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I don’t feel man enough.
Thread starterParnate
Start date
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I was a very feminine kid, I was bullied and teased a lot for it. Today I am always anxious to not act feminine . Social media makes me more insecure and uncomfortable as i feel insufficient whenever i see masculine men.
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cowboypants, Mocha, Anonymousa and 4 others
I also feel like worthless around masculine men. I'm more of a book-smart geek, sometimes accidentally speaking or behaving in what is perceived as an effeminate manner. I feel 100% male internally. But although my dad never said it, he let me know in many ways how disappointed he was in me. He was a standard sturdy broad shouldered type, I'm thin and weak, and in subtle ways he expressed concern about my "development". He asked sideways questions about my friends which seemed weird to me at the time but now I see he was trying to find out if I was gay. He could have just talked to me. But yeah, I get where you're coming from. It's popular at this moment in history to say "well you're just gay or trans, accept it and celebrate it" but if that's not who you are, then.... it's tough no matter what.
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avoid, cowboypants, Anonymousa and 3 others
Yeah being bullied for being fem probably cooked you... Uhm u might have like lingering trauma cbt or like some other therapy may be able to help with :p
Also not using social media will like instantly boost ur self confidence by x3 like a month after u stop using it. Or at least it did for me.
Tbf while i was a man i was like unsurprisingly unconcerned with my masculinity.... Uhm what am i even talking about. I'm not even a guy i shouldn't be here
Reactions:
eggsausagerice, cemeteryismyhome and Parnate
I also feel like worthless around masculine men. I'm more of a book-smart geek, sometimes accidentally speaking or behaving in what is perceived as an effeminate manner. I feel 100% male internally. But although my dad never said it, he let me know in many ways how disappointed he was in me. He was a standard sturdy broad shouldered type, I'm thin and weak, and in subtle ways he expressed concern about my "development". He asked sideways questions about my friends which seemed weird to me at the time but now I see he was trying to find out if I was gay. He could have just talked to me. But yeah, I get where you're coming from. It's popular at this moment in history to say "well you're just gay or trans, accept it and celebrate it" but if that's not who you are, then.... it's tough no matter what.
I think people are also quick to label a thing as being "masculine" or "feminine" either for the sake of labeling or because of social stigma.
On the one hand, people like to say "men and men evolved" some particular way because it was beneficial to survival and now that behavior is ingrained... but then there are LOTS of those same behaviors not at all considered socially acceptable in modern society. So, which is it? We are what we are because we evolved that way or we can change to fit the needs of the modern environment?
I don't consider myself masculine, compared to what society seems to define as masculine. But I'm far from feminine. Some of my thought processes might be described as more like how women think, but I don't see those things as masculine or feminine. Our bodies are different, our biologies are different, we play different roles in procreation... but our minds are way more similar than they are different.
It's popular at this moment in history to say "well you're just gay or trans, accept it and celebrate it" but if that's not who you are, then.... it's tough no matter what.
It seems that unmasculine men cannot exist without being scrutinized from all sides. People seem to think there is something about you that they can correct with their ideology. I find it counterintuitive because it leads to increased discomfort instead of any sort of resolution.
Instead of bodybuilding or taking cross sex hormones some of us just want to be left alone.
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Parnate, Anonymousa and cemeteryismyhome
Don't worry about what some wankers think is best for you. You don't need to be feminine nor masculine actually, both are social constructs made because of inferiority complexes over hundreds of years, just do your thing. Fuck everyone else. Even if you can't care now and it's still on your mind, at least pretend not to care.
Yea its terrible the social standards put onto men in how they should look or act. Fluff restrictive traditional gender roles. Its awful cus of your gender how you are preferred to be a certain way.
In modern society, women are like "I don't need a man because I have my own career and can support myself and buy all the things, what does a man do for me?" Meanwhile, men are like "I don't need a woman because I can cook and clean and take care of myself, what does a woman do for me?"
And it's like... somehow... people have uniformly forgot that partnerships aren't supposed to be to get stuff done that you can't do. I mean, that can work if you can't do something at all and your partner can... but those are few and far between. The more likely scenario is that you both can survive on your own, but in order to thrive and enjoy life, the combination of you both sharing the load and responsibilities is what makes it work.
I can cook, she can cook... which means either of us can cook... so on that day when work really kicked your ass but you still need to eat, your partner can have your back. And when your partner gets their wind taken from their sails, you're there for them.
You shouldn't feeel ashamed of you want to be feminine or masculine.
Ofc society is really hypocritical, telling you to be yourself by also making fun of people with different interests. Fr what's it up with that?
If you wanna wear a skirt then wear one of you wanna wear idk leather pants do so! People should have the right to go out on the streets and just wear what they want.
Ofc if someone tells you that hey maybe that doesnt suit you but gives you different options then is not a attack.
Since an experience growing up, I can't help but have a part of me that sways fem, a femboy if you will. It helps me gain self confidence and my gf is really supportive. She's the only person that knows and I fear I would be outcast should i tell my loved ones, or should they find out. I haven't told my friends in fear of what they might say. My gf makes me so comfortable and is so encouraging, she's really the best! But I sometimes fear that she might see me as a lesser man.
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