I don't have the courage

[Jengator]

Anyone who ever said a person who commits suicide is a coward is so full of crap. I can't bring myyself to doing it. My life has been so bad for over a year now as I'm fully disabled and getting worse by the day.

I have SN. Is meto all I need to successfully pull it off or is there something else I need?

Also, how do you find the courage and deal with the guilt if you feel like you don't have much of a choice any more and nobody else gives or crap or even seems like they want you gone?
Thank you.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

If you are reconsidering or afraid, perhaps you're not ready. Not dismissing you in any way, I can understand how the last decision you ever make can be scary.

Edit: For me, it will be SN, meto and valium to calm my nerves. I just have general anxiety so I'll need to be calm to pull through.

Here to talk. A PM away. x

 

[snorli]

So no acid reducer for the both of you?

 

[Rachel74]

If you are reconsidering or afraid, perhaps you're not ready. Not dismissing you in any way, I can understand how the last decision you ever make can be scary.

Edit: For me, it will be SN, meto and valium to calm my nerves. I just have general anxiety so I'll need to be calm to pull through.

Here to talk. A PM away. x

I agree, only be 100% sure

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

So no acid reducer for the both of you?

Well, I'll have prescribed ones. So will be using those as well. I haven't even picked them up yet. Pantoloc.

 

[Ame]

I don't think you are a coward for feeling anxious about following through,
although I can understand how you might feel frustrated with yourself.
Regardless of what you decide to do, I hope that you will be compassionate with you,
because you are worthy and deserve to treat yourself with kindness.

I am also leaning heavily toward the SN method and will be ordering the materials soon.
Aside from the "shopping" standard list, I am considering including anxiolytics
(quite a few euthanasia protocols include a dose of an anxiolytic but I need to research interaction with SN)
to take to help with anxiety and to dull my inhibitions.

As for the guilt, I am aware that it will be a bit hypocritical for someone like me to say,
but we need to accept that people will feel and what they feel. I think that the source of
a lot of the pain that we experience in our interpersonal relations is that we try to assume
what the other is thinking (and often project our own perceptions onto them)
and that we believe that we can somehow make someone feel something if we just "try hard enough".

Even if we have the best intentions, we cannot control what another person feels or thinks.

 

[Jengator]

I don't think I'll ever be ready or have enough courage. I don't want to die but I also can't stand the physical pain I'm in from my body attacking itself
I'm going to need help with courage somehow if it gets to the point where I literally can't function at all

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I don't think I'll ever be ready or have enough courage. I don't want to die but I also can't stand the physical pain I'm in from my body attacking itself
I'm going to need help with courage somehow if it gets to the point where I literally can't function at all

If you are ready, you will know. If you're not, that's okay too. You're only human. We don't expect you to make miracles or anything.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Anyone who ever said a person who commits suicide is a coward is so full of crap. I can't bring myyself to doing it. My life has been so bad for over a year now as I'm fully disabled and getting worse by the day.

I have SN. Is meto all I need to successfully pull it off or is there something else I need?

Also, how do you find the courage and deal with the guilt if you feel like you don't have much of a choice any more and nobody else gives or crap or even seems like they want you gone?
Thank you.

I know. Killing yourself has to be the hardest thing in life to do. I've been in severe pain for 14 years and have wanted to die every single day. But it's terrifying to think of and over this King it can make you not want to do it. What happens if the attempt fails? What if someone catches me? What if? What if? All the what ifs. I think you have to be incredibly brave and strong to say FU to life when you're in so much intolerable pain. You're not letting life control you. You're controlling life and you're taking control if your death. There are no cowards in this group.

And there is no need to back guilt if everyone you know doesn't give a shit about you or actually does want you gone.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I know. Killing yourself has to be the hardest thing in life to do. I've been in severe pain for 14 years and have wanted to die every single day. But it's terrifying to think of and over this King it can make you not want to do it. What happens if the attempt fails? What if someone catches me? What if? What if? All the what ifs. I think you have to be incredibly brave and strong to say FU to life when you're in so much intolerable pain. You're not letting life control you. You're controlling life and you're taking control if your death. There are no cowards in this group.

And there is no need to back guilt if everyone you know doesn't give a shit about you or actually does want you gone.

Very well said...

 

[Jengator]

I'll be honest...I only care about my 2 kids and the people I've met in these online support groups support groups, as some of you know, the only people who seem to truly care.. but it's my kids where the guilt comes from. I picture them growing up without me and it hurts so much. But everyone else in my family who downplays my suffering. Even has the fucking nerve to compare their ailments to mine. I don't leave the house or walk much and I hear "yeah I have leg pain too" fuck them
I'm debating going for experimental treatments like stem cells. It scares me but I'm trying to find the courage. Someone I know did it and the stem cells went to her brain and her brain now burns 24/7. It would be a long 3000 Mile trip for me and treatments that could make me even worse