I don’t and do want to die but also want to make a point, any half assed methods that are easy and have a low success rate?

[loserr]

I want to do a low to no success attempt because I still have a chance to die but if not it would show everyone the negative feeling I have without having to say anything. It sounds much easier to do then communicating for me personally but it it kind of a far stretch? Trying to only have a chance to CTB sounds counter intuitive and almost disrespectful to those who go full in. Also there is physical damage that could happen with some methods. I think it's out of reach but any ideas?

 

[tweaka2x]

I want to do a low to no success attempt because I still have a chance to die but if not it would show everyone the negative feeling I have without having to say anything. It sounds much easier to do then communicating for me personally but it it kind of a far stretch? Trying to only have a chance to CTB sounds counter intuitive and almost disrespectful to those who go full in. Also there is physical damage that could happen with some methods. I think it's out of reach but any ideas?

Overdose on otc drugs (benzedrex,benadryl,delsym)

 

[loserr]

Is that super noticeable? Like will I pass out for an extended period of time or have a bad stomach pain for a while? Sounds pretty good if those are the effects, if so any recommended amounts and dosages?

 

[DarkFriend.]

Decapitation could work. Then you could be like one of those heads in Futurama where you're in a vat and talking through some sort of electronic speaker system.

People will be aware of your pain, at least...


[On a serious note, the classic ways to do this are ODing on cheap drugs like (easily accessible) pills and alcohol, and wrist cutting the improper way (sideways) and passing out in a warm bath. Neither of which are ways I recommend since they can involve an incredible amount of pain, and will only succeed in people wanting to restrict your freedoms.]

 

[loserr]

I am honk my parents might really only get me a therapist, I don't have a tub and the knife I use for cutting is too sharp so I don't do it often or deep at all. Trying to OD is a little nerve racking because of the pain that would come after. I don't have a lot of options which isn't really fun. :(

 

[Sad Avocado]

One of the most low success rate methods is cutting (if done to the wrist and not a deep cut) because it's easy to seek for help and there's plenty of time and it's easy to stop the blood. Drug overdosing causes tons of complications many times.

 

[squirley]

So you want to do this as a "cry for help" type thing ?
Or are you just pissed off at your parents?

Or you want to SH ?
By a botched OD. On cough syrup or something?
Or partial hang ?
Cutting?
Alcohol poison?

idk what is going on in your life. Whatever it is sorry it brought you here.
I would say try the recovery threads and maybe you can find something to help you communicate " the negative feeling "

Are you on meds ? Therapy ?

Instead of being knocked out , puking , bleeding or whatever else.
probably go hospital,
hopefully they won't hold you on a safety watch and then force meds on you.


Either way good luck with whatever you choose this is just me thinking out loud and from experience.

 

[loserr]

One of the most low success rate methods is cutting (if done to the wrist and not a deep cut) because it's easy to seek for help and there's plenty of time and it's easy to stop the blood. Drug overdosing causes tons of complications many times.

That's really helpful, do you recommend any kinds of knives that make it less painful and easier to cut?

So you want to do this as a "cry for help" type thing ?
Or are you just pissed off at your parents?

Or you want to SH ?
By a botched OD. On cough syrup or something?
Or partial hang ?
Cutting?
Alcohol poison?

idk what is going on in your life. Whatever it is sorry it brought you here.
I would say try the recovery threads and maybe you can find something to help you communicate " the negative feeling "

Are you on meds ? Therapy ?

Instead of being knocked out , puking , bleeding or whatever else.
probably go hospital,
hopefully they won't hold you on a safety watch and then force meds on you.

It's a little hard to explain the idea in my head. I have this thing where being happy is an extremely annoying and pestering feeling. I hate a LOT of things, like the bright sun or when anyone talks in any way at all, I usually wake up to both of those or my alarm when it's not school which is… horrible to say the least. I really hate everyone because it feels like they aren't like me at all and act so annoying that I don't even want to try to communicate how I feel because I mess it up. Not on any meds or therapy. I honestly kind of would rather be in a hospital because it sounds quieter and I wouldn't have to do anything at all all day. Hopefully they wouldn't force anything on me because that would suck ass. If bad hospital ehh if good probably ykyk.

 

[DarkFriend.]

Please don't hurt yourself. Instead, couldn't you do something like write about how you feel? Or dress in a certain way? Hell, even isolating yourself is probably better than harming yourself to get this point across.

Please remember that this is one of the things SanctionedSuicide is for! To talk about these negative feelings, without holding back. Please feel free to let it all out here.

This is a place where you will not be judged.

Suicide is one thing, but it's clear that you want to remain here for now... which is great. And I know it's difficult at times, but don't make it more torturous on yourself by worsening your quality of life out of spite.

 

[loserr]

Please don't hurt yourself. Instead, couldn't you do something like write about how you feel? Or dress in a certain way? Hell, even isolating yourself is probably better than harming yourself to get this point across.

Please remember that this is one of the things SanctionedSuicide is for! To talk about these negative feelings, without holding back. Please feel free to let it all out here.

This is a place where you will not be judged.

Suicide is one thing, but it's clear that you want to remain here for now... which is great. And I know it's difficult at times, but don't make it more torturous on yourself by worsening your quality of life out of spite.

I want the "quality of life" to worsen in general because I hate being happy. Letting emotions flow out is a way of coping and I don't care for it that much most times.

 

[squirley]

That's really helpful, do you recommend any kinds of knives that make it less painful and easier to cut?

??? I'm not going to answer this one...
what do YOU think the answer ro this is.

It's a little hard to explain the idea in my head. I have this thing where being happy is an extremely annoying and pestering feeling.

Ok I hear you. Thats a shitty feeling. And something to have in your head.
But dude. you just communicated it. Ez.
Write that down and give it to whomever.
What if you cut your self and hit a artery by mistake.

I hate a LOT of things, like the bright sun or when anyone talks in any way at all, I usually wake up to both of those or my alarm when it's not school which is… horrible to say the least.

There are far more horrible things out there then the sun and an alarm clock unfortunately.

I really hate everyone because it feels like they aren't like me at all and act so annoying that I don't even want to try to communicate how I feel because I mess it up.

well what you said up there was communicated very well. As is this. You definitely did not mess it up. If it comes down to anxiety or talking. Just write it down. And I'm not saying to be happy or to be mad. Whatever it might be.
Just the fact you communicated it. No matter the result.

Not on any meds or therapy.

I see. I think most would say give it a shot before slicing your arm open?
Considering you don't want to ctb 100%.
Which is a good thing. Others might argue that. But in this case I would say.

I honestly kind of would rather be in a hospital because it sounds quieter and I wouldn't have to do anything at all all day.

They would only keep you on a 24hr or 42hr hold. Depending on the situation.
that's how it works here anyway.
Definitely not quieter.
You would still need to do things.

Hopefully they wouldn't force anything on me because that would suck ass. If bad hospital ehh if good probably ykyk.

Depending on the situation.
I've been given meds for
panic attacks/antipsychotic
And withdrawls in the past.

I want the "quality of life" to worsen in general because I hate being happy. Letting emotions flow out is a way of coping and I don't care for it that much most times.

You hate being happy. So you're happy right now ?
Take a poop in your pants. Quality of life will worsen immediately.

 

[loserr]

??? I'm not going to answer this one...
what do YOU think the answer ro this is.

Ok I hear you. Thats a shitty feeling. And something to have in your head.
But dude. you just communicated it. Ez.
Write that down and give it to whomever.
What if you cut your self and hit a artery by mistake.

There are far more horrible things out there then the sun and an alarm clock unfortunately.

well what you said up there was communicated very well. As is this. You definitely did not mess it up. If it comes down to anxiety or talking. Just write it down. And I'm not saying to be happy or to be mad. Whatever it might be.
Just the fact you communicated it. No matter the result.

I see. I think most would say give it a shot before slicing your arm open?
Considering you don't want to ctb 100%.
Which is a good thing. Others might argue that. But in this case I would say.

They would only keep you on a 24hr or 42hr hold. Depending on the situation.
that's how it works here anyway.
Definitely not quieter.
You would still need to do things.

Depending on the situation.
I've been given meds for
panic attacks/antipsychotic
And withdrawls in the past.

You hate being happy. So you're happy right now ?
Take a poop in your pants. Quality of life will worsen immediately.

It's not just my alarm or sun that I hate obviously. There are way more things. When I say I don't like being happy it doesn't mean I don't like somewhat feeling comfort I wouldn't like to be getting thrown down a river drowning fearing for my life I would rather just be put down and ignored by people. What I meant by not being able to communicate it is if I could communicate it fully and while that does sound like a pretty good summary it will never hit right. If I were to cut I would make sure I missed vital spots and might do it more closer to my fore arm but still where my wrist kind of is. There are a lot more feelings and thoughts I experience besides hatred or anger that are very frightening somewhat dreadful deeply depressing etc. I communicate it less irl because like I said earlier (I think I said it ) I find it hard to communicate with others because I feel like they won't understand and reply correctly. I'm afraid to share in general everywhere for that same reason but a little less online because there are more people from different groups and places with different experiences. There are also feelings I don't know how to communicate because they feel so out of place and otherworldly. I tried to talk about one with a partner and they were only trying to calm me down instead of taking it at face value and understanding.

 

[squirley]

Sorry I didn't reply right away I was dealing with this one guy that keeps telling people to ctb with not proven methods. Huge post. Took me a little. Ate some spicy noodles too.

It's not just my alarm or sun that I hate obviously. There are way more things.

I know i know. It was just an example.

When I say I don't like being happy it doesn't mean I don't like somewhat feeling comfort

Ah ok ok. That explains a little more.

I wouldn't like to be getting thrown down a river drowning fearing for my life

Makes sense. Doesn't sound fun.

I would rather just be put down and ignored by people.

Eg(put down) - a guy or girl saying you're crap you're stupid ? Something like that? Is it like a kink type thing? You like it ?
And I can stand being ignored by people. Everyone has there reason for that. Mine was just staying focused on my self because i had a hard time saying no.
or even being picked on.

What I meant by not being able to communicate it is if I could communicate it fully and while that does sound like a pretty good summary it will never hit right.

How will you know it won't hit right?
Unless your try.
I can understand maybe with both parents there.
But maybe try just 1.
Or maybe in private with 1 older sibling. And just breath and say hey gotta talk about this.
Hand over paper.

If I were to cut I would make sure I missed vital spots and might do it more closer to my fore arm but still where my wrist kind of is.

SH I can't really comment on. I did this with years of partying/fighting/sober/med/life
Not the cut my self kind of stuff. I know some people find comfort in it. But regret the scars.
I know the cut would be to say hey look somethings wrong here. But it could have a snowball affect.

There are a lot more feelings and thoughts I experience besides hatred or anger that are very frightening somewhat dreadful deeply depressing etc.

Well it's good you recognize that. Really. Some people spend a life time trying to figure that out. Including my self. This is were a therapist may be able to help.

I communicate it less irl because like I said earlier (I think I said it ) I find it hard to communicate with others because I feel like they won't understand and reply correctly.

I'm just speaking from personal experience.
This is called self thought.Coming up with the conclusion before you know.
Certain people may not understand. True. But their are people who will.
And to reply correctly is a little vague. This means you have expectations.
it's better if people don't say what you want to hear always. Like a "yes man"
It will help give you a different perspective on the situation.

I'm afraid to share in general everywhere

Yah there is a time and place for sure.
And with whom.

for that same reason but a little less online because there are more people from different groups and places with different experiences.

yah that makes sense. That's why I'm here as well everyone has different experiences.

There are also feelings I don't know how to communicate because they feel so out of place and otherworldly.

it might seem that way to you. But just believe me when I say you're not the only one.

I tried to talk about one with a partner and they were only trying to calm me down instead of taking it at face value and understanding.

I'm not sure of the exact situation. Was it very intense . Drugs . Booze. Panic attack? Maybe the partner was overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle the things being said. Therefor couldn't help exactly. For me.this is were writing it down and sitting both people breath not heat in the moment. Hard to communicate.
Not sure if you can yet but you can DM me if you want , or check out the recovery resources as well. Im only saying this because you sound like a younger version of my self as cheesy as that is to say. And just so you know there are other options available then just slicing away.
In the end it's your choice and I'll respect that.

 

[Sad Avocado]

That's really helpful, do you recommend any kinds of knives that make it less painful and easier to cut?

It's a little hard to explain the idea in my head. I have this thing where being happy is an extremely annoying and pestering feeling. I hate a LOT of things, like the bright sun or when anyone talks in any way at all, I usually wake up to both of those or my alarm when it's not school which is… horrible to say the least. I really hate everyone because it feels like they aren't like me at all and act so annoying that I don't even want to try to communicate how I feel because I mess it up. Not on any meds or therapy. I honestly kind of would rather be in a hospital because it sounds quieter and I wouldn't have to do anything at all all day. Hopefully they wouldn't force anything on me because that would suck ass. If bad hospital ehh if good probably ykyk.

I stongly reccomend you to not hurt yourself. Sometimes it becomes an addiction (it easier than you think). I am personally thinking about doing it but not having the balls right now (if you know what i mean) but please at least try therapy. Maybe it will work out for you, maybe it won't. For me it didn't work out but at least I tried everything in my power. So please before doing something you will surely regret try to reach out to a psychiatrist and see how that goes. I am doing terribly right now but I wish you the best, try to listen to my advice.

 

[Roses_and_clouds]

I want to do a low to no success attempt because I still have a chance to die but if not it would show everyone the negative feeling I have without having to say anything. It sounds much easier to do then communicating for me personally but it it kind of a far stretch? Trying to only have a chance to CTB sounds counter intuitive and almost disrespectful to those who go full in. Also there is physical damage that could happen with some methods. I think it's out of reach but any ideas?

I made something that was harmless+ made my point. I simply screamed my lungs out, without stopping, just screaming. Didn't stop, i just screamed 5-10 minutes non stop. Everyone thought i have gone crazy, then i started sobbing and looked at the wall with no emotions on my face. Do not respond if they call you. Just be sure that everyone you're trying to make a point is around you. Then go lay down, sleep.

İf it doesn't work, stop talking. Trust me, i have done this, it worked for me

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm not sure that threads like this are what this section of the forum is for, this is a pro-choice suicide forum supporting the decision of the individual to end their own existence, it's not a self harm, suicide gesture forum. If people don't really want to die but instead just want "help", then there's the recovery section for those people. But if you want to attempt "methods" that very obviously don't work as a form of self harm or whatever then that's your choice, but it will make existing worse and very likely just lead to more suffering and damage.

 

[squirley]

I'm not sure that threads like this are what this section of the forum is for, this is a pro-choice suicide forum supporting the decision of the individual to end their own existence, it's not a self harm, suicide gesture forum. If people don't really want to die but instead just want "help", then there's the recovery section for those people. But if you want to attempt "methods" that very obviously don't work as a form of self harm or whatever then that's your choice, but it will make existing worse and very likely just lead to more suffering and damage.

Yes. Exactly. Thank you for phrasing/explaining it this way.

 

[Jezzibell]

I'm not sure that threads like this are what this section of the forum is for, this is a pro-choice suicide forum supporting the decision of the individual to end their own existence, it's not a self harm, suicide gesture forum. If people don't really want to die but instead just want "help", then there's the recovery section for those people. But if you want to attempt "methods" that very obviously don't work as a form of self harm or whatever then that's your choice, but it will make existing worse and very likely just lead to more suffering and damage.

I second this. I'm a little annoyed that in this forum where people are seriously wanting to ctb, that saying you don't actually want to, makes a mockery of people's agony. Attempting to ctb is not something that should be used to prove a point. Its not a game.

 

[loserr]

I second this. I'm a little annoyed that in this forum where people are seriously wanting to ctb, that saying you don't actually want to, makes a mockery of people's agony. Attempting to ctb is not something that should be used to prove a point. It's not a game.

I thought of that too which is why I was a little nervous to ask about it. I said kind of a low rate because I still want to leave this world but I'm being a snowflake about it. I feel like people wouldn't understand it's for the better.

Sorry I didn't reply right away I was dealing with this one guy that keeps telling people to ctb with not proven methods. Huge post. Took me a little. Ate some spicy noodles too.

That's fine

I know i know. It was just an example.

Ah ok ok. That explains a little more.

Makes sense. Doesn't sound fun.

Eg(put down) - a guy or girl saying you're crap you're stupid ? Something like that? Is it like a kink type thing? You like it ?
And I can stand being ignored by people. Everyone has there reason for that. Mine was just staying focused on my self because i had a hard time saying no.
or even being picked on.

It's a little bit of a kink, I also hate when people act kind of casual or nice to me because it gets annoying really quick like teachers for example that won't stop talking and trying to make the whole class feel good or a near by student complimenting certain parts about your work. Annoying.

How will you know it won't hit right?
Unless your try.
I can understand maybe with both parents there.
But maybe try just 1.
Or maybe in private with 1 older sibling. And just breath and say hey gotta talk about this.
Hand over paper.

Well I have tried to talk to important figures in my life many times and it just feels awkward, doesn't get through, or gets half ignored most of the time (An example I told my mother I would like to work towards a gender change and she just kind of turned it down but said at a later time which I doubt cause she always "forgets" unless I remind her and it gets too annoying. She always says to be honest with her but nothing comes out of it. I don't try to talk to my dad because he is just a really different person than me) I've tried to talk to siblings too who have had similar experiences but those were the awkward talks and paper just feels nerve racking and embarrassing.

SH I can't really comment on. I did this with years of partying/fighting/sober/med/life
Not the cut my self kind of stuff. I know some people find comfort in it. But regret the scars.
I know the cut would be to say hey look somethings wrong here. But it could have a snowball affect.

SH isn't the way it has to go I was just looking for anything that's like a 60/40 with success or maybe higher or lower yk?

Well it's good you recognize that. Really. Some people spend a life time trying to figure that out. Including my self. This is were a therapist may be able to help.

I always get choked up on the therapist conversation because I have a lot of mood swings from fine to fucking fuming and the next second I just wish I were dead constantly then it just goes away. I wouldn't want a session where I don't feel extremely troubled cause that makes it harder to talk about how I feel during the other times.

I'm just speaking from personal experience.
This is called self thought.Coming up with the conclusion before you know.
Certain people may not understand. True. But their are people who will.
And to reply correctly is a little vague. This means you have expectations.
it's better if people don't say what you want to hear always. Like a "yes man"
It will help give you a different perspective on the situation.

I guess I have some expectations but I'm mostly talking about the empty half assed responses I usually get. It's just kind of hard to listen to all the time I try to listen to someone's response.

Yah there is a time and place for sure.
And with whom.

yah that makes sense. That's why I'm here as well everyone has different experiences.

it might seem that way to you. But just believe me when I say you're not the only one.

That I can get but the feelings not everyone gets often are harder to get someone else to understand.

I'm not sure of the exact situation. Was it very intense . Drugs . Booze. Panic attack? Maybe the partner was overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle the things being said. Therefor couldn't help exactly. For me.this is were writing it down and sitting both people breath not heat in the moment. Hard to communicate.

Well I can't remember it exactly too well sometimes it's a chain of events. I watched an analyzing video on "ruler of everything" by tally hall and it really had me thinking and sometimes when I think too hard some things go off and the next thing I know I'm in my bathroom with my shitty knife against my closet door kind of behind an open drawer looking out the bathroom door in extreme fear and like great self awareness I guess not really having a grasp on what I was feeling. It's so hard to explain.

Not sure if you can yet but you can DM me if you want , or check out the recovery resources as well. Im only saying this because you sound like a younger version of my self as cheesy as that is to say. And just so you know there are other options available then just slicing away.
In the end it's your choice and I'll respect that.

That is cheesy lol, thanks.

I felt really scatter brained righting this so sorry if I messed anything up or didn't get anything across right and I guess this is the late response to your late response haha.

I'm not sure that threads like this are what this section of the forum is for, this is a pro-choice suicide forum supporting the decision of the individual to end their own existence, it's not a self harm, suicide gesture forum. If people don't really want to die but instead just want "help", then there's the recovery section for those people. But if you want to attempt "methods" that very obviously don't work as a form of self harm or whatever then that's your choice, but it will make existing worse and very likely just lead to more suffering and damage.

Sorry I feel like I'm just not saying all that I want to correctly. I'll try to think a little more next time I guess thanks!

 

[squirley]

I thought of that too which is why I was a little nervous to ask about it. I said kind of a low rate because I still want to leave this world but I'm being a snowflake about it. I feel like people wouldn't understand it's for the better.

You don't need to be nervous to ask things here that is what's great about this place.
I've found it covers every aspect pretty much.
I'm just not sure it's in the right section.
Maybe recovery / off-topic / venting.
Not sure if a mod can move it or not.
I understand you have feelings of wanting to leave. But you're saying you want a method that is lower on the scale. Almost a contradiction
(kind of becomes SH at that point imo)

It's a little bit of a kink, I also hate when people act kind of casual or nice to me because it gets annoying really quick like teachers for example that won't stop talking and trying to make the whole class feel good or a near by student complimenting certain parts about your work. Annoying.

Everyone's different. And gets bothered by different things. I can't really say much because I don't know what causes this.
And don't want to misinform you.

Well I have tried to talk to important figures in my life many times and it just feels awkward, doesn't get through, or gets half ignored most of the time

This is why a seperate 3rd party comes in handy.

An example I told my mother I would like to work towards a gender change and she just kind of turned it down but said at a later time which I doubt cause she always "forgets" unless I remind her and it gets too annoying.

I'm not sure on this.There could be a bunch of factors envolving a conversation like this. Having it or avoiding it.
( I know there are threads that have similar experiences/advice) Personally I don't.

She always says to be honest with her but nothing comes out of it.

What is supposed to come out of it?
A gain of some sort? Understanding?

I don't try to talk to my dad because he is just a really different person than me.

Yah makes sense.

I've tried to talk to siblings too who have had similar experiences but those were the awkward talks and paper just feels nerve racking and embarrassing.

These types of talks are usually awkward and nerve racking. Etc.
But once it's out there it's like a weight off. (personally) ( many years ago)
paper was just an idea.

SH isn't the way it has to go I was just looking for anything that's like a 60/40 with success or maybe higher or lower yk?

This is the point that @FuneralCry was trying to press on i think. Same with me.
"Maybe higher/maybe lower" "60/40" you're not exactly confident in your choice and a little confused. Which is fine that's why a place like this exists. I've found lots of clarity here.
Ctb or not.
Each topic has a specific forum and thread for it.
For me it's different. I know that I'm done and I'm choosing that.
I have a somewhat concrete plan and method.
with what's available to me. And even then it's still not 100%.
I'm still just tweaking ideas/methods.
I've failed a couple a times because it was spontaneous and erratic. Ended up not in the greatest shape. And hurt myself.
But now that I'm at ease and have done some reading and educated my self about ctb. It makes a big difference in the thought process.

I always get choked up on the therapist conversation because I have a lot of mood swings from fine to fucking fuming and the next second I just wish I were dead constantly then it just goes away. I wouldn't want a session where I don't feel extremely troubled cause that makes it harder to talk about how I feel during the other times.

I have a mood disorder. Plus more.
So I definitely get it.
But you're already defeating the session before you go.
When I was going didn't matter. I also was required to go to a certain amount. So that pushed me.
Feeling fine?Go. Raging?Go. Don't worry about the other times. And if you do. Keep a journal. And only show it to them.

I guess I have some expectations but I'm mostly talking about the empty half assed responses I usually get. It's just kind of hard to listen to all the time I try to listen to someone's response.

This will change depending on who you're talking to. Different people different experiences/views/ideas. This is why it helps to get an unbiased view.

Well I can't remember it exactly too well sometimes it's a chain of events. I watched an analyzing video on "ruler of everything" by tally hall and it really had me thinking and sometimes when I think too hard some things go off and the next thing I know I'm in my bathroom with my shitty knife against my closet door kind of behind an open drawer looking out the bathroom door in extreme fear and like great self awareness I guess not really having a grasp on what I was feeling. It's so hard to explain.

yah that's a lot going on all back to back. Mood fluctuations and triggers. I don't want to give you false information. I somewhat get it.
A professional would be able to explain this.

I felt really scatter brained righting this so sorry if I messed anything up or didn't get anything across right and I guess this is the late response to your late response haha.

Nah man it makes sense and you got it across fine no need for sorry.
Just think it needs to be directed to a more suitable area.
Scatter brain lul that's a good terminology. Surprised I didn't use that before for myself.

 

[grateful409]

That's really helpful, do you recommend any kinds of knives that make it less painful and easier to cut?

It's a little hard to explain the idea in my head. I have this thing where being happy is an extremely annoying and pestering feeling. I hate a LOT of things, like the bright sun or when anyone talks in any way at all, I usually wake up to both of those or my alarm when it's not school which is… horrible to say the least. I really hate everyone because it feels like they aren't like me at all and act so annoying that I don't even want to try to communicate how I feel because I mess it up. Not on any meds or therapy. I honestly kind of would rather be in a hospital because it sounds quieter and I wouldn't have to do anything at all all day. Hopefully they wouldn't force anything on me because that would suck ass. If bad hospital ehh if good probably ykyk.

Sounds like you have a lot going on in your head. I understand how that's like. This place can be an escape but try and take some time away too in real life if you can. Take some time for yourself. Then see how you feel.

From personal experience, hard drugs are a method of slow suicide anyway. A type of slow suicide that nobody notices. Good luck