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darkwater

Experienced
Apr 17, 2021
247
I didn't sign up here for fun, but with the intention to go through with it. But I am still here. In the meantime, I talked to people who are no longer here. I ordered SN and yet have gained the certainty that I will never take it. And yes failed with full suspension hanging. How do I find the courage to try again and end this endless misery?
 
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Reactions: Interloper, Journeytoletgo, Endex and 6 others
E

EndIsNigh

Member
Jun 2, 2021
21
Can totally relate to this. Have N (had for the past year now,) and the thought of actually taking those steps is terrifying. But I desperately want to go through with it.
 
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Reactions: Endex, The_Flying_Fox, DerTod and 1 other person
A

Advisor321

Student
Jun 3, 2022
118
Can totally relate to this. Have N (had for the past year now,) and the thought of actually taking those steps is terrifying. But I desperately want to go through with it.

I would love to be in situation where I have N.
If I were you I would do that very slow. Wrote all steps before taking N.
 
wljourney

wljourney

Waiting for the bus
Apr 2, 2022
1,419
I didn't sign up here for fun, but with the intention to go through with it. But I am still here. In the meantime, I talked to people who are no longer here. I ordered SN and yet have gained the certainty that I will never take it. And yes failed with full suspension hanging. How do I find the courage to try again and end this endless misery?
I would assume that one of the reasons is that you still have a glimmer of hope.
It might feel like a hurdle. Something standing in your way, but it's not a bad thing. Just means you aren't quite ready yet.

I keep having those moments too. And of course the responsibility of caring for my very senior dog.

I think once he is gone, the decision will get easier.
 
Mr. Incapable

Mr. Incapable

Also inadequate, incompetent, weak & powerless
Jun 21, 2022
175
I've been planning and trying for the last year and a half, although I've had suicidal ideation and previous attempts long before that. Every time I backed out and couldn't go through with it. You're not alone. It's not easy by any means.. I'm not giving up though..
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
42,427
Suicide really is so difficult after all and I think that if it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. In my case I am trapped in this world because of fear of failing ctb and limited access to methods. I know that it is so awful desperately wanting to be free from all suffering yet feeling as though you are unable to leave. I wish that there was a way to just peacefully pass away without having to go through the process of planning ctb. I have suffered for too long at this point and I deserve to be at peace. Being alive feels extremely pointless. I'm sorry that you are in this situation.
 
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Reactions: Tortured Existence
DerTod

DerTod

No alarms and no surprises
Apr 17, 2022
136
Can totally relate to this. Have N (had for the past year now,) and the thought of actually taking those steps is terrifying. But I desperately want to go through with it.
You'll go through with it when the time is right. Be happy you have N. You are a very privileged person. If i had N i would smile and kiss those bottles every day.
 
Atlantian

Atlantian

Member
May 25, 2022
69
No one can answer that question but you. You know why you don't want go do it. All the answers lie inside your head. You just have to do some thinking. From there, the choice becomes much easier.
 

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