I don't know how to get my motivation back to get back to work and to treat my physical condition. Lost trust in doctors.

[Motoko]

I've always had some problems, both physical and psychological. But the biggest peak (or should I say bottom) was when I started to having problems with my intestines. I visited many doctors, both from public and private healthcare and I am still where I was. Since then, my depression and anxiety is worse than before.
I've always had problems with keeping my job, because after ~1 year I always end up being burnt from working. With this still undiagnosed "disease" it's even harder.
I lost trust in doctors. I gave up on everything, quit the job. I'm nowhere and stuck in a loop.
I can't stand living where I live and I want to move out. I want to get healthy. I want to have a job and stick to it. But all of that is too overwhelming. I don't trust anyone anymore.
Ctb would be just so much easier, but I don't have a gut to do it anyway.
I am scared of taking a risk. What if I get a job, move out, try again to visit all these doctors and it will get me nowhere. What if I won't ever be able to recover my gut. What if again I won't be able to keep a job. I already am having other psychological and physical problems that were there before, but somehow I got used to them and I was able to somewhat to cope with them. But not with this. It's too much and it's overwhelming. Risk is really high. So many people in my family end up the same: either jobless or with some disease. It's like a pathological fate running in my genes.

But still I have this 1% of will to try to get better. But 1% is not enough. I don't know what to do.

 

[nopointofliving]

I'm sorry for your pain, sending you waves of healing and love.

You don't need motivation, you only need to do the action. Try to start with baby steps and build up your routine slowly.
I understand you don't know what to do, we all feel lost and overwhelmed, in fact there are many things to do but we don't know where to start. I suggest you start from what you know. Maybe you want to take a walk daily, but it seems too much for you. Just break it down, say I will go to nearby market, and come back as quick as possible. And next time, you can build up on this goal and make it bigger and more efficient.
As you achieve these small steps, you will get the courage to do the big steps, and your routine will change gradually but certainly. Your small achievements will be your motivation to do something bigger. Remember, it isn't a shame to take rest when needed, and you resume when you reproduce your energy.

It shall be okay my friend, sending you hugs and much love <3

 

[wereqryan]

As someone who is suicidal primarily because of physical health issues, I feel you. The truth is, humanity is still very very far off from decoding the human body and figuring out solutions which means not every problem has a solution today. I had to accept this after trying to get my chronic reflux issues fixed for many years. Its been five years since my issues started and I still haven't been able to put it behind me and move on with life. It has single handedly destroyed my life and left me suicidal. I hope you find a solution soon for yourself, and if not, I hope you can find peace through other means.

 

[Motoko]

As someone who is suicidal primarily because of physical health issues, I feel you. The truth is, humanity is still very very far off from decoding the human body and figuring out solutions which means not every problem has a solution today. I had to accept this after trying to get my chronic reflux issues fixed for many years. Its been five years since my issues started and I still haven't been able to put it behind me and move on with life. It has single handedly destroyed my life and left me suicidal. I hope you find a solution soon for yourself, and if not, I hope you can find peace through other means.

I like this perspective. Just "let it be". I die when I die etc. :D