segasonicexe

segasonicexe

Member
Aug 20, 2024
16
It's as simple as the title. i dont think anything exists. I don't know if you could call it an insane delusion or what not but to me it's the truth of the world around me. Allow me to explain myself here.

What do we base our existence off? Sounds and sights? Emotions, sensations like touch, taste and all that? Well all of these have one thing in common. They're not actually there in the real world but rather created by the brain. sounds aren't sound, they're waves. Same with colour, it's simply the different wavelengths of light being interpreted as different "colour." Our perceptions of these waves are completely made up, and in my opinion completely unreliable. There are more waves on the EM spectrum than we can see, more sounds out there too high or low pitch for us to hear, that kind of thing. And on top of that, even illusions play into this.

Even so, at the end of the day someone might tell me that i have my own consciousness. Well lets look at that from a strictly factual stance. After all, facts don't care about my feelings. For one everything about my consciousness is based off of these completely made up senses, the existence of my consciousness is based off falsehood after falsehood. But it goes deeper than that. Every day a person will have to go through making decision after decision. Well what are these decisions based off of? To put it simply, your brain. Every single thing you can, will or ever have thought is already there. And the very pathway you go through in life is completely pre-determined simply by the fact that each and every cell in your brain is already connected and already has only a certain amount of electrical current in it. The circuitry there is already there. There is n cosmic force deciding these things, just you, and at a factual base, you are just a thing. a very complex thing yes but still a thing. Think of it like a video game. I'm not saying that every single jump and press of the d-pad is pre-determined im just saying the programming is already in place, and im sorry to tell you but Mario just can't fly. I came to this website.

Why did i come here? I'll tell you, because a specific current triggered the circuitry required to make my arms do this. I am not alive, nothing is. But im not dead either. No, instead I'm but a thing. And sure you could call this thing complex, but at the end of the day, there are billions of things just like be designed to create more things. From the very inception of reproduction, the existence of more complex things was inevitable simply by the fact that they last longer. And sure, My being has reach a level of complexity that allows it to experience culture and feeling, but at the end of the day, just because something looks like one thing, doesn't truly make it that thing.

and so why should care about living a life that i myself doubt the existence of? Why should i bother if i cannot even acknowlage my own sentience?
 
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Plentiful_Despair

Plentiful_Despair

Experienced
Aug 23, 2024
265
I can't give you a reason to live, but I know definetely that the brain and feelings is not pre-determined, I felt incredibly alive as a child and was full of joy, just happy for no reason sometimes, smiling and looking at the world around me, and since age 10 I just feel more and more dead and soulless every year because I can't comprehend the evil nature of this world anymore. Everything about society is made to enslave the free will, thats why you probably feel like everythings determined, because once you're an adult it actually kinda feels like living on a rail like a train, if you made the wrong choice of path or had bad luck you can't get off anymore.
 
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segasonicexe

segasonicexe

Member
Aug 20, 2024
16
I can't give you a reason to live, but I know definetely that the brain and feelings is not pre-determined, I felt incredibly alive as a child and was full of joy, just happy for no reason sometimes, smiling and looking at the world around me, and since age 10 I just feel more and more dead and soulless every year because I can't comprehend the evil nature of this world anymore. Everything about society is made to enslave the free will, thats why you probably feel like everythings determined, because once you're an adult it actually kinda feels like living on a rail like a train, if you made the wrong choice of path or had bad luck you can't get off anymore.

i dunno. Every cell and connection is already there. Even though connections are weakened and strengthened, but what determines that weakening and strengthening? other cells connections making "you" do things. I felt better as a kid too, however, I'd say i was never really great. many talk about childhood like it's the best time in their lives, and it hurts to know that ill just never have that. thats another issue though. i just don't care. I'm on the cusp of adulthood, and in your analogy it's time for me to choose what rail i want to travel. Personally, I'd rather just derail
 
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Plentiful_Despair

Plentiful_Despair

Experienced
Aug 23, 2024
265
i dunno. Every cell and connection is already there. Even though connections are weakened and strengthened, but what determines that weakening and strengthening? other cells connections making "you" do things. I felt better as a kid too, however, I'd say i was never really great. many talk about childhood like it's the best time in their lives, and it hurts to know that ill just never have that. thats another issue though. i just don't care. I'm on the cusp of adulthood, and in your analogy it's time for me to choose what rail i want to travel. Personally, I'd rather just derail
Yeah, derailing definetely seems the best choice in this world, because at the end of the track its always suffering in endless ways. Thats also what many old people in my family told me throughout my life, that it's not worth it. My grandpa hanged himself when I was 12. I wish I had the courage to just end it, but my survival instinct is strong because of my current situation...I'm without work, watching shows or playing games 24/7, always occupied my brain with something, but even that feels like suffering more and more. Especially multiplayer games I can't handle it anymore, being yelled at through the voicechat and insulted, I feel like 90 % of gamers these days are insane
 
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segasonicexe

segasonicexe

Member
Aug 20, 2024
16
Yeah, derailing definetely seems the best choice in this world, because at the end of the track its always suffering in endless ways. Thats also what many old people in my family told me throughout my life, that it's not worth it. My grandpa hanged himself when I was 12. I wish I had the courage to just end it, but my survival instinct is strong because of my current situation...I'm without work, watching shows or playing games 24/7, always occupied my brain with something, but even that feels like suffering more and more. Especially multiplayer games I can't handle it anymore, being yelled at through the voicechat and insulted, I feel like 90 % of gamers these days are insane
I' sorry to hear about your grandfather. By the sounds of things, you grew up surrounded by this mindset. It's no wonder things ended up how they did for you, and i deeply sympathize for you. My survival instinct is really high too, i get a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about CTB, but it's really my best option. However my friends, wanting desperately to transition and sonic the hedgehog (im obsessed with Sonic hedgehog!! :DDD) really do make it hard for me to just walk away.

As for multiplayer games, I'd stay away from them if i were you, those communities can get really toxic really fast
 
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Plentiful_Despair

Plentiful_Despair

Experienced
Aug 23, 2024
265
I' sorry to hear about your grandfather. By the sounds of things, you grew up surrounded by this mindset. It's no wonder things ended up how they did for you, and i deeply sympathize for you. My survival instinct is really high too, i get a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about CTB, but it's really my best option. However my friends, wanting desperately to transition and sonic the hedgehog (im obsessed with Sonic hedgehog!! :DDD) really do make it hard for me to just walk away.

As for multiplayer games, I'd stay away from them if i were you, those communities can get really toxic really fast
I notice that life just feels more and more pointless with every passing month, I'm 22 and feel so fucking old, I'm always tired and sleep more than my 60 year old father... It's not just my immediate relations with the surrounding world that makes me suicidal, its the fact that every creature is destined to suffer and die. Imagine never being born...no one was ever bothered by not existing. Billions of years of blissfull non-existence
 
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B

badtothebone

Experienced
Aug 20, 2024
251
I notice that life just feels more and more pointless with every passing month, I'm 22 and feel so fucking old, I'm always tired and sleep more than my 60 year old father... It's not just my immediate relations with the surrounding world that makes me suicidal, its the fact that every creature is destined to suffer and die. Imagine never being born...no one was ever bothered by not existing. Billions of years of blissfull non-existence

I feel the same! I keep thinking about my beautiful 2 children that's why I'm still here..
 
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