Venting I didn't have the courage

[conveniently_dead]

Had very strong urges to ctb today. Had a perfect opportunity and everything I need. I strongly considered it.

I struggled with it very much. I feel very fragile and disturbed right now. I'm tired of living like this.

It don't know if it would have been right to do it. I don't know what's right anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't struggle with this much longer.

 

[Iamchickenhat]

Hi internet stranger. I'm sorry you're struggling with knowing what to do and when and how. I'm really sorry you're desperate. I hope you will make the best decision for yourself

 

[locked*n*loaded]

The right time, if it does indeed ever come, is when it comes without pushing for it. I understand struggling, too, emotionally, and have all the mental anguish of having to go on for too much longer. For me, I'm just not quite there, yet. Still have a few things I need to do. Like it's been described, it's a journey, albeit a painful one in many cases. I think when you're ready, if and when that happens, you'll know it. You'll feel it. It will be one of those feel it in your gut type things. All we can really do until we get there is commiserate with others who feel as we do, and rely on them to help us through the hard times.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

I can relate. I made a similar post to this today.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's terrible to fail and it's so difficult to defeat SI. May I ask you, what's your method?

 

[TimetoGo!]

Had very strong urges to ctb today. Had a perfect opportunity and everything I need. I strongly considered it.

I struggled with it very much. I feel very fragile and disturbed right now. I'm tired of living like this.

It don't know if it would have been right to do it. I don't know what's right anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't struggle with this much longer.

Completely understand this, and have had this same feeling for ages now. You plan a time to do it and see a real opportunity and the perfect timing, but then something in your mind holds you back.

Its an exhausting way to live, especially when you see no other option but to CTB.

 

[Octavia]

It's okay to feel like you don't have the strength to do it now, dying is the last thing a being would do so you have all the time in your life to think about it.

If you really want to go, then setting a planned date and preparing for it might work better. Of course, you could always back down if that is your wish, but a planned action is much easier to do than a spontaneous one. Dying is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, so it is understandable that one would freeze at the sudden realisation of how monumental the decision is.

 

[conveniently_dead]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's terrible to fail and it's so difficult to defeat SI. May I ask you, what's your method?

Partial hanging

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand that it really can be so tiring and dreadful feeling trapped here, I find it so awful how it's not more straightforward to leave, I certainly believe as humans we deserve a peaceful, guaranteed way to free ourselves, people shouldn't have to resort to methods like hanging in the first place. But anyway best wishes.