Help I don't feel like I'm recovering

[astamyr]

I just want to say that my situation may be better than others
And I apologize to those who were in more hopeless dead ends
Just wonder i'm not completely pathetic

My wife broke up with me 3 months ago, I've been with her since I was 17 and now I'm 32
I was in a depressive episode before the breakup and this served as a starting point
In other spheres of my life, I achieved the goals I wanted
I have friends, a good job, my own place, a car, a motorcycle, I have a lot of free time for my hobbies
I don't have any serious illnesses

But I've lost all will to live

All the objective advantages of my life mean nothing to me now
It seems the only reason I couldn't hang in a noose a month ago is the hope of a relationship restoration, but I understand that there are no real reasons why this could happen and I drive myself into even more hell by allowing my brain to believe in these illusions

I really want to see some way to recovery, but all I think about is the day when I finally make myself die.

I'm so disgusted and sorry, I would like to give everything I have to a more worthy and stronger person who really fights his demons and leave peacefully without causing anyone any inconvenience

I feel guilty towards the people on this resource who suffer from terminal illnesses, who are left alone or without any job, who have been abused, who have been rejected by their family or society

I will be grateful for any advice.

I wish you all hope

I also apologize for the English, I used a translator

 

[LittleJem]

I would give this more time if you can - and perhaps some medication. Even though this heartbreak must be so hard, you have so much time to see if another love is out there in future. If you are feeling this suicidal get help from doctor and therapist asap.

 

[chloramine]

Losing someone that close is crushing. You don't need to have the worst situation in order for your pain to be real and valid.

I don't know if I can offer anything helpful, but try to take it one day at a time. Focus on your other relationships and consider speaking to a therapist.

 

[astamyr]

I would give this more time if you can - and perhaps some medication. Even though this heartbreak must be so hard, you have so much time to see if another love is out there in future. If you are feeling this suicidal get help from doctor and therapist asap.

Losing someone that close is crushing. You don't need to have the worst situation in order for your pain to be real and valid.

I don't know if I can offer anything helpful, but try to take it one day at a time. Focus on your other relationships and consider speaking to a therapist.

Thank you so much for support
I was unable to reply to you in time due to the guilt I wrote about

I found the strength to call a psychiatrist, not just a psychologist
The day after tomorrow I'm going to a session and I hope I can tell everything that I feel, including about my suicidal moods and preparation, although I'm afraid of this
Although I hope this isn't the way to psychward, part of me thinks it might be needed if the doctor decides so

This probably means that I still want to exist, but I can't figure out how to help myself. I just really don't understand how to cope with this, coz, that's my first experience at 32yo, what a fkn joke. Pathetic

 

[JustAGuy]

Know that it's probably gonna be shitty for a while, there's no guarantee you're gonna feel better even after a 100 years but, just try your best to avoid being blinded by your sadness and depression, you've lost one important thing to you which really REALLY suck.
But it's important to find some way to cope that doesn't hurt others, I have no recommendations but I hear exercise is good.
It'll hurt, probably alot, but don't let her drag you back, allow yourself to wallow in sadness, but do not be dragged down by it, just keep moving forward, slowly if you must, but move.
Wish you luck and take your time, much love my friend

 

[HighFlight]

Glad to hear you were able to get in with someone so quickly. Not sure about where you are, but in New York, this wouldn't lead to an in-patient / psychward treatment, unless you were an immanent danger to yourself or others. (Again, not sure if that is a standard thing, or if we don't have enough mental health providers to expand the use on in-patient treatment.)

I can't offer you much beyond what the other have already said. Give yourself time to grieve the loss, and focus on the positive aspects of your life. And I'd suggest you don't minimize how you feel, or try to compare your issues with other people's issues. You feel the way you feel, and it's great that you can express it and are seeking help.

Wishing you the best of luck.

 

[astamyr]

thank you very much for such support, I must say how pleasantly shocked I am by your participation. I feel like I should try to cope just because you wrote it here.
Every day I think about how good it would be just not to wake up tomorrow and what it would be like to simply cease to exist.
but now i think i have to help myself to be able to help someone with kind words like you do to me

I will update this thread

thanks to you

 

[astamyr]

I'll just leave it here

I've felt better a couple of times in the last week. For an hour or so, only an hour, but it's more than it was before.

I still have everything I need for ctb. It calms me down in my darkest moments, showing me that I have a way out.

But I seem to start seeing some nice things again

Your words certainly played a role in this.