Venting I don't know if I am worth saving anymore.

[AlTheObviousAlien]

Over the past year I lost everyone I loved. Whether it be emotionally, mentally, physically or a combination; I have no one. I have no friends. I can't make friends. I literally don't know how. I can't talk to people normally. I am a fucking weirdo.

I have lost sister- emotionally then, mentally and physically.
My mom never was there for me emotionally or mentally so I stopped talking to her.
My fiance broke up with me and left me pregnant.
And I had two abortions. One because of financial issues. And this last one because my fiance broke up with me.

He was my last support, and my baby was the last thing I loved.

I am not normal. I don't know how to be normal. I second guess every thought and action I take I don't know what I believe in now. It's awful what my anxiety has done to me. Every waking moment I second guess every action I take. Everything I say. Everything I do. I am constantly debating myself about the simplest of things.

I can't carry a normal conversation. I don't know what to say to anyone because I don't know how they will react. I feel so hopeless in ever being able to find anyone ever. And if I do I am just going to question everything they say in ten folds because when I trusted someone; I was left pregnant and having to kill something I loved. (Getting an abortion)

I can't live with myself. I feel like I have always known I would end up alone and now that it's happened, I just want to die. I have no one. I deserve no one.

 

[Hollowman]

Sorry for your situation. I can't carry a normal conversion either so it's impossible to bond with anybody. I only have one person left that cares about me. When they're gone I'm out of here.

 

[AlTheObviousAlien]

Sorry for your situation. I can't carry a normal conversion either so it's impossible to bond with anybody. I only have one person left that cares about me. When they're gone I'm out of here.

That's where I'm at now. They're gone. I'm out.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm sorry for what happened to you, I know no words or actions can fix the pain In your heart. I wish life was better for everyone. I hope your able to find peace in life or death

 

[Hollowman]

That's where I'm at now. They're gone. I'm out.

I understand I'm sorry.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really awful and painful what you've had to endure, it's true that you cannot rely on other people. It's such a cruel existence where people suffer all through no fault of their own, it's certainly understandable wishing for freedom from all the suffering.