I desperately want to ctb but cant

[NikePopuli]

Title says it, but here are specific if you want:
I live at home without a car. My parents know Im struggling so keep a watchful eye on me. I cant afford a firearm and have nowhere to hide it. I cant get access to antiemetics in order to take SN. My only option has been hanging, but survival instinct stops me before I even pass out and I cant find anywhere high and strong enough to snap my neck. Does anyone else have a situation like this or perhaps a solution?

 

[JustHeckinKillMe]

Same here

 

[NikePopuli]

Same here

It sucks so much, right?

 

[SectOfValtiel]

cant even get myself to the point of trying
idk if its SI exactly but, the fear of pain or suffering is so strong that the most i was able to do is try and find my carotid artery for the night-night method, but even that i seem incapable of, so...

in a way im in the same boat
at this point i guess im either waiting for therapy to finally start working, or for my emotional state to regress so far beyond the point of no return that the fear of living overpowers the fear of dying

even then... i cant exactly afford any methods, no income
so
not sure ill ever be able to even if i do get to the point of being mentally ready
that scares me a lot, too

 

[wantittoendsoon]

I feel the same way. I'm all alone here in the UK and I want to just be done already. I'm going to use the Nitrogen exit bag method(leaning toward a non rebreather) I have everything ready to be ordered but it takes a couple weeks to arrive and not sure I could have it delivered here. I even found a double flow meter so I could have a partner but no replies from the megathread. Wish I had someone to talk to. anyone in the same situation?

 

[wait.what]

I could probably get supplies for some method or other, but really, why bother? SI and guilt stop me every time. I remain shocked and horrified I couldn't off myself back in May. If there was ever a time to do it, it was then, and I still couldn't. It scares me to think of what kind of horrible shit I might be willing to just sit here through, twiddling my thumbs and praying my furnace malfunctions so that I get smothered by carbon monoxide in my sleep.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that if I had a solution to this then I would already be free from this world, but yes I certainly do feel like ctb is such an impossibility for me and that's why I'm still here, trapped in an existence that I've never wished to endure at all. I absolutely hate the fact that the world that we exist in makes it as difficult for us to die as possible, it's insanity to wish to restrict desirable suicide methods to try and prolong unnecessary suffering. It's really frustrating and tiring when you wish to leave yet you feel unable to, none of us should have to struggle to die and it's wrong how we do.

 

[yive]

SN without antiemetics is possible, but can be risky. you need to prepare several glasses just in case. also if you vomit, other people can hear it. life is a prison/slavery, so it's very hard to die by ctb for most people

 

[theboy]

Rope

 

[NikePopuli]

Rope

I would if I could

 

[theboy]

I would if I could

mmm ¿why not?

 

[Himalayan]

Title says it, but here are specific if you want:
I live at home without a car. My parents know Im struggling so keep a watchful eye on me. I cant afford a firearm and have nowhere to hide it. I cant get access to antiemetics in order to take SN. My only option has been hanging, but survival instinct stops me before I even pass out and I cant find anywhere high and strong enough to snap my neck. Does anyone else have a situation like this or perhaps a solution?

Careful whit hanging man. The convulsions might alert your parents, and you will be saved.
I am also stuck in the same situation. Once i managed to go to another city to drown myself, and i can probably do it again, i just don't have that same courage and despair.
So, i think that if we were really fucked, we would be able to Ctb very quickly.

 

[Someday_Somehow32]

Pretty much same

 

[Unending]

I could probably get supplies for some method or other, but really, why bother? SI and guilt stop me every time. I remain shocked and horrified I couldn't off myself back in May. If there was ever a time to do it, it was then, and I still couldn't. It scares me to think of what kind of horrible shit I might be willing to just sit here through, twiddling my thumbs and praying my furnace malfunctions so that I get smothered by carbon monoxide in my sleep.

Oh god, the guilt. That is my number 1 inhibition when it comes to ctb. If I could get over that, maybe I'd have a chance. I believe that at least for myself, this is all just the natural progression towards ctb and that it will come as long as my problems don't go away, which they won't. There is a big difference between what remission and a cure would look like for me.