rest of us. Don't you love us?

 

[Grey-zoner]

I appreciate your presence here also. You have a way of snarky dialogue, of handling controversy, and gif-posting which only the adept know how. Not all prolific members here have your tact and humor.

 

[thinkkank]

if it really stresses you out you should take a break. I will say this, death isn't bad. if someone goes through with it they have ended their pain and are in peace. if your advice didn't stop them from CTBing that is nothing to be ashamed of. you did your best, and they decided to end their pain

 

[whatevs]

if it really stresses you out you should take a break. I will say this, death isn't bad. if someone goes through with it they have ended their pain and are in peace. if your advice didn't stop them from CTBing that is nothing to be ashamed of. you did your best, and they decided to end their pain

Death might not be "bad" but chatting or messaging with people that may CTB the next day is grim and stressful unless you have a similar disposition.

 

[callme]

I'm not sure why so hard on yourself. You have a life to live even if not ideal. You definitely don't have to be guilty, because we are trapped here. After all, it is what it is, isn't it too easy to blame somebody at all when there's so much more and it's too easy?

You have lots of feelings you need to vent. It doesn't get easier and could that be what irritates you and makes you feel exhausted by venting?

 

[Sanva]

i enjoy your posts a lot but you are not betraying anyone by doing what's best for you. i think i can speak for everyone here that I would much rather see you leave & go on to live a good life than someday have to read your goodbye thread because you thought you were obligated to stay in a place that makes you unhappy.

 

[Mr2005]

I really feel like forcing myself to disable my account by announcing I'm leaving SS. I don't know what I'm still doing here. I'm tired & scared of getting attached to people I can't help & losing them, that shit really hurts; I never want to be PM'd by anyone else again. I'm also tired of repeating myself. There are only so many things you can say to other members to try to comfort & support them before you start sounding like a fucking broken record. I get nothing out of venting; it just makes me feel worse. Why the hell is it so hard for me to leave? Why do I feel like I'd be betraying something? Wtf is this, am I experiencing some sort of survivor's guilt because I have a partner now & I'm not going to ctb in the foreseeable future? I'm just so disgusted with myself.

Yeah I know how you feel. You've offered a lot in a short space of time. There's only so much you can do before it destroys your own sanity. At least you can say you tried. A lot of people you've tried helping wouldn't do the same for you

 

[Torschlusspanik]

I've only been here a few days, I honestly don't think I can express a thought with the same depth as others or with the same "emotional interest", due to a matter of time and interaction mainly (although I have binged on your posts in a very short time).

Either way, in my opinion there is no real reason to feel guilty in this situation. One of my all-time favorite quotes reads:

"We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies—all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes."

I think it fits well with this community: we could exchange information, crack a smile on each other's faces, spend time together, but at the end of the day we're still on our own in what we want/need to do. So I don't think you can really betray anyone by leaving this place, at most you can do yourself a favor if you feel that this forum is now taking more out of you than it's giving.
Just my two cents, hope it's not inappropriate!

 

[FuneralCry]

You dont have to stay around here just because other people say so, it is your life and you should focus on what is best for yourself. I can imagine it must be devastating losing people, loss is a very painful emotion but it is simply inevitable in this life as we will all die eventually. I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm glad this was pointed out tbqh,

You might be more intelligent & eloquent than me, but I am definitely not your moral inferior.

 

[Dot]

U d/ nt owe n.e.thng 2 n.e.1 @motel rooms - jst as sme ppl wll shw up on th ste & thn ctb othrs wll shw up & recvr & mve on elswhre

U r a valud membr of th ste & slf hs alwys enjyd readng ur psts bt u hve 2 d/ wht = bst fr ur wll-bein

If th ste hlps u thn w/ cn cntinu 2 enjy ur cmpny - if th ste mkes u fl wrse thn a dffrnt frum or n/ frum @ all wld pssbly b bettr fr u

D wht wnt 4 u

 

[Chinaski]

You might be more intelligent & eloquent than me, but I am definitely not your moral inferior.

Well, you're half right l suppose.

 

[Gsvko]

If was great having you, I'm new and I don't really know you, but I'm glad you're better and wish you find another community better suited for your current needs. All the best
And oh please don't ever let anyone make you believe you're a monster. You seem very honest and aware and if someone doesn't appreciate it, they can buzz off. There are defo others who do and I hope you surround yourself with those in life