I know that this life can be unbearable when you are desperate to leave. I'm sorry that you are in so much pain. I also want nothing to do with this life, I wish that I never existed in the first place. This life really can be torture and I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens.
Thanks. I do prefer a less painful method but I know that'll never come so I just bite down on the towel
No one here can make your life easier
No shit, I knew that from the start.
Anything before 2022 does not exist to me anymore, including others and attachments that was wrong to be a thing in the first place me.
Posting here for some reason was more of a dumping ground in pass downtime for me. I did like my gallery thread since i could visually sync my varying inspirations, which I recently recovered from my cloud after removing it from my hard drive later my last failed suicide attempt.
at this point i could feel ok with ctb and not feeling like i left something undone or unfinished because i keep still a lot of things untold private. the root is that i've lost the last thing able to keep me here or care for this life.
fk,quintin/ryan, after leaving that industry we just wanted to live our life of our choice, yeah we chose to do it, but that does mean
Of course I haven't told team mates about me; ctb, cant do that ever. suicide has been a part of me, one step behind for so long
I'm not feeling happy, im not fluctuating, never was, I've just gotten good at hiding and repressing it, and the only others who understood me on the same level, are gone.
The only time I can say I was actually, happy was a little ago with Quintin and Ryan but paths diverged since and no, I dont even want to think about it.
It was the same time I was working with Sandstorm. alright enough reminiscing on the past; will only halt ctb longer. being alone ever since offline is what matters. things online dont make me not alone. because i am. the feeling i had then is gone.
Right now's another downtime for me. I'm not depressed or feeling it, nor do I like labels. I'm having trouble ctb because of how long its taking; the longer I'm alive the more pain accumulates, simple. I'm slowly fighting through the pain of vsed and sh and other methods because immediate methods aren't available to me.
If I ever was to see them, I'd now have wear long sleeves too. these methods are too slow, and the downtime is killing me, sadly not physically and hear i am back here again just passing the time.
