I couldn't stop crying last night, I think I'm finally accepting I'll die.

[notevenhere]

It's the first time in a long time I was able to go outside my room. It's the annual exception where my favorite cousin throws a birthday party by renting a place for the weekend. Last year, I remember waking up the next morning in that comfortable bed feeling like my chest was a sinkhole. This year, it was worse. I just weeped softly under the covers until the sun went up. I didn't sleep. There's an hour left in this place before everyone goes home.

My heart isn't here. It belongs to a man who no longer has feelings for me. I spent the entire time writing him a letter that cutting me off is what's best for him.

I couldn't stop crying. Because I only really kept living for him, and now that he no longer loves me, I feel unwanted. I feel unseen, it's worst than being dead. I think my body is preparing me. There's no other choice, I'm determined that I'd rather die than never be with him. I can't see a future with him anymore, so this is all I have left.

To think I was going to invite him here and introduce him to my family.

Now, he's not even opening my text messages.

I've already decided. The moment I send him this letter telling him to forget me and cut me off his life so he can heal properly, will be the day I have my SN and I'm ready to die.

I sadly have no other choice. I can't see myself existing without existing for him. He's the only thing that prevented me from ending it all.

 

[karmaisabitch]

Me and you both!! I was literally just driving around crying the whole afternoon!

 

[idiotenby]

It's the first time in a long time I was able to go outside my room. It's the annual exception where my favorite cousin throws a birthday party by renting a place for the weekend. Last year, I remember waking up the next morning in that comfortable bed feeling like my chest was a sinkhole. This year, it was worse. I just weeped softly under the covers until the sun went up. I didn't sleep. There's an hour left in this place before everyone goes home.

My heart isn't here. It belongs to a man who no longer has feelings for me. I spent the entire time writing him a letter that cutting me off is what's best for him.

I couldn't stop crying. Because I only really kept living for him, and now that he no longer loves me, I feel unwanted. I feel unseen, it's worst than being dead. I think my body is preparing me. There's no other choice, I'm determined that I'd rather die than never be with him. I can't see a future with him anymore, so this is all I have left.

To think I was going to invite him here and introduce him to my family.

Now, he's not even opening my text messages.

I've already decided. The moment I send him this letter telling him to forget me and cut me off his life so he can heal properly, will be the day I have my SN and I'm ready to die.

I sadly have no other choice. I can't see myself existing without existing for him. He's the only thing that prevented me from ending it all.

Nice to find two other people who relate

 

[notevenhere]

Me and you both!! I was literally just driving around crying the whole afternoon!

What a horrible feeling, isn't it? I can't imagine living like this and feeling this way for the rest of your life. And you were driving, too, stay safe!

 

[Disappointered]

Accepting death is a huge step forward.

 

[KillingPain267]

Whoa! Sounds exactly like how I feel, except gender reversed and my ex-wife still contacts me though. But I miss hugging her so much. My existence now feels off and Imalso have nothing to live for. I was tired of life before I met her, but then totally felt fine. But now I am determined to be done for good. Nothing to live for, and I certainly don't wanna replace her, unless there is an exact clone of her.

 

[Sadsadsad0000]

I saw what you said about feeling this way about the rest of your life. That's only true if your life ends soon. I'm not here to mom you or anything but as someone who has thought about leaving everything so many times, I'm glad I have stuck around until now. At the very least I got to make a couple of cool memories I wouldn't have otherwise before I leave this planet. Again, don't take this the wrong way, I'm not telling you what to do. Just consider that extending your time a little bit could mean you get to meet a new love or companion that might make sticking around a little while longer worth it. Peace be with you.