Story I desperately want to live!! But im 50 yrs old and have completely run out of options!

[Hugh Class]

Im 50 years old... im perfectly healthy physically and mentally. I have been married for 10 years to a woman who has stolen all my life savings... i even sold my business, my car believing we was going to start a new business..... she scammed me for everything, i have.

I have been left completely destitute from this.

I no longer have the means to support myself or a place to stay....not even a car. I have applied at several jobs the past week...but no responses. Soon... i will run out of money.

For those of you who don't know....there is no services here in Los Angeles that can help me. The sheer number of homeless people living on the steets and the high number of people on the cusp of homelessness has completely overwhelmed all agencies and charities.... and getting any worthwhile help... would put me on a years long waiting list. I just cant wait several years to get any help.

I have no family to help me.... i have nobody.

I wish, this never happened to me...but this is my fate. I worked hard all my life and to end my life on the streets of Los Angeles....is very hard to take. I should not be in this situation.

I have my methods selected... and im planning my final days.... selecting a location to die.

It all seems so surreal. I cant believe this is happening.

 

[Linda]

Im 50 years old... im perfectly healthy physically and mentally. I have been married for 10 years to a woman who has stolen all my life savings... i even sold my business, my car believing we was going to start a new business..... she scammed me for everything, i have.

I have been left completely destitute from this.

I no longer have the means to support myself or a place to stay....not even a car. I have applied at several jobs the past week...but no responses. Soon... i will run out of money.

For those of you who don't know....there is no services here in Los Angeles that can help me. The sheer number of homeless people living on the steets and the high number of people on the cusp of homelessness has completely overwhelmed all agencies and charities.... and getting any worthwhile help... would put me on a years long waiting list. I just cant wait several years to get any help.

I have no family to help me.... i have nobody.

I wish, this never happened to me...but this is my fate. I worked hard all my life and to end my life on the streets of Los Angeles....is very hard to take. I should not be in this situation.

I have my methods selected... and im planning my final days.... selecting a location to die.

It all seems so surreal. I cant believe this is happening.

There will always be people on this site for you. That doesn't solve any of your problems, but it may help a little. Probably everyone here has been in a very dark place at some time in their life.

 

[darkythoughts876]

And yet pro lifers insist that we stay alive while at the same time doing nothing to prevent people from getting into these situations, they just want us to suffer while they feel happy with themselves because you dont get to ctb. I get you man, personally, i dont want to die either, theres so much i want to see and experience, but im afraid that maybe ill never get to experience those things, that one day ill remain on the streets with no money or anything to help me.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a really horrible situation to be trapped in, it's awful how humans can create so much harm and just make existing much more unbearable. But anyway I wish you the best and I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[RichardFirst]

Wow. I'm so sorry, sir. I hope that whatever happens, it is peaceful for you.

 

[orca87]

That really sound like a fucked up situation, I feel so sorry for the hell you experience opening right in front of you!

I am in Europe so I cannot offer a lot of help, but I know some people in SoCal. Reach out to me once your account is enabled for PMs if you like

 

[sunshiningbackwards]

Holy shit man that's brutal. Have you tried setting up a gofundme or something outlining the situation? I'm sure you could find some sympathetic donors there. That is just terrible

 

[SoftWorries]

I'd recommend going to the website Couch Surfing and explaining your situation to people on there that might be receptive to it.

I was couch surfing last September and one of the people had hosted multiple people in bad situations.

It's an awful situation. I'm really so sorry for you. Have you considered trying to get benzos to help with the stress while you try to buy time for a solution to come through?

I really hope things improve.

 

[etherealgoddess]

And yet pro lifers insist that we stay alive while at the same time doing nothing to prevent people from getting into these situations, they just want us to suffer while they feel happy with themselves because you dont get to ctb. I get you man, personally, i dont want to die either, theres so much i want to see and experience, but im afraid that maybe ill never get to experience those things, that one day ill remain on the streets with no money or anything to help me.

Actual facts. It's so unfortunate because anyone who has killed themselves and is happy to have killed themselves can't officially advocate for it, so everyone who advocates for it just looks crazy in the eyes of the public.

 

[darkythoughts876]

Actual facts. It's so unfortunate because anyone who has killed themselves and is happy to have killed themselves can't officially advocate for it, so everyone who advocates for it just looks crazy in the eyes of the public.

Only thing we can do is beg the public to improve our living conditions.

 

[etherealgoddess]

Im 50 years old... im perfectly healthy physically and mentally. I have been married for 10 years to a woman who has stolen all my life savings... i even sold my business, my car believing we was going to start a new business..... she scammed me for everything, i have.

I have been left completely destitute from this.

I no longer have the means to support myself or a place to stay....not even a car. I have applied at several jobs the past week...but no responses. Soon... i will run out of money.

For those of you who don't know....there is no services here in Los Angeles that can help me. The sheer number of homeless people living on the steets and the high number of people on the cusp of homelessness has completely overwhelmed all agencies and charities.... and getting any worthwhile help... would put me on a years long waiting list. I just cant wait several years to get any help.

I have no family to help me.... i have nobody.

I wish, this never happened to me...but this is my fate. I worked hard all my life and to end my life on the streets of Los Angeles....is very hard to take. I should not be in this situation.

I have my methods selected... and im planning my final days.... selecting a location to die.

It all seems so surreal. I cant believe this is happening.

Honestly, if you have physical health and mental health, I think you can do it. It's not going to be easy, like, you're going to have to work way over time or work multiple jobs, but I mean... if you don't actually wanna escape the pain from nihilism and it's rather some concrete thing that is fixable (because it honestly is if you work really hard), I'd say to face the challenge. Save up money by working multiple jobs and then move somewhere else cheaper. LA is known for being expensive--it's living expenses are 50% higher than the national average. I'm not trying to be some crazy pro-lifer here, but I'm hoping you can take the perspective because if you don't actually want to leave every part of this earth and there's something clinging you to here, it's maybe not your time yet. Again, I'm not trying to be a pro-lifer here.

 

[Catastrofe]

Man I am very very sorry this happened to you.
If you have decided to ctb I am not trying to change your mind, but because you start your post saying "I desperately want to live", I will try. I do not know much about LA, however there are jobs that are a bit easier to find : waiter, working is hostels (maybe for accommodation), or hotels ... LA is a big city and I am sure you can get something like this. Just to make up something for living. Also, as somebody wrote, reach out on Couch Surfing Community, maybe someone can help.
You only started applying for jobs few weeks ago, it may take a while to find a proper job but at least you have something.
Does it sound like an option for you?
Also, if you feel comfortable with, and if you have friends, ask for a little help, just for now. I am sure they will be happy to support you.

Damn, I am really so sorry.
Let us know if you can!

 

[MrShino]

Agree with the other people here. Really sorry to hear of what happened, that's a terrible thing for someone to do. There's great chances for you to get back on your financial feets though! You only began applying for jobs last week. Give it some time. I am sure you will be able to find something, even more so if you are open to other places. There's lots of places to work, just keep tryin'!

 

[axxxu]

Nobody should be forced to live, but at the same time, if you desperately want to live you should at least try for a while longer. However if you choose to ctb that is completely your decision.
I understand why you're coming to this point and I'm sure many people sympathize.

My only advice would be to give it time. If you've already applied for jobs there's a chance you can get a offer. You can look online for resources that would help you. I don't know much as I'm not as old as you and I don't live in LA but I can't scroll pass this one.

I'm really sorry. Whatever you choose to do, I really want you to find peace in the end.

 

[Hugh Class]

Thank you to everybody for the words of encouragement! I have looked at every angle on this and thought about the possibilities.

I cannot keep a job while living on the streets....its just too difficult... keeping myself clean, myself safe, my clothing clean, walking everywhere, carrying a big backpack ....and keeping my mental health together would absorb and sap so much of my time, energy and effort. My employer would eventually see, im homeless and let me go.

I have lived in LA for many years....and i saw homeless people in my area...who never made any trouble or crime....just trying to live and get by.....they slowly withered and deteriorated from living on the streets and weather exposure....patiently waiting for help that will never come. I don't want to meet that fate.

Im planning to ctb next month....hoping for a miracle to happen...and i can keep living. Fingers crossed.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Funny how it all takes some seconds to fall uh? Sometimes in hindsight you realize it wasn't a second and you were falling but that you were in freefall for a while.

Such a quiet thing to fall, but far worse is to realize it

 

[orca87]

Thank you to everybody for the words of encouragement! I have looked at every angle on this and thought about the possibilities.

I cannot keep a job while living on the streets....its just too difficult... keeping myself clean, myself safe, my clothing clean, walking everywhere, carrying a big backpack ....and keeping my mental health together would absorb and sap so much of my time, energy and effort. My employer would eventually see, im homeless and let me go.

I have lived in LA for many years....and i saw homeless people in my area...who never made any trouble or crime....just trying to live and get by.....they slowly withered and deteriorated from living on the streets and weather exposure....patiently waiting for help that will never come. I don't want to meet that fate.

Im planning to ctb next month....hoping for a miracle to happen...and i can keep living. Fingers crossed.

I envy you! Not because of your horrible situation, of course, but because you desperately want to live. It seems to me you have your mental health in control, still, and you feel overwhelmed by the complexity of the situation that might come.

Use this energy, use your strength to make that miracle happen! Ctb can wait as long as you still fight against what life has thrown at you!

If you don't mind me asking: what kind of businesses did you run?

 

[Catastrofe]

Have a look at Workaway as well. Workaway works like this : you work part time for a given project (in the nature, building something, taking care of kids.. any sort of things) and they give you accommodation for free and sometimes 1 or 2 meals per day. The project can be few weeks up to 3 months. This would help you firstly have a place to stay (and not living in the street) and gain some time, save some money, know some people that can help.
Same goes for hostels : often thy have an exchange program, which means you work there for cleaning (tipically 4/5 hours per day) and you get an accommodation for free. It is usually in a dorm, however better than the street, and hostels usually have laudry facilities staff can use for free.
It is not much, but at least takes you away from the street.

Also, in this kind of places, they are more than happy to give a hand in cases like yours. Do not be ashamed to tell your story, it is not your fault !

Also, people from LA in this community may reach out and give advices.

 

[annxietty]

Im so sorry to hear this... Im very young, but I can talk about my parents, my dad is 60 and my mom 59, they lost almost everything over the years (me too of course), but my dad has their parents, I will go live with my sister (if I can exit the hell I have in my mind), my mom has it more complicated, lost both her parents in 2020, all her family is unsupportive they dont care if she becomes homeless and has nothing to eat, she is living in a rented room... I often hear my mom say how she has lost everything, Ive seen it myself, she has to work many hours with a weak body and Im too ridiculous and broken to help... I say all of this because I understand you wanting to end it all, I often ask myself how my mom does it, how she keeps on living... Thank you for sharing your story, hope you find peace either living or dying, neither of them are easy imo. Life is very unfair.

 

[MrShino]

Im so sorry to hear this... Im very young, but I can talk about my parents, my dad is 60 and my mom 59, they lost almost everything over the years (me too of course), but my dad has their parents, I will go live with my sister (if I can exit the hell I have in my mind), my mom has it more complicated, lost both her parents in 2020, all her family is unsupportive they dont care if she becomes homeless and has nothing to eat, she is living in a rented room... I often hear my mom say how she has lost everything, Ive seen it myself, she has to work many hours with a weak body and Im too ridiculous and broken to help... I say all of this because I understand you wanting to end it all, I often ask myself how my mom does it, how she keeps on living... Thank you for sharing your story, hope you find peace either living or dying, neither of them are easy imo. Life is very unfair.

I'm sorry to hear about your family's situation. Hope it will work out eventually. I am also puzzled by how some people just keeps on living, and often even want to keep on living, in dire circumstances. Been thinking about that many times.

 

[The Howling Void]

I feel the same way. I want to live but my future is so bleak and there's no way out except a miracle. It's an awful feeling. I'm sorry you feel it too.

 

[Covalite]

I may be 30 years younger than you and i have no idea what type of struggles you are dealing with but my heart goes out to you. I hope if you do want to live you find a way to improve your life and turn it around despite of you ex(?) wife. If you feel cbt is your only option I hope you find the peace and joy you are looking for. Either way i wish you the best and i hope you can find a solution to your dilemma.

 

[Hugh Class]

Have a look at Workaway as well. Workaway works like this : you work part time for a given project (in the nature, building something, taking care of kids.. any sort of things) and they give you accommodation for free and sometimes 1 or 2 meals per day. The project can be few weeks up to 3 months. This would help you firstly have a place to stay (and not living in the street) and gain some time, save some money, know some people that can help.
Same goes for hostels : often thy have an exchange program, which means you work there for cleaning (tipically 4/5 hours per day) and you get an accommodation for free. It is usually in a dorm, however better than the street, and hostels usually have laudry facilities staff can use for free.
It is not much, but at least takes you away from the street.

Also, in this kind of places, they are more than happy to give a hand in cases like yours. Do not be ashamed to tell your story, it is not your fault !

Also, people from LA in this community may reach out and give advices.

Thank you for your advice and encouragement. Im familiar with hostel jobs with room and board.... those types of jobs are highly coveted in Los Angeles due to high number of homeless in this city. I wish, that option opens for me... we will see.

I'm sorry to hear about your family's situation. Hope it will work out eventually. I am also puzzled by how some people just keeps on living, and often even want to keep on living, in dire circumstances. Been thinking about that many times.

I have pondered that same question countless times.... i see homeless people in LA... who dont even resemble a human being anymore... they have allowed their lives and appearances to degrade to the point of complete destruction...but yet, continues to feel the desire to keep living in filth and squalor for years on end...with no hope of ever receiving help. Im scared of turning into that kind of person. Death is preferable than living like that.

 

[Catastrofe]

@Hugh Class Hi man, I have been thinking about you. Any update?

 

[mia_qwerty]

Can't you wait a bit longer? How about keep trying for a job? What about woofing? So they give you somewhere to live also. And maybe you can build up slowly. I hope you get a job that keeps you going. If you have your health. Have you thought about going to the police about what she stole? Do you not have insurance? Could you get insurance and then claim? For home?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Have you informed the authorities about this woman? She sounds like a con artist to be honest... I wonder if she's tried this before. I guess it's a really tough situation because you need money for things like private investigators. Still- if you think actual fraud has taken place- can't the police advise? Do you have anything like the citizen's advice bureau there? They offer free legal advice in the UK. They're very much in demand (predictably) but it might be worth a shot. I'm sorry this has happened to you. I hope you can find a way through it.

 

[RUPA]

Besides trying for a job,
I don't know the details of your situation. But, wouldn't there be any way to get your money, even some of it, back? If you keep records for all financial transactions that prove the account is emptied or money is taken in other way purely for selfish reasons, a judge could order the money or a portion of it, to be returned?

 

[Riu]

How awful! I'm very sorry you have to go through this. My situation is far different from yours. But I wish I had a solution to help you. I hope that if do decide to hold on, the universe will find a way to repay your hard work.

 

[downndone2]

I am sorry. I lost my inheritance and life savings few years back. I'm definitely struggling. Feel free to message me. Not sure that I can help other than lend an ear

 

[Hugh Class]

Besides trying for a job,
I don't know the details of your situation. But, wouldn't there be any way to get your money, even some of it, back? If you keep records for all financial transactions that prove the account is emptied or money is taken in other way purely for selfish reasons, a judge could order the money or a portion of it, to be returned?

My wife is southeast Asian...and lives in southeast Asia. I sent her money to keep... keep it safe... and we would start a new business or investments. She decided to steal it all. We have been married 10 years. I can't make a police report or take legal action...because i sent the money to her...and she had legal access to that money.... so, nothing illegal about that.

Can't you wait a bit longer? How about keep trying for a job? What about woofing? So they give you somewhere to live also. And maybe you can build up slowly. I hope you get a job that keeps you going. If you have your health. Have you thought about going to the police about what she stole? Do you not have insurance? Could you get insurance and then claim? For home?

I do have an update....

I did win $10,000 and $500 playing scratcher lottery tickets very recently.... its not enough to get a place to live in LA...but gave me some breathing room financially....and i have been going to job interviews. We will see what happens...

@Hugh Class Hi man, I have been thinking about you. Any update?

Yes.... im still hanging in there.... thank you for caring...
I really appreciate that..